A lot of negativity when telling people I'll probably have a cs

[shabbychic1]

I'm going to have an ELCS, it's what is going to be best for me and baby and is recommended by consultant gynae. I'm surprised that I get a lot of negativity when saying to people, even close friends. I often get the 'stunned' look. Then they say obviously if it's best for me and baby, but I feel like I have to explain to them why as if it's a 'wrong' choice. Obviously it doesn't really matter i the grand scheme of things but i have to admit that I've been surprised at reactions. Anyone else had this?

[kiki22]

I've has lots of people say "aww was your first a section" with a sad poor you face when I say no the then out on the ????? face.

I have had a few people be judgy to posh to push and the like (all from woman who had quick straight forward births funnily) it does upset me because I'd love to have a normal easy in and out birth but I was so traumatised by my first birth I'm choosing a major op over risking it again it's not an easy decision.

[Skiptonlass]

Elective just means not on the day emergency. So it can be scheduled for multiple reasons. I had placenta and vasa previa so the alternative to a Cs was one or both of us both ending up dead.
It's your body and your birth. Whether you have just a preference for Cs or 'valid' medical reasons, it's none of anyone else's biz.
I have a method I use to deal with idiots who make such comments. Put on your best poker face, adopt an air of concern and explain in excruciating biological detail why you're having one. I only had to do this with two people but I thoroughly enjoyed locking eyes with them and going on just a little toooo far using every gynaecological term I could. By the end they were physically squirming trying to get away.

On a more serious note, I've several friends who have severe damage from being railroaded into vaginal birth when they should have had c sections. Hospitals are under pressure to get numbers down and this has lead to some utterly disgraceful clinical decisions.
Good luck with your c section and enjoy your lovely baby.

[SouthDownsSunshine]

I made the mistake of telling a close family member that I had asked for an ELCS. I got a talking to about how it was a mistake etc.

I had a very traumatic labour with dc2, 3rd degree tear, severe pnd, double incontinence for months after, and a very real fear of it happening again. DD was ok, fortunately, but had to go straight onto painkillers for the pain it caused her.

DH and I have talked about it a lot, I've talked to midwives, I've done lots of research, and we came to the difficult decision we'd go for an ELCS.

It's not a decision that anyone takes lightly. I'd much much rather have a straightforward natural vaginal labour. But after last time it's not guaranteed.

[barbecue]

Then they say obviously if it's best for me and baby

So you reply "yes, obviously it's the best option for us, that's why I'm doing it."

[DustOffYourHighestHopes]

Two non-medical electives and no one said anything to my face.

I would have given them short shrift if they had.

[paniniswapx3]

Ignore - do what's best for you & the baby & don't give anyone else a second thought. Weird things happen when you're pregnant & usually nice people say rude stuff all the time. It's very bizarre.

Enjoy your pregnancy & hope the birth goes well.

[shabbychic1]

Thanks everyone, glad I'm not alone- I feel rallied.

[se17mama]

Ignore them! I had a particularly nasty birth with DS1. Letter from consultant to say CS from now on. Even with that I was send to a midwife to talk me into natural - I was having none of it. She (or non me of the other judgers) was not there for my first labour or the 12 month recovery period thereafter! Do whatever you feel is right for you.

Oh and by the way. Two CSs later..... Best thing ever! Just stay on sofa for a week or so following.

[Floggingmolly]

Stop telling people

[Iagreewithmrsdevere]

They are just jealous because their bits are ripped to fuck and you will just have a neat line covered up by the top of your pubes. Tell the next hater that

[phoolani]

Comments from random people about my ELCSs were nothing compared to the vitriol I received from midwives. I lost count of how many I had to tell to mind their own fucking business about my personal decision.

[jamhot]

If someone told me they were having an ELCS, I would probably look a bit stunned for a good long moment. I would be trying to figure out what to say that is the right balance of enquiry into their health without being too prying. I am not very good with things like that. I hope some of the stunned looks you received were for similar reasons.

If not and they're just judgy, they can stuff off. It's not like hospitals hand out ELCSs to everyone. There has to be good reason.

[Only1scoop]

Agree

I'd just not tell anyone

[Booboostwo]

I had two CSs because that is what I wanted having looked into different birthing methods and made a personal judgement about relative risks. I did get a lot of negative comments about both but mainly from people who did not have a clue - I don't mean a subjective disagreement about how to weigh up different risks, I mean clueless. For example when I told my mother I was thinking of ELCS she burst into tears and said I would die under anaesthesia.

[Floggingmolly]

But why did you discuss it with everyone and his dog, Booboo, that's the real point?? If you shove personal information in other people's faces unasked, you can't whine when they in turn give their opinion on it.

[barbecue]

People often say "I wonder if baby will arrive on X date" or "perhaps you'll go overdue" etc. I think that's when people might reply "Actually I'm booked in for a C-section next week". And of course you should be able to say that without anyone making judgy comments about it. Just giving this basic information shouldn't invite a free-for-all opinions session or force a woman to justify her decision. It's simple manners.

[kiki22]

I've told people when it's come up so when they say when is your due date I tell them, it happens to be a week after DS starts school and a day before my 30th so then people keep saying oh I hope you don't go early then at which point I would say I will be early as having section, other things have been people asking if I'm worried about birth after the mess of DS birth or even just people chatting about their own births.

I should have been a Kardashian really I'm an open book keeping things quiet isn't in my nature I'm crap at keeping secrets.

[shabbychic1]

Yes I've told people when they ask my due date, and discussed it a couple of relatives and with a few friends who've had (mainly awful) births. I'm so glad my DH is 100% in support of the descision. I have to say I almost feel 'guilty/bad' saying it, and at first I was so wanting natural/ hypnobirth, I always end up saying this to 'prove' it's not a something decided upon a whim. Funny, friends who've had 50+ internal and eternal stitches, infected stitches, painful sex even years later and incontinence issues from vb still tried to talk me into trying it. I have to say it's made me very aware of being as nonjudgmental as possible in other aspects also as I just think people don't realise how their (well meaning) judgement can affect (already neurotic with pregnancy hormones ) people!.... Oh and don't get me started on the 'rain on your parade, everything in pregnancy is a competition and I was much better at it' colleagues. Who I definitely HAVEN'T told about ELCS!! But that's probably another thread lol!!

[MYA2016]

I had an emergency section after 14 hours of labour with a back to back baby who wasn't In the right position. It was horrific and I was in total shock as he was poorly when he was born due to a sudden drop in heart rate.
Next time I would 100% opt for a planned section, i couldn't go through the trauma again. A section is major surgery but like you say it's about doing what's best for you and your baby!
I feel sad that I may never experience pushing a baby into the world but it just about that.
As for other people's opinions... my friend had a baby a few months later - 4 hours start to end, gas and air only.
She told me 'you're sooo lucky to have had a cesarean, you definitely got the easy option, I'm so jealous of you, labour is horrific, I'm definitely asking for a cesarean next time it'it's so much easier'.
No doubt in my mind that pushing must be really bloody hard but after the ordeal i went through it was definitely not something I wanted to hear!
I've had to learn to ignore everyone's opinions but am dreading telling people next time that I'd have an ELCS!

[Booboostwo]

What a judgey post Flogging! Top marks for irony!
I did not shove it in anyone's face (not sure how I could do that anyway!) I am Greek and went home for the birth. Day two after the birth I had visitors from 9 am to 9.30 pm and they included a lady who worked for my grandmother in Egypt some 50 years ago (lovely lady, very nice to keep in touch with her in general) through to my FIL's girlfriend's sister's husband, who, it turns out, does not agree with elective CSs.

If you think my responses were intrusive you'd have had conniptions at my mother's cousin, a retired paediatrician, who felt DD was jaundiced on day 2 and went behind mine and DH's backs to order extra genetic tests for her.

[Annie105]

I'm having an ELCS due to extreme fear of birth. I wish I'd kept my mouth shut and not told anyone as everyone (with the exception of friends who have had planned sections for medical reasons) have been judgemental. At my antenatal class my husband and I were asked about our birth plan (everyone was) and I was so fed up with people being horrified I lied as the woman taking the classes had opened up the session asking if anyone had watched the Portland hospital programme on the women to posh to push. How sad is that. Now I've got to sit through those classes pretending to be ok with hearing all about natural birth and knowing I'm getting no help from the course leader because of what she thinks of sections.

I don't judge anyone who wants a fully natural birth which is my idea of utter terror so why do they all judge us

[Only1scoop]

I avoided all ante natal classes didn't fancy that.

[kiki22]

I wouldn't bother with the antenatal class if she's like that or tell your mv shes a cowbag and you want another class with a diff person.

[Zaurak]

Annie, tokophobia is a pretty valid reason for wanting a c section. A good birth leaves mum and baby physically and psychologically intact.

The key is informed choice. If you're aware of the risks and benefits of Cs and vb then the choice should be yours. Cs wasn't covered in my antenatal classes either. The 'interventions' part was skipped in moments. We were asked for feedback and mine was that by peddling the 'ideal' as what was going to happen they were setting women up to be terrified of things if they went a bit wrong. They should have done something like : "X % of births happen without intervention. X% need some form of intervention. Here are the main things that can happen and here's how the medical teams are ready and able to deal with it." I also told them off for not covering c sections!
The knit your own yoghurt "pain is in the mind, I breathed y baby out yo whale music and so can you" crowd do not help - women need a positive but honest assessment of what birth involves. Birth is inherently risky.

[VenusRising]

Congrats shabby!

A cesarian birth is natural! Over 70% of Brazilian women have one.
The negativity here comes from the cost to the NHS, and it's an economic reflex to want all mothers to have their babies vaginally as its 10times cheaper.
I think more mums should have elcs and the non medical judges should stfu!

My advice is to keep your medical details to yourself. If you're hearing a lot of negativity about your choices, repeat on loop: "we are doing what best for mum and baby."

Enjoy the birth of your precious baby and have fun!