Will my labour be like my mum's?

[JuniDD]

I'm only 18 weeks and generally get on well with my mum. But.
She keeps telling me to push my midwife for a c-section. She had forceps with me, and tells me my nan and my aunt had the same. She doesn't want this for me. She tells me I am very small (I don't think I am!) and will struggle with labour.

She works in women's health so does come across birth damage in her job and obviously it happened to her. I feel like she's disempowering me and whilst the idea of forceps isn't brilliant, I'm less keen on the idea of a c-section. Can you request ventouse instead of forceps? Plus, it might all go swimmingly, or any of the other things that happen around pregnancy and labour might come up and I end up with a c-section anyway.

I guess I feel that there's a lot more information and empowerment for women now than there was back in the 50's and 80's. I hope I'd be starting off in a "better" position that they were back then, but I obviously understand that you get the birth you get and sometimes all the yoga in the world can't change things if the baby decides to be breech/transverse or whatever.

So, did you have the same birth & interventions as your mum or other women in your family? Should I just ask her to stop going on about it and leave me to make my own decisions? Thanks.

There is NO scientific evidence whatsoever that there is a link between the birth experience your mother (or any other relative) and yours.

On the other hand, there is plenty of evidence that women who have had a traumatic birth experience themselves are much more likely to request a CS themselves.

Your mother is projecting her experience and unresolved trauma on to you. Thats really rather unfair on you.

Your poor mum; it sounds like she had a rough time. But I think, as previous posters have said, her wishes for you are about her unresolved feelings.

My mum had two traumatic births (in different ways) and I had 3 fairly smooth births, including one on the syntocin drip. I'm fairly petite with boyish hips - although I don't think that makes a difference unless you're very small does it?

Be as prepared, and as open-minded, as you can be (sounds like you are already tbh). I hope it goes very well and smoothly for you.

My labours were quite similar to my mums. There seems to be something about the shape of the pelvis in our family that encourages babies to turn back to back!

But just because your mum had trouble doesn't mean you will, as everyone else has said.

Regarding forceps/ventouse. You can't really 'choose' between them. Generally doctors will use ventouse if they can, and forceps if ventouse isn't possible. You could, however, say you wish to avoid forceps and would prefer to have a section if that is looking necessary (which is normally but not absolutely always accommodate, short of you actually refusing treatment against advice).

I've not read the whole thread, so sorry if this has already come up. I just wanted to come on and say that even if you do end up with forceps it doesn't have to be as horrendous as your Mum is saying.

My DD was born by forceps after failed ventouse. Yes, at the time it wasn't particularly pleasant, but it was over super quickly and then I had the most gorgeous warm little bundle in my arms. I had an episiotomy and needed a few stitches, but these had healed by my 10 day check.

I am now due to have number two in a week, so it can't have been that bad!

My Mum has tortured me with horrible stories of my birth my whole life and I think it goes some way to making you believe you will have a terrible birth. It doesn't have to be that way for you. Have a look at the some of the positive birth stories threads on here and maybe consider Hypnobirthing, which is fantastic for promoting a positive birth attitude.

She's projecting, I can understand her fears but thankfully times have changed a lot, and it really isn't fair to be filling your head with her anxieties.

I hope you have a very calm birth and that you feel completely in control

just another responce mirroring most of the posts her. my dm only had me, I was 2 weeks late and big. they later told her I should of been c section. she struggled for hours and had forceps. I've had 4 dds and had no intervention with any of them. I can understand your dm must be anxious for you but hopefully you wont follow in the same path and the anxiety it is causing for you wont help. enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and try to stop worrying

My mum had a 24 hour labour after weeks of false labour pains and going over due.

With my first, I had no signs, figured he'd be a couple of weeks late as on my due date had had no pains. I went into labour in the evening and he was born within 5 hours from the very first, oh what's this slight pain I'm feeling.

I know a few women with tiny frames that have had good births and big babies and didn't need a c section or forceps etc and equally the opposite.

Thanks all, this is a lovely, reassuring thread!
I saw the consultant today and asked her about this. She put it like this - it's all to do with the baby's position. A tiny baby can be impossible to give birth to, and a small woman can give birth to a big baby naturally if it's in the right position. If my mum starts up again I'll tell her that then ask her to stop talking about it.

I believe I was transverse (had to be manually turned during labour, needed a clip on my head as they thought I'd died) so not sure what happens now if a baby is this way round.

It does sound like having me was horribly traumatic the more I write about it, but that doesn't mean the same will happen to me!

They would probably identify if the baby was transverse during your pregnancy and give you a scan to check the baby's position. If it didn't shift, they would give you the option to try and turn the baby (you can refuse this) or if that wasn't possible or you declined to turn it, offer you a CS.

Its unlikely that you would end up going into labour with an unidentified transverse baby these days.

I think transverse lies are automatic caesareans now, JuniDD, but I could be wrong.

There are ways to try to turn a baby before labour, and there are things you can do in late pregnancy to facilitate a good position (lots of forward sitting, kneeling on all fours etc) but of course you can do all the 'right' things and the baby doesn't play ball!

I so hope you have a calm experience, however the baby comes out. From a complete layperson's viewpoint, attitudes in midwifery seem to have come a long way since the 80s. All my midwives in various births were complete heroes.

Thanks both. I had a look on the "spinning babies" website and reading about transverse said to myself "She should've had a c-section" or at least help to get me better positioned. It's so sad. But, I am feeling a lot better about it all, thank you for your positive wishes! I am quite "what will be, will be" about it. I don't have my heart set on any type of birth/labour. I just want the baby fully cooked and coming out alive and undamaged!

My mum nearly died having me, but I had a 2 hour labour, 15 mins pushing and no tearing... And that was with induction. So no I don't think it does mean anything

If such a think as a genetically formed uterus and vagina existed, it could be your dads side you take after

Plus medicine and midwifery has moved on to limit or enact as little intervention as possible, they won't grab the forceps unless absolutely vital!