A lot of negativity when telling people I'll probably have a cs

[shabbychic1]

I'm going to have an ELCS, it's what is going to be best for me and baby and is recommended by consultant gynae. I'm surprised that I get a lot of negativity when saying to people, even close friends. I often get the 'stunned' look. Then they say obviously if it's best for me and baby, but I feel like I have to explain to them why as if it's a 'wrong' choice. Obviously it doesn't really matter i the grand scheme of things but i have to admit that I've been surprised at reactions. Anyone else had this?

Thing is in a few years time, no one will care. I don't really remember that much about mine 12 years later.

I usually joke 'you know me, too posh to push'.

I have had one idiot tell me that I'm not a real woman because I haven't given birth. I told him that trying to deliver transverse DTs, yes both of them, would probably have killed me and them, so I'll take bring a 'pretend' woman over a dead one. That shut the stupid Arse up!

One of the unknown benefits of a cs is not getting drawn into conversation with the 'worst birth ever', 14 days of labour, 300 stitches types.

I told friends upfront I was having an ELCS. I thought I'm not going to be someone who apologises for it, is embarrassed by it. It was my informed decision, the choice I was confident was right for me and my baby. It's perfectly acceptable for women to talk about preparing for a home birth, or Vb in hospital - why should a woman preparing for a CS be told to keep quiet about it (I'm hoping Flogging is just trolling here, but in case not). My baby is healthy, I'm healthy, I'm proud I made the choice that in our particular set of circumstances was right.

Venus - I do agree with you in part about the economics, but I think it's a bit more complex than that - if we had Brazil's c-section rate the risk is that midwives would no longer have the experience and therefore skills to manage complicated vaginal births. So while I'm pro-choice on this matter I don't think 70% id something we should aspire to

My MIL is the opposite she's been telling me I need to have a CS! I get the impression she hated her vaginal births and would have jumped at the opportunity for CS. Actually CS would be more risky for us than vaginal so I found her comments quite offensive. Firstly she was telling me not asking or discussing and secondly CS would put me and baby at increased risk based on our circumstances. So I think it's just a sensitive topic that people need to keep their own opinions out of. Don't forget that some people may just be genuinely surprised you are having a c section too as they seem hard to come by even if you have strong medical evidence. But you absolutely shouldn't feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone. Your body your choice and you need to do what's best for you and baby. I find the following phrase useful 'i found your comment a bit offensive. Our priority is safety and and this option is based on the best medical advice we could find'. I hope people respect your decision and I wish you a lovely birth!

If this bothers you, think about how you phrase things and have a stock response which immediately closes down what people can reply to you.

'I am having a CS on medical advice which I am pleased about as they have picked up on the problem. I think staff have been great with their advice under the circumstances and I have lots confidence in them, that its the best thing for me and the baby'

Learn to control the conversation from the word go.

No need to say anymore. If people push you, then you just say, you don't feel comfortable talking about the ins and outs of your medical history with anyone but the hospital.

Don't try and justify.

Mental Health is Health. Clue in the title.

FWIW, I did tell some people I knew I had been medically advised that an ELCS was the best thing for my physical and mental health. I had a positive response to this. In part because people don't really want to push you on the subject of mental health!

Great advice Red, I've read other posts about cs from you and your advice and sensitive/sensible research are always welcome

I had an ELCS after an EMCS. Almost every conversation went like this:

Them: "So when's your due date?"
Me: "It's xxxx"
Them: "Second babies are usually early"
Me: "No that is definitely the date because I'm booked in for a C-section"
Them: (shocked look) "Oh! Why?"

And I ended up mumbling something about medical advice and traumatic first birth when I wish I'd had the balls to say "Because I want one, not that it's any of your business."

redtoothbrush your posts really helped me when I was pregnant and 'considering' begging for a c section. Thank you.

I got this too shabbychic. My last cs was 9 years ago but nothing changes! Even my hairdresser said "Is that through choice or for medical reasons?" - like it was any of her business.

When you consider over 25% of births are cs, why should anyone be "stunned"? It's not that unusual.

I agree with the idea of having a stock response which you learn, so that takes the stress out of individual conversations.

Also, keep in mind (but don't say to people) that lots of my friends who had vaginal births and were a bit judgmental about my cs are now having problems with prolapse/pelvic floor. Two have needed surgery. It's easy to be judgmental about how other women give birth but there are usually very good reasons for cs.

I know, I have other reasons as well, but I'm pleased I won't have to go through the tears, prolapse, incontinence etc. Don't feel as if I can say that because it's unfair for those that have had to, but it is a relief.

'Through choice' and 'for medical reasons' are not mutually exclusive.

Its worth stressing if people do probe.

(and thank you for the kind comments!)

I'm having an ELCS after a crash EMCS with PFB in a couple of weeks. Baby is measuring huge so I'm glad! Luckily not had too many negative comments. Most people know about my first birth I suppose so hopefully are cutting me some slack if they are thinking of being at all judgey about this one. I think people should remember the priority is healthy baby and healthy mum - who honestly cares how that comes about!

Extraordinary, isn't it, the sheer number of people that want to comment on something so personal? I had an Elcs because I wanted one. I didn't see the attraction in the risk of incontinence dtc and I'm a big believer in science and pain relief. I didn't want a "birth experience", I wanted a baby, and my lovely Elcs meant I had him in less than 23 minutes, and that I didn't have to go through labour.

Screw them - it's your body.

I started off explaining it too, as if I had to justify my choice (like when a host at a lunch ask if I didn't "even want to try to do it properly") but towards the end I just thought "screw it" and stopped trying to explain.

It is nobody's business but yours. We have fetishised natural birth to a ludicrous extent in the UK so I'm afraid some people will always look like they've sucked a lemon when you tell them. I suggest you end your announcements in future with a ringing "yay, science!" And turn on your heel...