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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Should I say something to the parents who left their child with me for over 24 hours?

42 replies

MiserableOldGit · 30/06/2006 09:33

Basically, I agreed to have this girl (age 4) if her mum went into labour - the deal was that I would have her until this woman's mother had arrived (around a 3 hr drive apparently) and she would pick her up from me.

She was dropped off yesterday at 8am. I took her to pre-school and dropped my kids off at school. At 11am, I picked her up - no sign of granny yet but I thought traffic and all that. Come 3pm, no call from anyone, still no sign. At 5pm, the parents ring and say that she is still not in established labour and they haven't called the granny. I tell them that they need to call her now as the little girl thinks she is going with granny. They said they would.

7pm comes and goes and I put her to bed with the others. She's very upset and I try and put a good light on how exciting it is to sleepover but all she can say is 'where is granny'. I phone the hospital at 8pm (thinking there may have been some problem) - she's still only 3cm and they think granny will only get there at 10pm.

I say no matter what time she arrives, I think their girl isn't going to settle and granny can come here anytime she wants.

Roll forward - she was up every hour on the hour in tears and eventually got into bed with my dd for comfort. I tried everything but she couldn't understand why she had been left so long.

8am - I get a call, baby was born at 10.30pm last night but they thought that was too late to send granny or husband round here so they went home . I dropped her off at school and they are picking her up later.

I am very pissed off with them for her sake - just can't understand (as they are quite neurotic parents) why they kept changing their plans. I think it is largely because the dh has no backbone and cannot make decisions without his wife who he wouldn't bother because she was in labour.

Shall I keep my mouth shut and just leave it or should i mention to the dh that I thought they should have picked her up?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
willow2 · 30/06/2006 14:55

Talk about how to really xxxx up the little girl's relationship with her sibling - abandoned by her parents because of this other baby, how is a four year old supposed to take that? What absolute twats - not least for not having the manners to at least call you when the baby was born. Right, am going now before I get really angry.

LIZS · 30/06/2006 14:57

How sad for the little girl and what a pita for you having to be up all night. They could at least have rung to ask whether to come or not. Hope they bother to show some gratitude. Nice idea of Emmy Lou's re Big Sister pressie .

expatinscotland · 30/06/2006 14:58

Aw, it just makes me want to give that little girl a cuddle.

Being left is one of a child's WORST fears.

MrBacchus · 30/06/2006 15:03

If you're unhappy its best to say. You don't need to justify it really.

You'll feel much better for it, I think

FourJays · 30/06/2006 15:04

Awful! When ds2 was born I just wanted to go home asap and see ds1. I didn't want antone else to look after him!

shimmy21 · 30/06/2006 15:05

just pondering here - it could all be the grandma's fault. I mean once you are in the throws of labour if you assume that all the arrangements are going smoothly you don't necessarily stop to check that all is well.

They may have assumed grandma would pick up dd at whatever time. They may not have found out she didn't until the next morning. (delivery rooms and mobile phones don't mix). They may be mortified, furious with grandma and covering up by making excuses for her.

They still owe their dd and you the biggest apology of their lives though.

Mascaraohara · 30/06/2006 15:08

Poor little girl

all sounds a bit odd, agree there may be more too it.

Even if I thought it late at 10pm I'd still phone and say, we're on our way home shall we come and collect x, with complete gratitude that you had her for so long

MrsBigD · 30/06/2006 15:14

How very strange indeed. I would be mortified were I the parent.

DD was 3 years old when I had ds by scheduled c-section, and luckily my father had already come over. She was dropped at her childminder for the day (so somebody she knew well) and my dad picked her up so at least she got home. My c-section was delayed till the afternoon and even though dd was home with gramps dh did leave shortly after I got roled into recovery to make sure she wasn't without both parents, as she found it bad enough mama not being there over night.

So it's beyond me how they could do that to their little girl. I'd definitely bring it up especially as the little brave dear was so distraught!

MiserableOldGit · 30/06/2006 16:07

Right, well back from school run.

Granny and dad were there to pick her up (heart stopped a bit when I arrived and they weren't there yet!). Dad said thankyou very much. Granny managed to take me to one side (while dad was speaking to other people) and said how absolutely mortified she was that her son-in-law (the dad) hadn't called her till about 8.30pm.

She had no idea up to this point, that her daughter was in labour. She said it's a good 4 hour drive from where she is and when she arrived, the dad told her that they should go home because it was too late to come round and he was sure she must have settled in the end .

The little girl spoke to granny and said how she had cried waiting for her and the granny honestly had tears in her eyes. The dad said 'oh she didn't wake up again did she?' (i.e. after the time I had called them) and I said, yes, she was pretty much up most of the night - at which point, he looked a bit guilty and they walked off a different route home.

I think he will now get it in the ear from the gran and his wife ggrrr.

OP posts:
Mascaraohara · 30/06/2006 16:09

Sounds like you made your point very tactfully - well done!

shimmy21 · 30/06/2006 16:13

Clarifies what happened, doesn't it. It is all the fault of that useless pathetic excuse for a father. What the F~~~ was he thinking???
Poor kid, poor new baby having that dad, poor MIL having that SIL and poor dm having that dh and poor you having to cope with his incompetence.

Honestly, you ask men to do just one thing. Just one thing...

CarolinaMoose · 30/06/2006 16:33

what a total f*ckwit that bloke is .

Sounds like you did a fab job looking after that poor little girl though.

cupcakes · 30/06/2006 16:40

am glad that the granny appreciates the awfulness of this - and seems genuinely sorry for it.
I think you handled it very well.

hullabaloo · 30/06/2006 16:53

At least the Gran had the common sense to realise what had happened and i bet she will make sure her daughter knows. But can you believe he didn't apologise even after finding out she was up all night?

Pixiefish · 30/06/2006 16:59

I thinki you've handled it properly by mentioning it in front of the granny. I also commend EmmyLou's suggestion to get your point across

FourJays · 30/06/2006 17:08

Bet he went out for last orders!

beckybrastraps · 30/06/2006 17:09

Something tells me that granny will be putting the point across herself!

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