ALL women who have had c-sections.........

[3sections]

I know this topic rears its ugly head to often but, after my first son was born by emergency c-section 6 years ago i have had 2 more babies by elective c-sections, and i have always had this sometimes overwhelming sense of failure, i look at women that have succesfully given birth vaginally and i envy them for it, not just a vaginal birth but the opinions other people have of you, i have had some people comment that i might not feel as 'womanly' as women who have had vaginal births, as much as i hate them to say it i cant help feeling they are right i dont feel as womanly, am i on my own with this? sometimes it makes me long to have had a natural birth so much so that it brings me down, but obviously i have 3 very healthy happy kids and thats all that matters, i do take that into account but, out of all the other mums i know i am the only one who has had c-sections and i cant help but feel my births were very clinical as opposed to there natural ones, i feel let down by my own body

Oh 3sections I really feel for you. If it helps to know - I had an emergency section with ds1 and basically neither he nor I would be around now if I hadn't - and to me that is far more important than whether some silly witches of women think it's not womanly!! Just where do they get off. I'm so sorry that their ridiculous comments have made you feel like this.
FWIW for ds2 I had a VBAC, but in hindsight I should have had another section. The contractions disappeared, he had to be delivered by forceps, had a fractured clavicle due to the ferociousness of the delivery and didn't breathe for the first minute!! I can assure you, I know which I would choose again! It was awful, worrying, painful not to mention dangerous for ds2.
I'm afraid I can't offer any advice on how to deal with the emotions that you are feeling as I haven't experienced them.
I suppose I would just do as you're doing, focussing on the fact that you have three gorgeous children who prob. wouldn't be here had it not been for the sections. How about thinking about some witty retorts to these women so that next time (god forbid) that they make such comments you have a well prepared response. I find that just being able to reply in a reasoned, well informed way to these people stops them in their tracks - you show that you think what they are talking about is crap and they can go off and consider their own motives for making such ridiculous comments.

Hi 3sections...you are no less womanly cos you had sections.My first was a vaginal delivery[she died at 3 weeks],my 2nd was an emergency section..he is fine.I would definitely have a section next time,in fact i wanted one with ds but was told to see how it goes..then had to have emergency section!
I know what you mean when you say you feel your body has let you down..but really and truely it hasn't and you are no less of a woman.Soggie is right imo.and these women are rather shortsighted and stupid

I have had 2 sections and one "natural". I think very few people really think you are less womanly for having had c-sections. I think a few women who are obsessed about childbirth might think so, but these are normally baby-bores who will talk about nothing but pregnancy, birth and babies until the cows come home. Most people aren't that obsessed luckily. I sometimes post on childbirth threads here on MN, but I never ever discuss it in RL.

well i've had 2 c-sections and a bloody good job too - or else they might still be in there, as they showed no sign of coming out the usual way.

It's nver bothered me one bit - apart from my tummy overhang - certainly don't feel 'less womanly'

what a lot of cr@p

ignore them they're bonkers

I had an emergency C-section last year and I did at first feel disappointed and slightly traumatised by it, as I had planned an active natural birth. In retrospect, I had unrealistic expectations which set me up for my feelings of disappointment later. However, I have now come to terms with it, and what really helped me was an understanding of why the C-section had to happen.

In my case it was fibroids in my womb blocking the exit. The registrar said to me afterwards "There was no way you could ever give birth naturally", and I found this very comforting because it was a totally black and white situation: basically, I would have died without the C-section. Some women who have C-sections for failure to progress torture themselves for years thinking "If only I could have tried a bit harder", which must be a lot harder. 3sections, I wonder if you're in this category?

It also helped me greatly that I went through a horrific 23 hour labour before the section, which was like hell on earth. I was looking for windows to throw myself out of. So I have absolutely no wish to experience natural childbirth ever again! I might feel differently if I'd had an elective section with no labour.

3sections, it sounds as if you would really benefit from counselling, with a better counsellor than the one you had last time.

Thanku for the positives everyone you are right when you all say perhaps i should seek counselling (more counselling) i think my biggest problem is that i have never ever told anyone of how i feel, i havent even told dp, when people ask questions or make a comment i just tell them how it was - not an option for me as ds1 was very distressed, and i do say to people who do bring it up that succesful vaginal deliverys are a luxury (although im sure they dont feel it at the time!) and not a choice! I do know how very lucky i am to have 3 healthy kids who i love dearly, and truly its not that it haunts me all day every day, but just occasionally like my dp last night brought it up and straight away i feel, guilty, i suppose is one of the ways i could describe it, my last baby who is 8 months was born 2 weeks before her due date and i cant help but feel she had no warning of her birth, she may not have been ready to come out yet, babies that are born naturally 'know' they are coming, whereas elective section babies have no warning they are just pulled out, i suppose it makes me feel abit guilty to look at her and think i just let the Dr's go in and take her out before she was ready - i possible shouldnt annalise (sp?) it all so much, im not the manic depressive i sound - honest!

Tuttifrutti - i was slow to progress, and although they said many times i should consider a c-section at that point my baby wasnt in any distress and i was determined to carry on, all in all my labour lasted 50 hours and finally i had got to 10cm and i had spend an hour pushing before they decided he was very distressed and his heart rate was dropping too much so i had the emergency section, i think it was that i tried so hard and it went on for so long - for nothing! I was still overwhelmed when my ds was given to me and i love him dearly, but i guess it has stayed with me for some reason.

I also think you may be mixing with the wrong people...

Can you work out what it is that makes you feel less "womanly"? If you can narrow it down to what the underlying issue is for you then you may be able to tackle it more easily.

FWIW I think that by taking, as a mother, the first of many decisions where you put your DCs' health and wellbeing ahead of yours (whatever the tabloids say, I don't think many women like having six-inch incisions and doctors rummaging around in their insides, followed by weeks of recovering from abdominal surgery while coping with a newborn, just for the thrill of it) you showed yourself to be pretty darn womanly. And if anything I'd question the "womanly" instincts of any so-called friends who don't appreciate that (except I wouldn't, because I am Nice).

Your counsellor sounds pants, by the way. I don't think "most women" do feel this way perhaps at first, but not a long time after the event. And if it's causing you enough unhappiness to seek professional help then being told to just get over it isn't very helpful (or professional). I have a vague interest in what vaginal delivery would have been like, but I don't feel it reflects on me in any way that I didn't get to find out except that DS and I are both alive and in one piece, which I think is a Good Thing.

I felt pretty womanly when the surgeon said "nice fallopian tubes"

Cross-post, sorry.

I think the worst scenario is a long, tiring/painful labour and a c/s - that's why I opted for a trial of labour second time - but put a time limit on it (6 hrs) - negotiated with my obs. Still ended up with crash c/s

Please don't worry about your dd, 3sections - I don't think any baby "knows" they are coming out and it's probably a pretty big shock to them whichever way it happens.

I know what you mean about feeling a failure - I had a long labour with ds (52hrs to reach 9.5cm with his head still way too high) and I wasn't at all prepared for the idea of it ending in a c-section. Not the candles n' whale-music birth I'd been hoping for at all . It took the best part of a year to get over it, and I suppose I'm still clinging on to the hope that I'll have a vbac next time, although of course it shouldn't matter.

I think a lot of people really believe that caesareans are for people who are too posh to push - if they knew the reality, they'd realise how lucky they are to have had a straightforward birth.

bundle

my goodness - if someone said anything like that to me I would have landed one on them. All I wanted was my babies here - especially dd1 - if she had not been born when she was - very real danger that she would have died in utero. Dd2 - elective c-section was what was best for me.... may not be everyone's choice but it was my choice for very personal reasons and I feel no less a woman than someone who had all vaginal births.

I used to be amazed at how much time was spent on birthing at antenatal classes and so little on the next forever..... one day compared to the rest of their lives.

Next time someone comments I would just let it roll of your back - you made the best decision for you and your family - bugger the rest of them!! None of their business.