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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

shock after childbirth

69 replies

bez · 28/01/2004 16:59

as those of you have seen my birth announcement will know, my son was born after just an hour of labour.

As he was my first baby, I was expecting to be in labour for several hours. And the second stage was so quick I'm surprised I managed to catch him - he just shot out.

I am still reeling from the shock several days later and have only just realised how lucky we both were.

Altho its obviously too soon to say whether I would want any more children later on down the line, I am already thinking I better not as altho I feel quite proud of myself for delivering the baby by myself and at least it ensured I had a natural birth, its quite scary thinking what could have gone wrong and any subsequent births will probably be even quicker and might not be so straightforward.

Anyone else had such a quick labour or know of anyone who has? How long does it takke to get over the shock?

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Janstar · 04/02/2004 12:24

Bez, you are not being stupid. And you cannot just 'pull yourself together'. I am sure if it was that simple you would have done it by now.

Please go and see your doctor or HV and ask if they think you might have PND. If you do you will recover much more quickly if you nip it in the bud.

lucysmum, I know someone who had a normal labour with her first child, and a 5 minute one with her second, who was born on her bathroom floor. She went on to have a normal labour with her third, several hours in length.

motherinferior · 04/02/2004 12:32

Well said, JS!

tillymint · 04/02/2004 14:32

I agree with JS.
I suffered from PND after both births. The first time I tried to 'sort myself out' and I just prolonged the agony. This time my Dr put me straight on the prozac and I'm enjoying every minute of my 6mth old. And incidently expecting a third in Sept! At 41yr.
Please go to your Dr. and say how you feel. Then you can enjoy motherhood. (By the way I have been told that depression is more likely, the more intelligent you are) - makes me feel better about myself anyway!
Good Luck

suedonim · 04/02/2004 18:00

Bez, have you had a chance to properly 'debrief' about the birth? I know when I had my first, quite difficult, labour I felt compelled to tell anyone who'd listen all about it(!) until it was kind of out of my system. I wonder if that would help you come to terms with it and resolve any issues? I'm not sure who you would speak to but you could try calling NCT on 0870 444 8707. It may help you sort out whether it's still shock or whether it's PND. Take care.

aloha · 04/02/2004 19:57

Are you getting flashbacks? It could be post traumatic stress disorder. Do go and see your doctor.

bluebear · 04/02/2004 20:23

Bez - I had a traumatic second birth and had flashbacks for the first few weeks afterwards - both my HV and GP were concerned and told me to talk about the birth as much as possible (Although I choose not to tell anyone who hasn't already had a successful birth), and offered counselling - I have PND (and had it after my first baby too), and having early treatment is so much better than trying to struggle on.
Please speak to your GP or Health Visitor. BB

Original poster
bez · 22/02/2004 11:53

Hi, havent been able to post for ages as been too busy.

Still feeling the same, I know I should just be glad babys here but Im so diappointed everything was so quick. I feel ashamed of myself for moaning so much about it when other women have really terrible expereinces but I hate it when people say im lucky that it was so quick .

I was pleased myself at the time, I waited so long I thought I deserved a short birth or after a long pregnancy but it was so quick I cant remember anything about it and am so diapponited I didnt have anyone to share the exoperince with as that would have been more exciting. IAt least I dont feel in shock anymore, but the diapponitment is spoiling my enjoymnent of my new baby.

please tell me to pull myself together and just be thankful I have a healthy baby

OP posts:
motherinferior · 22/02/2004 11:55

Darling bez, I'm NOT going to tell you to pull yourself together and count your blessings. This sounds horrible, and worth taking seriously. Please go and see your GP. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

secur · 24/02/2004 12:46

Message withdrawn

Original poster
bez · 15/03/2004 16:38

still havent seen anyone about the possible PND, as I am sure it is just caused by my disappointment about the birth. am trying to concentrate on enjoying my son, which is quite easy now as he's wonderful.

feeling better about everything but health visitor has just been talking to me about the birth and asked if I have got any contraception sorted out yet as I should never get pregnant again! she said it would be very dangerous to have another with no chance of anyone getting there to be with me in time. mears, if you are there, is this rubbish?

OP posts:
twiglett · 15/03/2004 18:23

message withdrawn

aloha · 15/03/2004 19:13

Don't let this silly woman frighten you. Of course you can have more children if you want. I second the advice to talk to the NCT. They may be able to put you in touch with other women who had an experience like yours and who lives nearby and would be happy to meet you. If not, it's still a lifeline to have other local mums to hang out with. I owe a huge part of my local social circle to the NCT and will be eternally grateful.

Ghosty · 15/03/2004 19:38

Dear Bez
I had a traumatic birth experience with my son that led to PND ... or so I thought. I actually now think that I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which gave me the same symptoms as pnd. When I got pregnant with dd my midwife put me in touch with TABS (Trauma And Birth Stress) . They really helped me come to terms with what happened to me when DS was born and helped me prepare for the birth of my daughter ... which was, I might add, a really positive experience ... You never know, there might be something on the website of use to you ...
Hugs to you
Ghosty xxx

pupuce · 15/03/2004 20:03

Bez - can I suggest you call Birth Crisis (Sheila Kitzinger's group)- they are EXCELLENT! I ahve heard many very positive feedback from women who rang them.
Here is the page you need
Best of luck

suzywong · 15/03/2004 20:05

Pupuce is right, they are very ver helpful and help you feel empowered rather than passive, give them a call if you get chance

Ghosty · 15/03/2004 22:44

Forgot to mention that Sheila Kitzinger is mentioned in the TABS website as a contributor or sponsor or something ... Pupuce ... we are obviously in the same direction there

Gem13 · 16/03/2004 18:57

Bez - not much time to read through but please do try to talk to someone about how you feel.

I've just had my second by elective c-section and had a fantastic experience. Feel good in myself and good with DD. Had a horrible first birth (long second stage, trip in ammbulance, bad tear, hour in theatre...) and it's only now (enjoying DD) that I realise what a hard time I had afterwards. I loved DS dearly (straight away) and looked after him well but I was in shock at the way I had felt during labour. I had some miserable times and I think it was more like post traumatic stress disorder than PND. I still get upset thinking about his birth and those first few months and it's sad that I don't look back on it more positively because I have a great son.

Please try to get help from someone ASAP and then you can get on and enjoy your lovely boy.

Good luck.

Just seen Ghosty's message - will give them a call myself.

mears · 16/03/2004 19:07

Yes that was rubbish Bez. You certainly need to discuss what happened and you have got good advice here. Scaremongering about future babies is not necessary at the moment. The only reason you need contraception advice is to prevent pregnancy too soon after birth. Remember it is possible to get pregnant pretty quickly after having a baby if you resume sex. Ofcourse you can have another baby (ormore) when you are ready.

Original poster
bez · 17/03/2004 13:41

had a look at these websites pupuce and ghosty, I realsie know i have been very lucky and feel guilty for making such a fuss about the birth I had as it was so quick and easy even though it was scary and shocking.

one thing really annoying me at the moment is that I was told yesterday I shouldnt have screamed because a quick birth doesn't hurt! I feel like a total wuss for making such a noise now.

I had been talking to someone who was a midwife and she said she has never known a woman having a quick birth to scream as it doesnt hurt at all. What do you think about that mears

OP posts:
luckymum · 17/03/2004 18:57

Bez...I had a quick birth with dd, less than an hour and a half from start to finish (including 10 mins when they didn't want me to push whilst obs bloke strolled upstairs. Anyway I screamed my head off because believe me it hurt like hell (and she was my third but was a hefty 10lb). I was terribly shocked after both physically (shaking and sweating) and mentally mainly I think because it all felt completely out of my control. It took me a good few weeks to really get to grips with it all and I would still say now that of the three labours that one was the worst. I much preferred the 15 hours I had with ds1.

pupuce · 17/03/2004 19:05

UTTER UTTER rubbish...... Pie had a quick birth (2nd stage was 2 pushes and 1stage was quite short too) and she shouted the place down during her 2nd stage. (the little story is that the MW left me with her and said, press the button when you need help.... well I didn't need to because she shouted so loud they ran in.... baby was coming so fast).
Sorry Bez - what is traumatic to you might not be to someone else. Please do NOT feel that because others don't understand why you would have been shocked that you weren't. And there is no small enough trauma that it isn't worth a call to Birth Crisis. I have spoken to Sheila Kitzinger and Dr Heather Allan about this in the past..... they are both lovely and at the end of the day you need to get some sort of closure and work through your pain - PLEASE ring them.

lou33 · 17/03/2004 19:20

She's talking baloney. My labours have been between 2hrs 20 mins and just 22 mins, and all were extremely painful. I certainly wasn't quiet!Surely dilating so quickly has to be more painful?

emmatmg · 18/03/2004 07:20

WHAT!!!!!!!
My 2nd and 3rd labours were fast and although not as hard work as the 1st (which was long) still bloody well hurt.
The pains were very VERY bad much faster and DS2 especially left me dazed and shocked for days.
With DS3 the MW said I had hours to go (more than 8 she suggested) as my cervix was 'posterior'(sp?), whatever that meant and she went home. Little did she know that within 2 hours she'd be running through our frontdoor to catch him as he shot out. Maybe the MW who said that to you is the same one who said this to me.

Original poster
bez · 27/03/2004 16:41

Havent had a chance to log on for a long time, been really busy.

Mears, I am now wondering if th health visitor was right. At first I thought I was risk having this baby unassisted and thought this would put me off having another, then thought everything was fine so I didnt need to panic, but have just been thinking. Having another may be dangerous if there was a problem.

Although I would hate a hospital birth am wondering what would happen if there was some complication discovered in pregnancy that meant hospital may be safer, eg breech (which they thought this one was until I had a scan late on). If I had to have a hospital birth. would I get there on time? Would I have to go and be induced to prevent me going into labour at home and delivering unassisted again.

Probably daft too worry so soon as wouldnt be trying for another for a long time yet anyway but just wondering.

Also Mears, as a midwife, have you ever thought that having a quick birth meant you didnt feel pain? Am still feeling a total wimpy prat for screaming at something a midwife has said couldnt possibly be painful!

OP posts:
mears · 27/03/2004 17:44

Do you know Bez. I think we forget that babies can be born all by themselves quite happily! I am not suggesting that women should give birth alone (some women do plan that) but babies that arrive on their own are usually absolutely fine.

The screaming bit is also a lot of rubbish. Screaming can be a natural coping method for pain that actually helps the birth process - it is a natural thing to do. Quick labour does not equate with less pain.

I was at a fabulous waterbirth the other day and the woman screamed away. When she didn't scream the baby did not advance. When she screamed she pushed much better.

Your body is capable of birthing a baby - it can do it again. No two labours are ever the same and you cannot really plan for it. I think you need to be able to talk through these issues with someone with knowledge. Do you have a NCT group near you? You may get a lot of support there which seems to be lacking from the HV and MW.