Things you wish you'd known about birth and beyond

[sambababy]

One week ago I became a mummy for the first time Since then I've been thinking about things that happened in the birth and beyond which I hadn't read about beforehand in my mountain of books (or had possibly forgotten).

I thought it might be helpful to some mums to be if we shared these things so here are mine.

Birth
The pushing stage. I didn't realise that the process for delivering the head involved many pushes where the head would go back in in between contractions. Apparently it's something to do with the immense pressure on the baby's head and is perfectly normal. I was getting impatient to get the head out!

Beyond
The dreaded 2nd night! It wouldn't have been dreadful at all if only we'd known not for a second to expect DD to sleep anywhere except on one of us. As it was, we were fooled by the night in hospital where she was understandably tired after the birth and slept in the cot. We spent the whole 1st night at home pulling our hair out wondering why she wouldn't sleep when we put her down.

(I'd like to add a disclaimer here saying this is only my experience, I'm sure it's different for everyone! hth)

[PicandMinx]

I'm a HCP - morbid curiosity.

[janey68]

... That even if you manage from 0-10 cm dilated on a bit of gas and air, and naively think you're home and dry, second stage is excruciating and you really do feel like your fanny is being blowtorched prior to being ripped in two. Oh and then the midwife takes the gas and air off you because apparently what was good for riding through the first stage contractions, might slow things down for second stage

[purplemurple1]

That it might not be as bad as people warn you it will be. I guess it's just luck of the draw, but wish I'd not worried beforehand.

Birth - waters went spontaneously and second stage was 3 pushes with a small tear I never had the boinging head, or ring of fire.

After - did shifts with OH so we both got about 5 to 6hrs sleep in 24hrs which is plenty of sleep as I was only working 2days a week. OH was working 7 days a week he found it tiring but ok.
Loads of spare time to watch telly, and easy to get out for a 30min walk as tiny babies are cute in anything.

So in conclusion it might not be too bad!

[deepinthewoods]

Yes- that teenagers are very expensive- that a mother feels more nervous about big exams at secondary school that their children are.

[369thegoosedrankwine]

BIRTH
That after your waters go it is like somebody has turned the dial to full power on contractions.

That a forceps delivery can involve a lot of force. (Memories of husband and midwife holding my shoulders whilst doc pulled).

That you might not know what hurts worse for a few days after the birth; your bits, your bum or your boobs.

That a c- section isn't half as bad as an assisted birth in some cases (see forceps comments above).

AFTER
That your baby just might not sleep that much during the night, no matter what bloody book you read or routine you want them to follow.

That due to sleep deprivation and hormones you might blame your dh for everything that is wrong with the world in the first few months. (Memories of glaring at dh sleeping soundly during the breast feeding night feeds then him proclaiming how tired he was the next day.......oh the rage)

YEARS LATER
(Step ds now 19) you will smile quietly to yourself at the memory of pured apple and hidden veg and trying to coax them to at least try broccoli, when they fall in from the student union bar at 1 am having drank god knows what with a kebab in hand....then head to mcdonalds the next day for a hangover cure.......

[imisssleepandwine]

"Memories of glaring at dh sleeping soundly during the breast feeding night feeds then him proclaiming how tired he was the next day.......oh the rage"

369 - totally agree with the above I was so angry and jealous of DH and his ability to sleep through everything and if he did happen to wake up he'd be back asleep in seconds...

I'm not sure if this happened everyone but I had really bad night sweats after DH was born, so bad I needed to sleep on a towel!

The lack of sleep felt so overwhelming at times I sat there and cried with utter exhaustion.

[sambababy]

I feel like I should jump in here in case my well-intentioned thread is scaring any first timers . I just wanted to emphasise how different it is for every woman and every birth. I didn't have a lot of the same experiences as some of the PPs. For example I haven't found breastfeeding too uncomfortable and I'm particularly grateful I didn't get a finger up my bum!

[Notfastjustfurious]

After 2 births and many stitches nobody but nobody has stuck their finger up my bum and for that I am truly grateful.

[squizita]

Samba 1st time mum to be here and I must admit the only bit no one ever warned me at all about was the finger up the bum! But it sounds like some get it and some don't. :)

[squizita]

...yes I do have mummy friends who like to scare me lol.

[Tea1Sugar]

How much you bleed post birth. Good God!

[Roxie85]

Birth: i agree that once my waters went contractions became immense and continuous which i wasnt expecting.
That contractions might not be regular but you could still be in labour.
Also how hard it is getting to your place of labour while actually in labour. I had spent the whole time remembering to only go to the centre when they were 5mins apart but my god i didnt think about being strapped to the front seat of a clio for 15 mins whilst dh drove and then waiting for the bloody lift to take us to the top floor!
That when the head came it felt like i was being ripped in half.

After: the bleeding (10 weeks of it), the sheer indescribable exhaustion and after a 3rd degree tear a few fingers up the bum to check i could squeeze.
And then the completely overwhelming love for the most perfect little baby.

But my god i will do it all again someday.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

My waters broke before my contractions started. I had 12 hours of intense painful contractions. I'm having an epidural next time!

[FrankelandFilly]

My DD (DC1) is 9 weeks old. Things I wished I'd known in advance:

Birth
That you might vomit, violently. I did the most spectacular projectile vomit over the side of the birthing pool when my waters broke (they didn't go till I was almost ready to push). Apparently I managed to hit the wall and nearly got DH's shoes

After
Just how hard breastfeeding can be. I struggled on for almost 8 weeks with cracked nipples, mastitis, a baby losing weight and me in tears at every feed towards the end. I just needed someone to say to me "You've done your best, it's ok to give formula". In the end that person was DH and we've not looked back ever since.

The Guilt - over everything

The sheer amount you will cry in the first few weeks, my god!

[Bumpsadaisie]

• Pushing stage - it might feel more like full-body throwing up rather than pushing out a poo. When you push out a poo you have conscious thought about it i.e. "Ok, let's push!" For me though the pushing was involuntary violent convulsions.
  

• Pushing - can be very quick. Once I got upright on the birthing stool, my second baby shot out in about 2 mins - the poor trainee midwife was still fumbling with her apron when the supervising midwife shouted "forget the apron and the gloves, catch that bloomin' baby!" as my son plummeted to the floor.
  

• Some babies do not want to be put down (my eldest, I don't think I put her down till she was about 6 weeks old).
  

• Some babies are quite happy to be put down (my second, lay contentedly in his cot from the off, while I spent the entire first night peering at him, wondering why he wasn't howling and if something was wrong with him ...idiot!)
  

• following on from that, mother the baby you have rather than the one they talk about in the books. Trying to force a non-putdownable baby to be put down is going to cause you both a LOT of stress that you can well do without.
  

• the newborn bit wasn't nearly so bad for me as I had expected. I was on a hormonal high for weeks after, I just went with DDs flow and followed her lead (which made life easier for both of us), I was delighted not to be PG anymore, and its lovely with one baby for the two of you to care for and dote on together. Enjoy it while you can - of course it is lovely when you have another baby too, but you will never again have that special time when there is only one little baby to care for and the two of you to do it. Second time round there is the eldest child's needs to manage too and the constant feeling that you are spread too thinly.
  

• your body will go pretty much back to normal but it takes a long time, I would say 18 mths or so (by which time many people are pregnant with no.2). My youngest is 2.5 now and I think its only in the last year or so that I have really felt totally over the pregnancy and birth, physiologically.

[cosmicnibbles]

Afterpains! No one talks about those. With dc1 very mild, dc2 my god, agony... Felt like contractions again each time I bf.

But, a tip - tens machine works really well to relieve pain, I wore mine constantly for 2 days after dc2's birth.

[CortanaFights]

The first pee after a vaginal birth.

Dear lord, I howled.

[VeryPunny]

That no matter how much preparation you do, no matter all the breathing exercises you do, sometimes bad things happen during labour and it is not your fault.

[WearYourPinkGloveBabe]

That once you're in hospital, you'll start to feel like a patient, which makes you feel like you've got an illness. You haven't, you're there for the best reason there is!

The night sweats are vile. Waking up utterly drenched then having to feed a baby while your wet nightie cools...urgh.

It doesn't matter how you feed them. Really, really, really.

Some days in the beginning, you'll feel on top of the world, clean the house top to bottom, take the baby for a walk and generally feel like a domestic goddess. By night time your stitches will be fucking killing you. Relax.

[BeginnersLuck]

Related to PicknMinx's bum

[BeginnersLuck]

I hate my phone!

What I meant was, related to PicknMinx's bum issue, I wish people realised you can get up-the-bum pain relief for afterwards! I had gas and air during but the next day lord knows what they put up there but it was great!

The other thing I wish I'd realised is how you really, really need to keep doing your pelvic floor exercises for ever after, not just during pregnancy!

[thereisnoeleventeen]

lord knows what they put up there but it was great

IME it was Voltarol, amazing stuff (...I have to add that I took the 'pass me the tablet and I'll do it myself, thanks' method).

[Mummycherry2]

Birth:

Follow your instincts, my birth went wrong because I was interfered with! But I found the first wee amazing- such a relief to be able to empty my bladder again and not just trickle!!

After:

Endless crying and exhaustion. Plus a handful of paranoia! Witch hazel in the freezer on a maternity pad to relieve swelling and bruising and arnica tablets plus voltarol. The first poo will be terrifying!

Have Muslins on hand at all times for leaky boobs and snacks next to bed for late night feeds as well as plenty of water. Don't feel pressured into letting people come to visit and if they do- they make the tea not you and don't let them stay when you want to sleep!!

[crumpeteer]

I was SO annoyed that even though I was fully occupied with major labour pains I still noticed the minor pains like putting a drip in and sore knees, I thought the minor pains would somehow fade out in comparison. I felt let down by my body :/