At a loss for how to have this baby (very long, sorry)

[DivaSkyChick]

I have read the Thinking Woman?s Guide to a Better Birth as well as MANY other books on pregnancy and labor. I have read endless horror stories on mumsnet about mean midwives, crappy aftercare, cascading interventions, years to heal 3rd degree cuts, permanent bladder and bowel injuries and even colostomy bags needed as a result of undiagnosed breach deliveries, etc. etc. etc.

I decided I would be better off with a home birth, even though I have a history of agonizing periods necessitating strong narcotics starting from when I was 14 years old. (Not been that bad for 15 years but hard to forget!) I?m terrified of the pain but figured a couple of days at home would be better than months healing from whatever would be inflicted upon me in hospital.

I have since read in today?s paper but also elsewhere that home births may be a huge manipulation of our trust in so far as the movement for them is more due to an effort to save money than any concern for a happy safe birth experience. And they may very well be more dangerous for the baby and we may not know the consequences of the damage for years.

I don?t know about that manipulation, it could be a coincidence. But how will I console myself if my child is brain damaged as a result of a home birth gone wrong, when the reason for having a home birth is my own personal safety and comfort? Is the fear of dirty toilets, a few ?worst days of my life? in the postnatal ward and damaged ?lady bits? a fair trade off for what could happen to this life inside me?

My husband and my mother have both concluded that I should have an elective cesarean. I have had surgery before and I know that I heal well. It?s my first baby and probably my last as I am 41 yrs old. My mother will be here to take care of me, as will my husband. I won?t have the problems some do of trying to do too much, as my husband would pee for me if he could. He is a wonderful caregiver.

I feel guilty considering a c section. What about all I?ve learned, about the beauty of a natural childbirth, etc. etc. I told my midwife group that I want a home birth and they were not only supportive, they were proud of me! And yes, it?s a major surgery but a planned surgery is far safer than an emergency surgery, which could still happen.

I?m 25 weeks today. It?s probably too late to get a consultant and then there?s no guarantee he?ll give me an elective section. Even if I go private, what are the odds of getting a consultant at this late date?

Which brings me back to NHS, and back to Chelsea Westminster. Home or hospital? Me or baby? I am so afraid I?m starting to hyperventilate. I want to enjoy this time. Someone give me advice, please?

another one who has skim read! justa few points i wanted to add.

i dont think bad periods = bad labour. i dont think my labours were particularly bad and i used to regularly pass out from period pain so dont just assume you are in for a really bad time

if you think you might want a home birth then book it. you can change your mind at any time, even when you go into labour. i was going to have hb with ds4 8 weeks ago but there was meconium in my waters so i transferred to hospital. he turned out to be breech and i had em section which i was very happy with. it wasnt as lovely as the drug free water birth i had with ds3 but it was absolutely fine, so again dont assume it has to be awful.

you sound like you def know what you want. make sure your birth partner knows and is aware that they might have to stand up for you. you can go a bit fuzzy in the head during labour so its better someone with a clear head can tell them what you want. its nothing to panic about, but i had problems stringing a sentence together towards the end of labour (gas and air doesnt help!)

I agree that bad periods don't mean you will have a bad labour. In fact I found my experience of bad periods to be really helpful in labour! Like you I had terrible period pain in my teens - throwing up and off school for 2 days every month, even when I wasn't ill with anything else for years. For some reason it cleared up soon after I left school, although it improved after a dilation under general anaesthetic at age 15. Anyhow, the main thing is - I always found THEN that the best thing I could do was RELAX as deeply as I possibly could, and breathe through the contractions (in through your nose, out through your mouth). The same is true for labour - I have heard some people say labour was no worse for them than a bad period, so you have had practice already! For me, No.1 wasn't so good - progress was too slow so I was given drugs to speed things up and decided to have an epidural at that point, (great things epidurals!) No.2 was better - I felt in control (the main thing), and I used only TENS, No.3 was frustrating because I didn't get on with the midwife, and couldn't get comfortable (ie relaxed). I ended up having Pethidine which didn't seem to make a massive difference. Gas and air made me feel sick personally, and got in the way of my breathing technique, but it's a good idea to be open-minded about all the options. As for location - where do you think you will be most relaxed? That's the key.

i just want to add, that my exp of tearing rather than be cut was pretty bad.

I put it in my birth plan that this is what i wanted, and th emidwife i had was so half assed, that i truly beliee i would have been better off being cut a little, to get the head out quicker.

My expereince, of course, i was very narrow, and pushed for 2 hrs, which is not unheard of, but i was not stretching at all.

The tears i ended up with were major, and my baby burst out. Also again, this is my expereince, the midwife wasnt even really looking at me, and it came as a shock to her too.

In hindsight. i personally would have had an epidural, as what ocured was painful.

If oyu are very worried, then i see no reason not to have a c section. will consider it next time, if there is one.

hello?

Lots of women who have bad tears heal well, you are much more likely to have something go wrong if you have a caesarian even if it is elective. You could ask your midwife to do a home visit to discuss the birth and hopefully reassure you about it. How many women do you know who only have one child because the birth was so traumatic? Not many I bet. Be positive and good luck

just to ad a different viewpoint from kerry - I've had a Cs and an instrumental delivery and recovered much better from teh section. I still had a lot of pain from teh stiches for weeks after my "normal " delivery but not after teh CS