Things you wish you'd known about birth and beyond

[sambababy]

One week ago I became a mummy for the first time Since then I've been thinking about things that happened in the birth and beyond which I hadn't read about beforehand in my mountain of books (or had possibly forgotten).

I thought it might be helpful to some mums to be if we shared these things so here are mine.

Birth
The pushing stage. I didn't realise that the process for delivering the head involved many pushes where the head would go back in in between contractions. Apparently it's something to do with the immense pressure on the baby's head and is perfectly normal. I was getting impatient to get the head out!

Beyond
The dreaded 2nd night! It wouldn't have been dreadful at all if only we'd known not for a second to expect DD to sleep anywhere except on one of us. As it was, we were fooled by the night in hospital where she was understandably tired after the birth and slept in the cot. We spent the whole 1st night at home pulling our hair out wondering why she wouldn't sleep when we put her down.

(I'd like to add a disclaimer here saying this is only my experience, I'm sure it's different for everyone! hth)

[Becca1818]

Not sure I should have read this thread...scared!

[LizzieMint]

'mother the baby you have rather than the one they talk about in the books'

^this. This is such good advice. Once you have more than one, you realise quite how different they all can be and all those things that went smoothly first time around that you felt smug about? That wasn't down to you, that was the baby.

Birth - I can't say that I was particularly worried about it beforehand but it would have been nice to know that sometimes, it's just not that bad. I've had 3 births, 2 without any pain relief and honestly quite enjoyed the experience. Would take labour and birth over being pregnant again.

After - Didn't suffer too badly from afterpains but oh my god, the let-down pains I had with no2 were agonising! And didn't get any better (fed him for 10 months)

[redexpat]

That the process of snapping back, isnt as instantaneous as it sounds! It takes weeks!

Dont dont DONT look at your vulva with a mirror, unless you are fully prepared for what you may see. I screamed.

Babies dont know what their arms are, and keep jumping every time they realise they have them. If that baby is sleeping on you, you dont get much rest (but it is super cute to watch).

It's really one day out of your life (more if you're unlucky), so make sure you have read up on the first 3 months of parenthood, becasue after you've given birth, you wont get a chance.

I wish I had known to put nipple cream in my hospital bag. I wish I had known to cream my nipples from 37 weeks onwards.

Breastfeeding hurts.

[whatever187]

I am 38+2 with DC2 and can say I didn't experience a lot of these the first time round, so feel a bit better prepared (as I think its entirely more shocking to think you know what to expect when you couldn't be more wrong)

But from my first...

BIRTH
That it doesn't matter how worried you are about dignity (which kept me awake for weeks before I was due) You really don't care once you are in labour! I don't think I would have cared -or even noticed- if the entire population of the country was staring at the business end of things.

AFTER
That a shower is a good idea (I think I had too much g&a with my stitches as was completely oblivious to the midwives' logic and reasoning for me to have a shower, I even asked what she was implying as she led me to the bathroom)
That a shower does make it look like you have lost or are losing about a million litres of blood.
Finally that when you first look in a mirror, you may be shocked at what looks back at you. (I opened the bathroom door and scream3d for a midwife, convinced I had caught the plague as my face was covered in -what I thought were spots- red burst vessels from the pushing... don't worry, it dies down pretty quickly)

I can't wait for this all over again haha

[Saltedcaramel2014]

Main thing I wish I'd known is how little I'd care about changes to my body - each one makes me proud

[Saltedcaramel2014]

Oh and night sweats. Soaked through towel after towel. I still get them more mildly now, a year on, maybe because I'm still breastfeeding. They are weird.

[Saltedcaramel2014]

I wish I'd known how often to breastfeed and for how long, my DS was really dozy after being in distress and wasn't crying for milk at all, and I found BF v painful after EMCS. I thought I was doing it enough but my milk hadn't come on. His weight dropped and we ended up having to stay in over a week. On that note, pack loads of pants and spare clothes! Oh and after pains. That was a shock. God i feel sorry for anyone pregnant reading this thread...but knowledge is power

[CoteDAzur]

Yeah well, I learned my lesson and didn't push the next one out. He was going to be 4.3 kgs if we let him go to term.

[DuckSongRocks]

4kg cote good on ya for carrying little around never mind pushing em out! :)

[CoteDAzur]

I wish I knew:

• that vaginal birth of a 4 kg baby is hell and elective CS is preferable.
  
• that episiotomy is hell and can confine you to bed for weeks, weeping in agony and completely missing the first days of your baby
  
• that breastfeeding is really hard and painful in the beginning
  
• that "mother's love" that everyone raves about doesn't necessarily come immediately after birth
  
• that some babies just cry the entire time they are awake for no apparent reason

[BeginnerSAHM]

That first babies can arrive early and very quickly sometimes, like in films. (Hadn't even packed a bag and my baby's first outfit was a tiny hospital gown.) And that feeling extremely painfully constipated (so you think you are probably dying in the most undignified way possible) and shouting/screaming about it every 2 minutes probably means you are in advanced labour. Even if your tummy doesn't hurt.

[mrsleomcgary]

That you WILL ask if the baby is ok if it doesn't come out crying. I knew that baby not crying was perfectly normal and I still panicked when she had the smallest whimper and promptly went to sleep!

Just how hilarious gas and air is - I was killing myself laughing while getting stiches and wasn't happy when they told me to stop inhaling the stuff! It also meant I found the feeling of my waters exploding out of me breaking and drowning the midwife was the funniest thing ever

Take the up the bum pain killer, I was ready to ask for another one after a few days.

[babyfedleaning]

That a second degree tear was the most traumatic thing that would ever happen to me - made me feel like all my innards were going to come out when I tried to poo, completely altered my sex life and (sensation, stich position etc)

That an episiotomy second time round healed far better than a tear and I have no traumatic associations with it. Not sure it does for everyone though.

That iron tablets (prescribed after an episiotomy if required) make you incredibly consitpated and your poo jet black.

[DuckSongRocks]

That my tummy looked like a cone shape when I sort of did a sit up for about 48 hours after birth. I was a bit wtf but luckily didn't have split muscles and it was all fine.

I didn't know about jaundice and baby feeds much and panicked a bit. I left hospital too soon and wish I'd stayed for another day or two (my choice to leave) even if it was noisy and hot.

[squizita]

Hyper it is safe for most people to co-sleep but important to check first if you can! I for example have already (by a pro-co-sleeping adviser) been advised against it due to a sleep disorder (I move MUCH more than a normal person in my sleep).

[JaneParker]

That I would have two separate twin labours in one day (one baby born and home and one in hospital) and that we would have to start a second full labour for the second twin. I thought one twin came out and the other almost immediately. The boys were born 7 hours apart in different London boroughs.

[Aleksandra034]

The birth - that there would be so much blood! After my daughter was born and I got off the table to go to the loo, I looked at it and it was as if a person had been murdered and butchered on that table! I was quite shocked (and it was a normal birth, no extra bleeding).

The pushing urges - someone on this thread described it as 'whole body throwing up', it's funny that's exactly how I once described it to a friend! It's like when you have the violent convulsions to throw up but instead of out of your mouth it goes down through your tummy etc. It was bizarre and overwhelming, uncontrollable (I mention that because they told me NOT to push as I was not quite 10cm - as if I could stop it?)

Just how incredibly long, hard and exhausting the first labour can be (and still be completely normal)

Beyond: the love, the tears. And then how soon it became easy. I think it took me one month and then I felt fine with it all.

[hyperspacebug]

On plus, birth didn't hurt like hell. And I'm the biggest pain wimp you'd know (never had toothache, broken bones, appendicititis etc) - (I know it's different for everyone though)

[hyperspacebug]

I freaked out when I had blood gushing out of me while I scrambled to toilet. I had to call irritated night shift nurse and point to the whole blood mess on floor (like someone was stabbed and walked bleeding all the way) She said it's normal, with all blood pooling inside the womb.

No one ever told me that baby would refuse to be put down.

I should have been spared all sleep deprivation nightmare if someone told me it was ok to co-sleep safely! I was convinced I'd kill baby by co-sleeping.

[livingzuid]

In first part of labour now so haven't reached the happy end - but when your waters break, your waters break. I was gushing at home, in the hospital car park, again upstairs all over the floor of the room, and still now. It never ends.

And contractions hurt. And they are in your bum as well!

[MrsPatMustard]

That you may not get your much-desired epidural if there are no anaesthetists available on the day. (My hospital was stretched to capacity that night.) Had to manage on gas and air.

Oh and the hemorroids! I didn't realise you could actually get them appearing outside your bum! I thought they'd stitched me up wrong when I first discovered them

[Thurlow]

Sorry, I just had to at the comment labour is for a day

If you're lucky...

[TheABC]

Labour is for a day. Accept any help and any drugs given to get you through it. Clusterfeeding however, is the next four sodding months so ask for as much help as you need and practice whipping a nappy off in the dark.

Have a plan in place for when husband goes out to work, leaving you alone with the baby for the first time. Preferably one that involves a mother's group and lots of tea and biscuits.

Spend lots of time cuddling your baby and sniffing it's head. That newborn smell is heart melting.

Your body will be a mess. Don't wail (too much) when you still look pregnant and everything leaks. Give it 6 months to heal and another six months with moderate exercise to regain your shape. If you are breastfeeding a total boob monster, you may even drop a dress size.

I got 6 hours sleep last night for the first time since DS was born (10.5months). It does get better!

[NickyEds]

The birth;
-"You'll feel a little stinging and burning"-mw as DSs head crowned. Yes, just a bit.
-All dignity goes. All of it.
-I got a finger up the bum- "Let's assess the damage" the registrar said!!!!
-Never let go of the gas and air. Even when you think it's over.
-My drip hurt too crumpeteer!

After;
-Babies don't like to be put down-completely shocked OH and I.
-Breast feeding really hurts. And sometimes doesn't work properly when your baby has a tongue tie.
-For 3 weeks after I fully intended to be sterilised. 5 months later I want number 2.
-The crying. I cried a lot!!!

[2blessed]

Definitely the after birth pains which kicked in about 15hours after dc1 was born. No one had told me about this! I thought I was labouring all over again.