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Childbirth

If you had an 'easy' birth and recovery, how much help did you need afterwards?

85 replies

YouPutYourRightArmIn · 23/02/2014 06:33

I had an easy home birth and recovery felt straightforward and I felt normal ish physically after a couple of days (bled for about 10 days). I was just reading some of the "tips for a newborn" threads and everyone mentions about accepting help.

OP posts:

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YouPutYourRightArmIn · 23/02/2014 13:31

I guess I just took those things (demanding fussy baby with colic, bad napper, sleepless nights etc etc) to be part and parcel of having a baby regardless of how much of a shock to the system it was so they never felt like real problems. I'm fully aware that everyone has different thresholds for what is tolerable and I can see that many people have supportive family members but I felt like DH and I could tackle everything we needed to.

I sincerely can't imagine what any of our parents (mine are divorced and remarried so we've got 3 sets between us) could've actually done to help us get to grips with parenting. Those of you who felt able to lean on yours are lucky and I can see how nice that must've been - just feels a bit alien to me I guess.

OP posts:

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apermanentheadache · 23/02/2014 14:17

That's a shame for you that you've no-one to lean on. Your parents sound shit if they can't help at all or even extend the offer of some emotional support and warmth.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you are invincible though - the fall, if it comes at some point in the future, will be harder if you do so.

PS, it's got eff all to do with 'coping'. Sometimes life throws you a pile of shit that would try the patience of Gandhi. You seem entirely lacking in empathy to be honest.

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pumpkinsweetie · 23/02/2014 15:22

I think it's a shame when people see it as a race of who can cope best when we all wish for help but sometimes it isn't available to us.
Our first days and weeks with a new baby are precious, we will never get that time back. Work & housework should surely take a back seat, even if just for a couple of weeks.
I'm glad I let the housework slip & accepted the small help I did get as those weeks flew by and my baby is nearly 7 weeks already!

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atthestrokeoftwelve · 23/02/2014 15:27

pumpkin for some though it is a luxury to have housework take a back seat. If you have other children to care for and no support then you simply have to do it.

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pumpkinsweetie · 23/02/2014 15:55

I understand that The but if the choice is there I don't understand why some don't take it.
I would have loved someone to help me out.

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AnythingNotEverything · 23/02/2014 17:15

OP- reading your recent posts it sounds like you should've used a different thread title. You aren't interested in what help people "need", you're interested in the ways in which people we're genuinely helped.

This information is, I think is probably on the thread you were originally reading which prompted you to start this one.

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elliejjtiny · 25/02/2014 11:25

I had 3 straightforward births and a nightmare one. With DS1 I had PND and was very anxious so needed a lot of reassurance but not much help as such. With DS2 I had 2 under 2 and DS2 struggled to put on weight so I really could have done with someone taking DS1 to the park while I fed DS2. With DS3 the hardest thing was fitting feeds round the school run and getting 3 children fed, dressed and out of the house by 8:15am. With DS4 I had a C-section and DS4 was prem and in nicu so needed full time help for 8 weeks.

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minipie · 27/02/2014 12:18

OP you say that "everyone has different thresholds of what they find tolerable".

Just because someone is offered, and accepts, help doesn't mean they have a lower threshold for what they can tolerate. It just means they were lucky to have more helpful family and friends.

You're not sure what your parents could have done to help. Here's an example. You say your baby wouldn't nap. Mine was similar - would only sleep in arms, or in a moving pram. My mum came and held DD, or took her out for walks, so I could eat/shower/rest. So there's an obvious way your parents could have helped you. They just didn't.

In the first two weeks, while DH was still at home, I didn't need as much help from anyone else. However there were still one or two nights where DD had not slept at all and my DM came to help the following day so we could nap.

Of course we could have managed without this help. But why should we when it made our lives more bearable and less knackered?

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claudeekishi · 27/02/2014 12:32

Straightforward birth and recovery. Dh had 3 weeks of leave which was lovely. Things were hectic but also blurry and sweet for those first 3 weeks and he did most things around the house while I did the feeding. Family came to visit but didn't stay with us.

When dd was 3 weeks old, colic kicked in, DH went back to work and it got a looooot harder. Again, family came to visit fairly regularly; my mum often just hung around the house with me and made me sandwiches and cups of tea while I fed. I'm not great at asking for help but if I had asked, my family and friends would have done most anything for me. I'm lucky like that.

And I regret not saying 'yes' to more help, actually, when people offered. My mum would have gladly done our laundry and cleaned the house but for some reason I felt like I should be able to cope with all of that too. And I was able to cope and of course one just gets on with it. But it might have been a lot less stressful if I'd just said yes more.

Most people love to help when there's a new baby. Why not avail?

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Wickedgirl · 02/03/2014 21:59

No one will give a new mum a medal for "doing it all herself".

I have had 4 babies and have been blessed with easy babies after fairly straightforward births. It would have been lovely to have help but I don't have any family close by so had to manage by myself. I always offer to help my friends which babies as I know how hard it can be.