How to get good aftercare in the hospital

[DivaSkyChick]

It seems almost universal that everyone is getting terrible after care due to too few midwives on the wards, etc.

I recall new mums having to crawl to their crying babies because no one will come, being left in the shower with no towel and only a bloody gown to dress back into... lots of awful experiences.

Can anything be done about it? Is there a strategy anyone has employed successfully? I'm not talking about complaining afterwards, I want to know if anything can be done in the immediate.

Geez, I'm starting to freak already and I have 22 weeks to go...

Agree with eldestgirl mum's comment as that was my expeience. I think it is harder if you deliver in the middle of the night and family cannot stay to look after you. If I give birth in hospital this time I am planning to investigate a private room as it costs £60 with a shower but I think it will be money well spent and hopefully it will make it more likely that DP can stay with us until baby and I are settled, clean etc even if it is the wee small hours again.

I have nothing but praise for our maternity unit. The rooms are large and you deliver one side and have nice acrpeted area with bed the other. They will try to keep you in these rooms for as long as possible and if they are not busy then it is more than possible you will spend your stay in a single room free of charge. If you have a elective the you are automatically given a single room for the duration of your stay. The midwives couldn't have been kinder and had our dd one night from midnight until 6 am so I could get some sleep, and I am not the first that that has happened to. I think the only thing I would agree in and most of the modwives also agreed thta the meals weren't large enough for breastfeeding mothers. All in all it was a very positive experience.

I am a midwife of 23 years experience, currently working mainly in the community, although I am still v. much "hands on" in the mat Unit Too. Just to say after reading all of your post, the one I agree with most is "runninglate"". She's absolutly spot on. Nowadays the emphasis is on returning to normality ASAP, up & about after your LSCS, early discharge and back to normal in the kitchen, for some women this will be a few days later. It is a question of priority these days for those poor girls (how I pity them11) rushing around on delivery suite and the p/natal ward like headless chickens. It is a case of looking after the women/babies who are high risk, with or without complications. I have to say that in the vast majority of cases, most women are perfectly capable of getting out of bed on their own, after that initial first time out of bed, when many women will feel faint, to go to the loo or bath. Yes, by all means enlist the help of your better half or Mum to keep an eye on baby while you're out of the room. Go home as soon as you're able, and once you've "cracked" the b/feeding, that's the biggest stumbling block for most women. You'll have more rest AND help at home. Everything falls into place, for most women once they're back home in their comfort zone.

They probably won't look after you as such - if you need help you'll have to ask and probably wait a bit. But if you're prepared to do as much as poss for yourself you'll be fine. I was in the same hospital for all three and went to local maternity unit after the intial few hours. There was lovely clean bathrooms, loads of hot water and clean towels, if you needed help it was there (after a wait), there was hot and reasonably OK food and plenty of it but you had to walk to the dining room unless you couldn't walk. There were women who had had c-sec who were waited on hand and foot. Even got help learning how to bathe a baby and change nappies - in fact I had to fight the nurse off the second and third times!! So it could be OK - bring books, snacks, loads of clean underwear and pyjamas etc. They only provide the bare minimum.

aND Please sign this petition;

petitions.pm.gov.uk/jobsformidwives

To try and convice the gov to guarantee a job for a year for each new midwifery graduate so we can get some experience (which is vital) rather than a year at Tescos.

discharge yourself after 6 hours!

I have given birth in both a midwife led maternity hospital and a large NHS hospital and although I had very different birthing experiences I had very good care at both. However I didn't expect a midwife to be on hand with a towel as soon as I got out of the shower and I took both a bag of stuff for the birth and a bag with dressing gown etc for afterwards. My DP was there to support me after the birth with basic things and the midwives did what they do best which is help with stuff such as breastfeeding, checking stitiches, blood pressure etc.

My attitude is just that the midwives and consultants etc are there to help during the birth process and support new mums afterwards with breastfeeding. I do think that some people expect too much.

you're lucky that they let your partner stay afterwards though, our local hosp only lets partners in for visiting hours, so you give birth then are shipped off to post natal minus any family help at all. I wouldn't mind not bothering the mw with lots of personal type stuff if I had my dh or my mum on hand instead.

I am sorry but i think to abandon a 1st time mum in the middle of the night and expect her to just get on with it if she can twiddle her toes is neglectful, I wasn't shown for more than 30 seconds how to breastfeed or helped out of the robes i delivered in despite a long labour (transfered home birth) and traumatic delivery. That night in hospital was the worst of my life and I still cry if I think about it. I am sorry to have to say this on a thread which should have positive stories but i think this attitude that people who complain about after care are just expecting too much fails to take into account individual circumstances. I wasnt expecting somebody to wait on us hand and foot just a small amount of help and empathy.

Sorry i lost the plot there, I should have just said that I agree with morocco!

Hi as a mum and a senior midwife I find some of these comments really interesting..I have just finished a 14 hour shift which should have been 12.5, but due to the lack of staff I had half an hour lunch break at 3pm and had worked since 7.15..I am always trying to make t a special time for Mums and their families as do all my colleagues but in an ever tightening financial situation we are pushed to the end of our tether.who do you prioritise? a woman who is crying because she is exhausted from having given birth and no sleep and is desperate to breastfeed, a woman who has just returned from theatre and is at risk of bleeding, a baby who is jittery and weighs 3lb 9oz and is on the ward as NICU is full and it would have to move 35 miles to nearest unit with beds,do you go to labour ward and help because they are desperate or do you go to the woman who rings the bell for you to pour her glass of water because she is tired and cant be arsed to move?!! welcome to my world ladies..so when you are thinking about complaining just have a think about the poor midwives who have forgotten what an easy shift is like!!

Oh forgot to say thats all on top of doctors rounds, arranging scans,sorting out appointments,discharging women,arranging elective surgery,consolling a woman who had ruptured her membranes at 22 weeks and been told there was no chance of her baby surviving and writing a statement in response to a complaint about 2 paracetamol not being given on time!!.2 of us Midwives for 32 patients and 26 babies with 2 healthcare assistants!! and please dont think we dont try to raise awareness.we do it every single day..the government is to blame for this mess we are in, but I missed putting my girls to bed tonight as i stayed late for women like you, and doing a job that i love and have stuck to for the past 17 years despite it being like working in hell at times!

I have nothing but praise for my maternity unti too. I could see that the midwives were desparately understaffed (they couldn't induce me because the delivery suites were full - then every bed on post natal was full too). One of the lovely mw told me that despite being busy, but to ring anyway everytime I wanted to breastfeed to someone could check - and they did.

The only thing about going to the shower was that they insisted one of the staff be there the first time (I had an epi) for legal reasons.

My only regret is that in the haze of new motherhood I forgot to send a thankyou card/present. I'll be more prepared this time round and bring them with me!

Dear Ms. Funky Mum,

Please please accept my apologies if I offended you or other mums on this board. I have learned a lot in the past few weeks on these boards and want to assure you that I am not suggesting that after care issues are the result of uncaring or sadistic midwives. I think everyone is aware of the cuts to NHS and other social services.

I'm very thankful that you are on these boards and that you share your knowledge and experience.

I just do not believe that the answer is to say, "ohh, I understand everyone is strained, I should just be prepared with my disenfectant and my camping equipment and shut up now." I'm not going into war, I'm having a baby! That may not make me special, I know women do it all the time, but if I am going to be in a hospital, I have the right to expect to be cared for when I most vulnerable. Not before the preemie or the woman who is bleeding, but AS WELL AS.

Midwives shouldn't be cleaning bathrooms or bring exhausted new mums water, I totally agree. But SOMEONE needs to.

Squeaky wheels get the grease. We all need to fight for our rights. Am I alone in thinking this?

I think you need to be persistent in asking for whatever help you need on the postnatal ward

If the aftercare turns out to be rubbish DO COMPLAIN in writing. Unless the hospital get complaints nothing will change

Choose your hospital carefully! Had ds1 and ds2 in one hospital with terrible staffing problems and consequently awful aftercare, and ds3 in a different hospital which provided excellent aftercare. Couldn't fault them at all. The only oversight was sending me home (3 days post section) with no pain relief, but the community midwife sorted it out in some sort of whirl of energy the next day).

Funkymum I appreciate how hard some midwives work but I am afraid i agree with DivaSkyChick, I had a really large epi'omy I was bent over double could hardly walk, I just wanted somebody to help me out of bed for the first time. I bled in the toilets and cleaned it up myself incidentally I didnt expect someone else to do it. My DS had a fit due to low blood sugar and maybe that would have been avoided if the midwife had done more than flick my nipples and shake her head about how small they were. The midwife who delivered my baby passed on instructions to the midwife told me what they were and the midwifes on the ward couldnt fulfil those for whatever reason. My stitches werent checked until I was literally out of the door having self discharged after a couple of days - then the midwife shook her said and said ooh they look sore.

DivaSkyChick - Hi, I sympathise, I went through the same fears during my pregnancy, only mine were about the birth itself. I think being in a different country really exacerabates worries for those with a tendency to such things.

I think there is a lot of luck involved. My birth went very well, thanks to a very lucky chance.

I read recently an NHS survey which stated (as these things always seem to) that richer people get better service in hospitals - so I tried to look rich - also, of course, beautiful people generally do better - you really do need that facial/manicure/pedicure . So I did my best to look both rich and beautiful (don't think I really achieved that though so can't say if it worked).

Anyway, I think being sparing with your requests and making sure the staff know you are very appreciative of anything they do for you makes it more likely they will be happy to help next time - that's what I found anyway. I thought the staff were all great at my large hopsital although the procedures really let them down. As for being overworked - there seemed to be a lot of chatting and somehow my baby, which should have been on 4 hour obs, never seemed to get one during the night. Fortunately, it was my second baby so I had a fair idea of warning signs myself. When I did have concerns I asked each person who came along about them and eventually one got the paediatric registrar, who was very good and did some tests.

I think being forewarned is being forearmed - find out about policy re husband/partner with you after the birth - my hospital wouldn't let partner into the ward during the evening (although they were quite happy to let other patients chat loudly until 3 am and then loudly tidy up their belongings (grrr).

Good luck with your pregnancy and birth.

"Anyway, I think being sparing with your requests and making sure the staff know you are very appreciative of anything they do for you makes it more likely they will be happy to help next time "

That is very true. No-one responds well to rude aggressive people especially when they are tired and overworked anyway. If the nurses/mws tell you their names or wear name badges, use their names when you talk to them.

I think that the point about rich/beautiful people (lol!) getting better service is all about confidence. If you beleive you will get good service that shows in the way you behave to the people you meet and it will have an impact on them. If you feel that everyone has a downer on you, you will act more aggressively and p*ss everyone off. Nothing to do with looks or money, just confidence and manner. Not sure it makes all that much difference but it might help. I had a homeopathist tell me that the reason I got good treatment from the NHS (and everywhere else generally) was because I had the right coloured aura .

I had great care in NHS hospitals both times

on a few points

1. in both hospitals i went to there were helpers who bring water/food in the day etc - they were not midwives or nurses but in blue coats and were lovely.

1. when you really need help (eg after c-section) the help is there all the time and is first-class - as you get better you are left to your own devices

1. showers, getting tea etc is prob best when your partner is there as he can stay with baby for the whole time - it just seems more sensible than waiting for someone else - you might be gone ten minutes

1. I had constant help with breastfeeding for two days in my first hospital - every single feed a midwife (including one man) helped me latch on, position etc - i was hopeless - they were all fantastic. I would have given up without that amazing patient care.

1. the middle of the night is tough - baby will wake and it can be hard if you are learning feeding - but that is the same at home too. I did have help in the night but i think i was so freaked out - tired, new baby, strange place it was never going to be a relaxing night!

6, private side rooms tend to be made available only to mums who have babies with special requirements or have had emergency c-sections - only rarely are they avail for mums with normal births or even elective sections - don't bank on it. I am positive you can't book one in advance

and if you are getting worried, then do book in to a private hospital - there are loads around - not just the portland - a 'straightforward delivery' and short stay can be £1000 - prob cheaper than the USA - plenty of people do especially first time - it might put your mind at rest

newgirl - where are these £1000 hospitals??

Well all I can say is that its just like everything in life,the birth experience, post natal care and life with a new born is a combination of factors...its a matter of expectation (which I have to say some antenatal teachers give a very biased and sometimes unrealistic level of expectation) which leads women to feel disempowered,disheartened and down right ticked off if things dont go according to the laminated birth plan. I know that as in all professions there are good midwives and bad..why not ask to see the ward manager whilst you are an inpatient if things are so bad..surely you would do that if any other service was unsatisfactory? and maybe the problem can be rectified for you..but as others have said, do it politely n ur much more likely to get what you want..as a co-ordinator i know I try to amend problems and be flexible..we should treat each other with respect and it cuts both ways.I have had people speak to me as if I am trash whilst at work n I can honestly say that if someone spoke to me like that whilst I was out of uniform I would probably tell them exactly what I thought of them,but at work? it has to be total professionalism! so really what I am saying is, you be nice to me n I will be nice to you!..(I being all Midwives ;) )

I am 3 weeks away from having my second child by C-Sec. Although I am very nervous I am and will be more prepared for this hospital stay than the last as my DS1 was an emergency C-sec. My aftercare was ok - but could have been better. There are so many things that have been said for all points of views here with each being right in there own ways.

I am with Diva with regards to standing up for your rights and complaining when needed otherwise the hospitals are powerless... and I too agree with funkymum as there are some people who do just complain for nothing and expect too much.

I honestly believe it has to do with the hospital you have your baby in. My local hosiptal (which they are trying to shut down at the moment) allowed DH and Mum (both my birth partners) to come up to the ward with me after DS!'s birth (was about 10pm) and make sure I was settled for the night before leaving. From 8am partners (or allocated person if partener can't make it) is allowed until 12:00 (although they did not ask DH to leave when 12 came) and then others are allowed from 2pm - 8pm.

I had better treatment over night and the midwives did the best they could. There were aux staff to bring tea and water and change bed linen - which they would come by every day to ask if you wanted your linen and bed made. Meal times have changed slightly now (have stayed on ward in anti-natal room 3 times during this PG). Meals are now served by Aux staff in dinning area where you can choose what you want and have a choice of hot food, salads, fruit, deserts, yogurts biscuits etc and you can help yourself to as much as you want and its not that bad. If you cant get out of bed they will bring your food for you or your DP can get it for you.

My only regret from my first stay was not making sure I got out of bed earlier as they were to busy to help me and the same for bathing my baby. This time I know better and for the important things like getting out of bed, medication etc I would definately make sure I am heard but for the rest I think hospitals should keep an open mind about letting DP or others to help - especially when you have had a C-sec as this would aleviate some of the pressures MW have to face. I cant beleive some of the hospitals dont allowd DP (or allocated) person in to help in the morning. Maybe this is somthing all the hospitals should look into.... things like showering, extra tea and water and personal care could be given by DP and visitors. I hope we win the fight to keep St Richards open as the staff there and the way of doing things seems very good and fair.... compaired to soe of the stories on here. Good luck to you all