Probably been done to loads before - but tell me about home birth please

[insywinsyspider]

only just found out i'm pg again but ridulously excited and been thinking about birth and baby's arrival again as had PND first time round - had a good birth because was home in 6 hours but realised that badly carried out episiotimy (i wasn't cut during a contraction and my god i can still remember the pain) which then didn't heal properly (scar has started to ache again) and doc standing over me wanting to interve isn't something i want to repeat. I also don't want to get 'stuck' having to stay in hospital if i have baby 'at wrong time' for doc to discharge us as baby is due over xmas

dh is nevous about home birth because he's read some really neg things in paper recently and likes the idea that he knows what to expect in hosp so i need some advice about how to find out more info - done web search as homebirth.org.uk wasn't to helpful as nothing on there to help me convince dh its a better option than hosp - he's petrified of complications and neither of us can work out what happens if i need episiotimy again or i tear

i'd love to hear peoples experiences (good and bad) and if you know of anyone/organisation i can speak to about it - looked at NCT website as did my antenatal classes with them last time but couldn't find any info except one info sheet which i ordered

i know its earlyto think about it but back to work in two weeks so i have the time now to find stuff out and file it away (plus its prob going to take next 8 mo for dh to get his head round it!)

Have had 2 horrible hospital birth experiences and would like to try home birth this time. I keep visualising having the baby at night and him being tucked up in our bed when DS1 and DS2 come in in the morning.

ooh, that's pretty much how both of mine worked for me! DS1 woke up and DS2 was tucked up in his moses basket, we all got into bed together and had a cuddle.

We didn't disappear, they didn't have to worry about me or what was happening, it was all very gentle and natural.

am feeling all a bit gooey and teary just thinking about it ...

Same here more or less. Ds4 arrived at 6.04 which gave me a chance to shower and get into bed (had him in the front room)and give him a good bf then my other ds.s got up and we all sat in bed and cuddled. The only thing I missed was not having a water birth. I had one in hospital with ds4. Which was also fab but as we live in flats my mw said we have to find out if the floor was strong enough to take a pool. But because I had decided so late it was too late but I did just as well without. Also if you have good neighbours and your worried about your other dc's being around Im sure they would take them in for a few hours. Mine were all too eager. I think thats just cause theyre nosey though.

another question for you all? were other dc's around, as in at home too, for birth? ds will be 19mo when this ones born - wondering if i'll need to send him to my mums if i have baby in middle of night (obviously if its during the day then having him running around wouldn't be great!)

insywincy, why do the men always worry about the mess?? I gave birth on an old duvet and just threw it away afterwards - no mess!

DS1 was 14 months when DS2 was born, so they were 3 and 22 months when DD was born. I went into proper labour after DS1 went to bed, I remember giving him tea and putting him to bed, then things kicked off. I do feel I managed to stall it somehow, mind over matter or something.

With DD contractions started at 1.30am, so I'd pretty much gone through the first stage by 6.30 which was when he woke up. DD was born at 7am, DS2 got up about half an hour later.

With DS2 I had a friend with me and DP for the labour, which was really helpful to have someone else there to help with DS1. When DD was born DP did have to go and sort him out, get him settled etc so I was on my own with the MW for a while, but that wasn't a problem - it didn't bother me.

plastic dust sheets from homebase, sheets over the top. MW scoops it up and takes it away. What mess??!

My little girl was at home and it was fine, she was nearly 2. My parents were here to look after her. I was a bit keen on birthing programmes when I was pregnant and she must have seen some because when she was with me for a contraction she said 'mummy, baby'. When it got tougher I just stayed out of sight, I squeeled once and I heard her run to the stairs shouting for me so after that I just kept quiet. It was lovely that she was with me for a cuddle within minutes of the birth.

I'm due with my second in a few weeks, and planning my second homebirth. My DS will be 28 months and I know I don't want him to be around. I was noisy first time around and I'm sure I'll want to use my voice again. I don't want DS to be worried about me and not to be able to give him my attention.

I've tried to arrange as much cover as I can, my MIL is coming to stay over my due date, DS has a friend just down the road whose parents have said that they will take him any time and during the day in the week he can go to his childminder. I think if it all kicks off in the middle of the night we will be fine.

My first homebirth was fab - our local community midwife team are very supportive (we ended up with the midwife who had done all my antenatal care). It was just so nice not to have to go anywhere - no car journey to the hospital and we could just stay at home when the midwives had left and gaze in wonder at our son!

I agree that you are close enough if something does go wrong, but things are much less likely to go wrong if you are at home. I think it is a good idea to try to go to some active birth classes if you can, so that you feel as prepared as you can. There are some places near where I live that run courses for a reduced fee if you are on a low income.

Good luck, hope you have a great experience.

My Ds 2 was born at home and it was really brilliant. I had planned to have DD1( born after DS2) at home but she became distressed and ended up as an emergency section. The midwives were pretty quick and skilful to persuade me a die-hard home birther to get to hospital ASAP. I wouldn't worry too much about things going wrong. Community midwives who do the homebirths are very experienced and knowedgeable and pick up any signs of difficulty pretty quickly. I'd say book a homebirth. You can always change your mind at any stage.

anecdotally I know of about 6 or 7 homebirths and they were all considered a pretty great experience by the mothers/families.
Obviously there is some risk
But it seems clear to me that the woman's state of mind at home (more relaxed, more 'in control', happier) can create a more straightforward birth with fewer interventions.
Of course interventions can be wonderful but we know that interventions cause more interventions!
I think if you're young and fertile go for it! My sil had a wondeful home birth, had ds in the bath and never ever wants to go to hospital.
There is clearly some risk but check out the risks in hospital! It's all about a good experienced midwife and the good luck to have a straightforward delivery - lots of women do it.

definately agree with the state of mind thing. My two bf a lot easier than the first one too (don't know if that's significant, but I'm inclined to believe that a relaxed environment helped).

mimizan, how was the transition to hospital? I'm due to have number 4 at home in June, having had 3 great deliveries I am worried about my luck running out in a sense, so want to mentally prepare for all eventualities.

Loopymumsy - we have Hello Baby as well and DD (then 2.9) loved it, especially the bit about the shouting!!!

We had my SiL on call and she came over, got DD ready for bed and sat and read stories with her whilst I did the final bit. I think I shouted out a few times (certainly when the head crowned ) but she knew that that was part of having a baby and wasn't worried. Dh was able to bring her downstairs within 5 mins of her brother's birth and she sat and watched him in complete awe. She then went up to bed, slept throughout the night as normal and when she came in to us at 7.30am her first words were "Where is our baby?" Magic!

foxybrown, the baby's heart-rate was at 175bpm, the normal range being between 120 and 160. I wasn't too worried and the contractions weren't particurarly painful so I was all for staying at home. The midwife managed me really well by saying she just wanted to monitor the baby in hospital for half an hour, and that I would probably be back home within the hour. Afterwards she told me she was really very worried butdid not want to alarm me.

Anyway after packing a hospital bag in two minutes flat,( makes me laugh now as it took me about 4 weeks to pack bag for DS1) we were allowed to go to hospital in our own car. The contractions stopped in the car, we even stopped at a garage to buy some drinks. When we got to hospital the midwife was waiting to rush us in,(I carried my birthing ball onto the delivery suite) and the heart rate had gone up to 180bpm. Within 20 minutes of arriving, I was signing the consent forms for a caesarian.

DD was fine when born and they had no explanation for the foetal distress. However further distress could have caused brain damage or death and I now have a beautiful, healthy DD which is the important thing. I am glad we went in our own car as an ambulance would really have freaked me.

Exceptions aside, I think in the future they are going to do more study on the maternal state of mind.... experts in home birth seem to believe that there is a direct physiological effect on labour by a relaxed/familiar atmosphere, that the whole enormous hormonal push required to progress labour is, perhaps sometimes serverely restrained by panic/anxiety etc.
I'm also interested in the profound psychological effect of a midwife/doula who stays with the labouring woman throughout. Ideally one who has the confidence of the woman!
For me, in hospital, (I wasn't allowed a home birth owing to a small complication in pregnancy) the presence of my sis ( a very experienced midwife ) had a huge impact. While she was with me, holding my hand, all my panic and pain decreased and I felt safe. When she left the room I was bereft until she came back, the pain increased and more importantly than anything else, I lost my self - confidence.
There's a lot in a hospital birth to take away a woman's self - confidence!
I believe strongly in medicine where we need it - but we've definitely lost our way a bit in this country in our whole approach to obstetrics imho!
Having said all that - I'd rather have a baby in this country than in most countries in the world - and in the USA it'll cost you thousands of dollars and you'd be even more likely to have a c section!

thanks mimizan, very interesting point you make about going in your own car, it wouldn't have occurred to me but makes good sense psychologically not to have the drama of an ambulance. fingers crossed it won't happen to me or anyone else on here!

insiwincy - just wanted to apologise, I hope you don't think I've hijacked the thread and made it negative! It seems the vast majority of experiences (not only on this thread but allof the other HB threads I've read on here) have been hugely positive and massively outweighed the negatives.

but sorry anyway!

don't worry foxy - its great to read the good with the bad and know whatever happened everyone ended up well and healthy!

it still sounds much more positive than a negative experience - i'd really like to give it a go... just the rest of my family to persuade why to people fear things they haven't done themselves??

I would have had my first at home, but my mum dissuaded me. You are right, some people just don't get it!

You can prepare for both and see how you feel during labour. I was going to go in as I was a bit nervous (as you'd expect) but the hospital told me not to bother as I'd probably give birth in the waiting room - they were that busy! It did force my hand, and I'm glad it did! There was no doubt at all for no. 3. Hopefully no 4 will be as good!

i'll start on convincing everyone once i have 12 week scan and it feels a bit more real!

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for advice