Things you wish you'd known about birth and beyond

[sambababy]

One week ago I became a mummy for the first time Since then I've been thinking about things that happened in the birth and beyond which I hadn't read about beforehand in my mountain of books (or had possibly forgotten).

I thought it might be helpful to some mums to be if we shared these things so here are mine.

Birth
The pushing stage. I didn't realise that the process for delivering the head involved many pushes where the head would go back in in between contractions. Apparently it's something to do with the immense pressure on the baby's head and is perfectly normal. I was getting impatient to get the head out!

Beyond
The dreaded 2nd night! It wouldn't have been dreadful at all if only we'd known not for a second to expect DD to sleep anywhere except on one of us. As it was, we were fooled by the night in hospital where she was understandably tired after the birth and slept in the cot. We spent the whole 1st night at home pulling our hair out wondering why she wouldn't sleep when we put her down.

(I'd like to add a disclaimer here saying this is only my experience, I'm sure it's different for everyone! hth)

[Layter]

The hair thing...

So the pain is dealt with, the sleeplessness is being endured, sometime in those few weeks you may even be thinking that this parenting business is quite fun, then all that fabulous pregnancy hair FALLS OUT.

For weeks.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

... and then it starts growing back and for months you have tufty bits all round your hairline and a fuzzy halo. Not looking forward to that again.

[Atbeckandcall]

I wish someone had told me before the ELCS that it wasn't going to be as bad as the pilonidal sinus I'd had a few years before. I'd have slept more in the run up.

Also wish is been told that babies have cactus mouths when breastfeeding.

That even will all the best intentions in the world, you really should make sure dp learns how to use the pushchair/car seat and steriliser before baby comes. He couldn't work out how to get it out of the car to come and get me and dd. It took him an hour!!! I did know but couldn't go and show him

[StackALee]

That no ne is going to offer me gas and air, so ask.

That it is possible to get to ten cm without really feeling the urge to or knowing when to push.

[Nessalina]

Expecting my first in November - this is all good stuff ladies!

[Nessalina]

Killed it. D'oh!

Come on! We first timers need all the gruesome detail we can get

[Teabiscuits]

That gas and air can make things hilarious - such as farting hugely and uncontrollably right at the midwife during a contraction. DH was on the phone to MIL at the time, and all she could hear was me howling with laughter. To be fair the MW had a giggle too .

The 'baby won't be put down' thing. If you are comfortable with it, give up and co-sleep. Expecting number 4 in.Sept, if we have another one that won't settle on their own I'm planning to drag pillows, duvet and DH off the bed and it will be just me, baby and a blanket or two.

That when your partner goes back to work it can be almost as shocking as when baby was first born. You can spend two weeks in a lovely bubble when he's always at home, then suddenly you're on you're own all day!

[McKitten84]

1 - don't worry about labour as its what comes after is more scary

2- gas and air is hilarious at first

3 - if you have an epidural you tend to over push with your lower back, was confused after birth why my back hurt more than my lady bits!!

4 - if you are unsure or want to ask just ask the midwife, don't ever think you are being a nuisance

5 - regardless of what all the books / internet / friends / family tell you, trust your instincts as a mum and don't let any body get you down

6 - dignity goes out the window, but don't worry about that too much!!!

[KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn]

Exhaustion. That is all. Oh dear God!

[LJBanana]

Another one for the after pains. I don't remember them at all with the first 2 DC's. But my goodness with DC3 they were excruciating.
Also that you may thing your lochia has eased or stopped, but can come back if you've been doing too much, and too much can seem like not very much, and it's just your body telling you to slow down.
Also to stop and stand still every so often and breathe these kiddies in. They're only borrowed, soon they will become their own person and all the times your flying around trying to be superwoman don't matter, it goes so fast. Let them sleep on your chest, smell that amazing smell, get neck ache from extreme baby gazing. The tough bits are really bloody tough, but look at what you made. Bloody amazing!

[creamoftomato]

They're only borrowed, soon they will become their own person and all the times your flying around trying to be superwoman don't matter, it goes so fast.

Oh this just made me cry (and feel a bit more patient with this mornings cluster feeding...)

[ch1134]

As everyone is different I disagree with many and I WISH I'd known:

BIRTH - can be horrific, shocking, unbearable (I honestly thought no matter what I'd cope, and felt so let down that I just couldn't handle 24 hours of contractions with back-to-back baby. Don't even remember the actual birth bit, except that there was a lot of blood).

AFTER - the baby is wonderful, but flashbacks to the birth continue 4 months later and my body is still healing. I understand this is normal but WISH it were talked abut more as I feel very embarrassed and frustrated...

The baby is wonderful, and looking after him is a million times easier than going out to work!

[Thurlow]

If you have a cs and afterwards you start getting really bad stabbing pains in your left shoulder and arm, you are not having a heart attack, it is referred pain from the trapped gas after the surgery

[Greyhound]

How painful and difficult breastfeeding can be.

That you don't always feel any instinct about what to do.

That sleep deprivation (my baby was up all night most nights and barely slept for more than an hour) is absolutely hideous.

That you don't necessarily feel a rush of love for the baby and that it grows in time.

The fear - the fear of something happening to that tiny little scrap you made and which is more precious than anything else ever.

PND - horrible. I was very lucky to have fantastic health care because of previous mental illness.

I had a section under anaesthetic - I thought this would upset me (that I hadn't seen ds being born) but it didn't bother me. What DID bother me was the fact that, when my baby was shown to me (hours after being born) the SCBU nurses had dressed him in clothes from the SCBU wardrobe - I was confused and thought they might have brought me the wrong baby!

[FrankelandFilly]

I'd like to add breast abscesses into the mix. I developed mastitis when DD was about 5 weeks old, I was given antibiotics and tried to continue feeding through it but ended up expressing and then finally, at 8 weeks, giving up on breast feeding due to the pain and the sheer fact that I dreaded every feed as I knew it would descend into tears from both of us.

The swelling in my breast remained and 3 different GPs, 2 health visitors and a lactation consultant all told me it was the mastitis and would go down eventually. It didn't - at the weekend (DD 10 weeks old) a spot on the side of my breast burst open and an unholy amount of puss came out. I ended up in A&E and had to spend a night in hospital to have the abscess drained. I've got to go back again tomorrow to have it rechecked and probably redrained.

I just wish someone had told me about the possibility of an abscess then I wouldn't have put up with the swelling for so long.

[bonbonpixie]

That there needs to be a little bit of force behind winding a baby. Tiny little taps might not actually cut it. Especially if they have a bit of mucus to bring due to fast delivery/section.

[Squeakyheart]

I'll second bumpsadaisie on the whole body throwing up kind of pushing! I kept saying to DH it feels like my body is trying to push but didn't know I was in second stage till DD crowned as it didn't match what I had been told!

[passmethewineplease]

Bloody after pains, every time I bf or expressed it sodding killed. To the point of tears. Nobody told me that!

I also had the finger up the bum experience, she said it was pain relief, was rather embarrassed.

[smokeandfluff]

The birth
-how pain....I thought I had a high pain threshold until I was in labour
-the amount of fluid. ..blood/amniotic fluid flowing everywhere.
-the excitement when they tell you they can see the head.

After
-the terror when they wheel you down to the ward and leave you alone with the baby
-the next morning I forgot I had just given birth, got out of bed without a maternity pad and bled all over the floor.
-cluster feeding
-that the baby might scream every time you put it down and definitely won't sleep in the cot-the hours I spent trying when I should have just let ds sleep on my chest
-that I would fantasize about getting 3 hours sleep

Would love to do it all again though!

[2blessed]

Definitely the after birth pains which kicked in about 15hours after dc1 was born. No one had told me about this! I thought I was labouring all over again.

[NickyEds]

The birth;
-"You'll feel a little stinging and burning"-mw as DSs head crowned. Yes, just a bit.
-All dignity goes. All of it.
-I got a finger up the bum- "Let's assess the damage" the registrar said!!!!
-Never let go of the gas and air. Even when you think it's over.
-My drip hurt too crumpeteer!

After;
-Babies don't like to be put down-completely shocked OH and I.
-Breast feeding really hurts. And sometimes doesn't work properly when your baby has a tongue tie.
-For 3 weeks after I fully intended to be sterilised. 5 months later I want number 2.
-The crying. I cried a lot!!!

[TheABC]

Labour is for a day. Accept any help and any drugs given to get you through it. Clusterfeeding however, is the next four sodding months so ask for as much help as you need and practice whipping a nappy off in the dark.

Have a plan in place for when husband goes out to work, leaving you alone with the baby for the first time. Preferably one that involves a mother's group and lots of tea and biscuits.

Spend lots of time cuddling your baby and sniffing it's head. That newborn smell is heart melting.

Your body will be a mess. Don't wail (too much) when you still look pregnant and everything leaks. Give it 6 months to heal and another six months with moderate exercise to regain your shape. If you are breastfeeding a total boob monster, you may even drop a dress size.

I got 6 hours sleep last night for the first time since DS was born (10.5months). It does get better!

[Thurlow]

Sorry, I just had to at the comment labour is for a day

If you're lucky...

[MrsPatMustard]

That you may not get your much-desired epidural if there are no anaesthetists available on the day. (My hospital was stretched to capacity that night.) Had to manage on gas and air.

Oh and the hemorroids! I didn't realise you could actually get them appearing outside your bum! I thought they'd stitched me up wrong when I first discovered them