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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I'm scared of imminent labour! Help!

58 replies

dinny · 08/08/2004 20:31

I've suddenly gone absolutely terrified of giving birth for a second time. I'm 36 weeks today and it's like it has only just dawned on me that I have to give birth. Really scared of the intensity of it as much as the pain. Don't think I can do it a second time. How can I stop worrying so much? At least the first time you have no idea what is to come! (btw, I had a straightforward 6-hour labour the first time. Tried gas and air but it made me sick so didn't want it. DD was out in 10 mins). But it's as if I can only now really remember how much it bloody hurt. Anyone else feel/felt scared like this?

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hatter · 09/08/2004 22:44

Dear Dinny,

I was totally petrified second time round. Had a difficult time with dd1 and was v. scared of the hospital. I know there's no guarantee - www for example - but it is very very common for number two to be easier. It's not just that it can be physically easier (which it often is) but your experience makes you a different person. You know, now, that even though it hurts like absolute fing bggery it's normal, it ends, and you have a baby at the end. No matter how many times you're told that before your first time, you can't quite believe it when you're in the middle of it all - well, I couldn't anyway. But second time round, I knew it was true. I knew (from personal experience, not just coz someone had told me) that I could do it. And, believe me, it made a huge difference. All that stuff about it being pain with a purpose (which I never understood in labour with dd1) made sense with number two - and it was all because I'd learnt it to be true from my own experience. The other difference - for a lot of people - is that you can be more asertive about what you want. You've got the confidence to tell midwives what you want - which I certainly didn't have first time round. It's perfectly rational for you to be scared right now but you've done it once - you know you can do it again. good luck

hatter · 09/08/2004 22:46

that stuff about telling midwives what you want - just realised that, in my case, that was only in theory! DD2 was delivered by dh - midwife got there 5 minutes too late! But I would have told her what I wanted...

tinytoes · 09/08/2004 22:51

hi dinny keep taking the homeop stuff im sure it will be of some help.i swear by rasberry leaf tea(last 4 weeks only) as well(loads of it)
it will be easier second time round as your body knows what its doing as well as you.
have you tried yoga breathing exercises or meditation to try and calm you and help with positive thinking?

Original poster

dinny · 10/08/2004 10:21

Thanks so much everyone. V inspiring to read this. Serenequeen, I have had a hard pg this time - terrible morning sickness for 5 months, constant thrush, 2 UTIs/antibiotics, Strep B diagnosed (so no homebirth) and now, of course, just the usual late pg difficulty in moving/heat. And the stress of our fecking house sale that fell through (winge winge!) So I will be glad to not be pg any more!
Will try to get into the birthing pool at hospital! Thanks so much again. Dinny x

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bundle · 10/08/2004 10:28

I was PETRIFIED just before I had dd2, I think it's because you know what's coming (or what could be coming..i ended up with a 2nd c/s but it was a crash one)..and I didn't have any of the problems you've had during pregnancy, you poor thing. one thing that research supports is that having a doula is an all-round good thing and has terrific results. everything crossed for you, x

motherinferior · 10/08/2004 10:30

Dinny, no time to read all messages, but I was sooooooooo terrified after my first crappy labour, and honestly the second one was much, much, much better.

serenequeen · 10/08/2004 13:46

dinny, no wonder you are feeling down about the birth with all that going on. i really hope it goes very well for you and you are telling us all in a few weeks what a wonderful empowering experience it was

dinosaur · 10/08/2004 17:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

dinny · 10/08/2004 22:13

I keep thinking am about to go into labour when I get twinges (think cos head's been engaged for a couple of weeks now). Bouncing on my cervix. Though I am feeling more positive as have passed the gestation dd1 was born at (pre-term). I was thinking of maybe having pethidine this time if am really scared but it can affect chances of successful bfing and I simply can't take that risk (all went wrong with dd - though didn't have pethidine or anything).
Dinosaur - hope my experience with doula in hospital is as good as yours was. Thanks for the reassurance, everyone.

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WideWebWitch · 10/08/2004 22:18

Hang on in there dinny - the book was posted today!

sanssouci · 10/08/2004 22:23

You'll be FINE! We've all been there, done that (you, too!) & been scared witless but you can do it and you WILL do it. The hard part comes after... night feeds, temper tantrums, fevers, etc. and of course, the teens! Ha!

Original poster

dinny · 10/08/2004 22:29

Ooh, thanks very much, Wickedwaterwitch - look forward to reading it. Hope you inc your address so can send you some reimbursement and postage. Thanks again.
Sansouci, remember after last time wondering why I'd worried about the birth more than bfing/looking after bub etc!

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oliveoil · 11/08/2004 10:32

Can someone please enlighten me as to why I opened this thread when I am 39 weeks and counting?????? Stupid woman that I am. Pah.

mears · 11/08/2004 10:51

Dinny - habe just read through this thread. All the things I would suggest are here. It is so common to worry about dying, because you already have a child your sense of responsibility is really strong. I rememeber having nightmares of dying after I had my secong child. It is a natural fear and a normal sensation to have at this time. However, it is not normal to let it take over your thoughts. Make sure you speak about it with your midwife and doula. Talking always helps. If it is something that really concerns you, you may need an appointyment with a psychologist. That is something that has been arranged for our women in the past.

As for the pain side of things, I would really recommend that you try gas and air again before pethidine. When it is breathed properly it is really effective and does not affect the baby. I had a woman last week who was really scared of the pain because she had felt out of control the first time round. She had found she couldn't use the gas and air first time. The problem was that she only tried to use it when she was extremely sore. What I did was talk in through with her and let her practice it before needing it. When she did decide she wanted to use it she found it very effective.

I also recommend the pool too. At our hospital you can use the pool even though you need antibiotics for groupB.

Glad you have your doula and midwives you can trust. Remember to eat in early labour and stay as mobile as you can. Transition does not last as long second time round and can actually be so fast you miss it!

Try to relax and enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy. Best wishes, mears.

serenequeen · 11/08/2004 14:02

oh i agree re the gas and air, i hated it last time but it worked very well for me this time round.

Original poster

dinny · 11/08/2004 20:42

Thanks for posting, Mears. Really helpful. I don't think am preoccupied with fear of dying - it's just in the back of my mind when I think about labour. And I think this 2nd time there is the anxiety that comes with being separated from your first child, isn't there?

Re gas and air - you really struck a chord. When I was in the midst of really strong contractions/transition I completely couldn't coordinate myself to breathe it - it felt like it was making it too hard to breathe and I remember pushing it away in panic a lot. My dh has been reminding me that my first transition didn't last longer than about 20 mins. Seemed a lifetime. Would really love to miss it completely this time.
In your opinion, is it better to have pethidine or an epidural if really can't cope with gas and air? (btw., am really hoping to birthing pool is free though).

Actually thought I may be starting this pm/evening - nausea/"heavy" periody feeling round back/bit of diaorrhea. Seems to have eased off now and baby has been v active. Hope it's not yet - need a couple more weeks to get fed up with being pregnant and get to term.

Thanks again - it really is so helpful to read such posts.

ps WWW, a huge THANK YOU, I received the book today and have been reading it as much as you can with a 2 year old around. Seems fantastic. PLEASE email me your contact details so I can send you some money. Thanks again - so kind of you. Dinny x

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mears · 12/08/2004 01:12

dinny - I don't see any reason why you wouldn't cope, but since you didn't have pain relief last time, I think Pethidine would be enough to help you through.
Labour is usually a lot more efficient second time around. Contractions do not need to be as strong to make the cervix dilate. Trust in yourself. I am sure you will mange fine once you get going

Original poster

dinny · 12/08/2004 20:24

Thanks Mears - feeling a bit more positive today, mainly due to the lovely posts on this thread
Think the anticipation is the worst thing. Have just packed my lucky birthing ball in my hospital bag

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Original poster

dinny · 01/09/2004 20:26

I'm panicking so thought would ressurect this thread. Am now 39+4 (can't believe am nearly term) but am now so huge that I am scared this baby will never get out. Does a bigger baby mean a much harder 2nd stage? Or is that a really obvious question? Am totally about labour - just can't seem to get head round it.

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earlygirl · 01/09/2004 21:36

dinny during my last pg -dd now 4 mnts - i managed to make it to to one yoga class, the teacher was an inspiration a totally positive (tiny!)lady who had natural home birth with twins

she was so positive that i kept her words in my head for the last few weeks of my labour and during the birth-i remember her saying that you musn't be frightened to let your body open up that its perfectley natural and possible and female bodies are made for this(so its basically saying to yourself'i can do this and my body can do this too')

i think most people find too that it is MUCH easier second time round ( can anyone back me up on this?)as your body knows what is expected of it( i see it like your body having a memory of what it has to do)

my first birth wasnt the easiest ds took a long time -lot of pushing- and during 2nd labour i was most scared of the last stage of actually delivering dd-and it was easy compared to the first time-she shot out with hardly any pushing!-it was much much easier than 1st time!

if you ring the midwifes as soon as you go into labour and tell them how you are feeling -hopefully youll get someone who is sympathetic to you(remember you can ask to change the midwife you get if you dont like her/him) -does the hospital have a water pool i found this fantastic for relaxation

you will be ok -take whatever painrelief you feel i had pethedine and it was fine i felt nice and relaxed the next day too dd was more than fine sleepy the first day(which was actually great)but she made up for that feeding well and only losing 1 oz in first 2 weeks!
i was trying for a natural birth with dd (i had a last min epidural with ds as he turned sideways and i couldnt push him)- with dd i went without painrelief until 30 mins before the end until the mw said she'd turned too and i totally panicked(wish i hadnt cause there was no need )and demanded pain relief was a bit mad at myself cause i let my +ive thinking slip-as my lovely yoga teacher said its a mind game you have to believe you can do it- cause you can do it-
concentrate on your breathing too to relax(very important!) ps id choose pethedine rather than and epidural everytime

good luck dinny hth
cant wait for your baby dinny post

one last thing focus on the baby not yourself this makes it a lot easier- DONT FORGET that blissful ending -that of course makes it all worth- it with beautiful baby dinny in your arms -meeting her /him at last
hugs{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}} xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

earlygirl · 01/09/2004 21:38

ps dd was bigger(pound and a half at 8 lbs)than ds and she came out much easier!!

Lowryn · 01/09/2004 21:44

Definitely earlygirl, much easier second time round for me too. I think part of it is that your body has remembered what to do and becomes more efficient - a bit like atheletes' muscle memory.
DD's labour was a nightmare as she was 10lbs and got stuck. DS (now 4mnths) was also 10lbs, but whole labour was under 5hrs from waters going to screaming bubba. I felt more in control this time, knew what pushing was supposed to feel like and also found gas and air more effective.
I was petrified about doing it all again, but you just soldier on don't you.
Main thing to do is to be relaxed and to try and take your mind somewhere else.

earlygirl · 01/09/2004 23:30

yes lowryn im glad you could back me up -that its usually easier second time round -anyone else?
and on the gas and air subject- i didnt like it on the first few tentative mouthfuls but after a few large inhilations it was fantastic and helped with the pain of the last few large contractions very well

WideWebWitch · 02/09/2004 06:44

Hi Dinny, I was wondering about you last night. You really are nearly there now but I know this last bit is horrible. Sorry you're still feeling worried, I really know the feeling and sympathise. Are they the same worries or new ones?

Original poster

dinny · 03/09/2004 20:59

Thanks Earlygirl for your lovely post - and Lowryn and WWW. My worries aren't as bad as they were a couple of weeks ago - just feel I can't focus on the labour or the end result. But maybe that's natural as it's hard to imagine your baby until s/he is actually here, isnt it?
Keep hoping for a daytime labour as it somehow seems less scary....
Thanks for your posts - really helps.

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