Labour pain is like...

[MadAboutQuavers]

A plea for unbridled honesty from all you MN mums...

I'm due to give birth to first DC in 6 weeks' time. Like a lot of mums-to-be, the prospect of enduring labour pain very soon is scaring the blardy hell out of me, and like all first-time mums-to-be, the fear of the "unknown" is doubling it.

Obviously, I know that labour is not going to be "ooh, now that's a bit uncomfy" in terms of how painful it is . I am, if all goes to plan (ahem!), hoping to have several remedies to help me cope with the pain (TENS, epidural, etc.), but I wondered if any mums can put into words what the pain ACTUALLY feels like?

I know everyone has their own different experience, but is there anything you could say that could describe the pain to someone who has no clue?

Not that I'm expecting this to prepare me or anything....

[littleElif]

somebody said to me that giving birth feels like "shitting a stone" and I have to say that this was by far the most accurate description I have had prior to giving birth!

[Lynli]

The best thing about contractions is they are not constant. A contraction will start and get stronger and stronger, and more painful, you have to deal with this pain until the contraction dies away again.

You need to breathe through it, I found concentrating on my toes and not the where I felt the pain, helped.

I loved gas and air, use it as little as possible, hold it between your teeth and as the contraction gets stronger wait until you cannot cope with the pain and breathe it in quickly, it will make you float away for the worst bit of the pain. Stop the gas and air as soon as you are able to. The less you use it the less likely you are to be sick.

Each contraction gets you closer. There will probably come a time when you feel you cannot cope, but it usually means you are nearly there, and it will be all over soon.

[DoingOK]

lost in wales, that made me laugh, thanx. Quaver lady dont worry, i was the same as you, terrified so much i left it a long time before having a baby. I now have two ds's, the first induced 15 days late, 9lb 4oz. he got distressed and i had a section!! The second elective section, baby breech. Thank god, cos the pain of induced labour was relentless, no relief, pain rolled over from one contraction to the next for 6 hours. Just go with an open mind, take advice at the time, gas and air was fab for me but the general anesthetic was best!!! baby 2 was 8lb 12 and 1 week early, he had turned in the night so the next day i was given the choice to wait for nature, i declined!! Recovery from a section for me was better than the extreme period pain like contractions because i was in control of it, but i never had the progression of natural labour. It doesnt matter what plan, events of the day will take over, my hospital and staff we're busy but fantastic. They have done it many times, trust them. You'll forget the pain and have a beautiful baby to stare at for hours on end. good luck and let us know what happens please.

[gingerkirsty]

:( showofhands stop blaming yourself! You have had counselling to stop blaming yourself for how the labour went, but you are still blaming yourself for not having a 'rush of love' or a 'high' at the end. NOT YOUR FAULT. Yours sounds like a hellish delivery, I know how awful a 2 day labour can be, and mine was nothing like as bad as yours. Give yourself a break.

[tinylion]

ummm...for me, it was like a constant bad bad cramp pain in my back, and when my baby got "stuck" I was in so much pain I couldn't raise my eyes from the floor. It was so painful I was covered in sheen of sweat and I made involuntary "eurghhhhhhhhhh" noises and tried to push out like I was doing a poo. The pain was pretty indescribable on the way to the RVI hospital in a bumpy ambulance but the relief when the epidural went in (I was 10 cms and had been pushing with no avail for 3 hours) was amazing. But I paralysed all the muscles in my bum and for 3 days after I couldn't even fart as they wouldn't work! It just had to sort of slip out! TMI?!?

Up to 10cms pretty copabable with - like a very bad period pain that came in waves in my back...but with NO break in between - my contractions were on top of each other. I found that hard.

But hey, I did it! And my little man is currently kicking about on the floor with a toy in his mouth

[misschord]

Funny how everyone is so different! I was determined to have an epidural but after having contractions every 5 mins for 2 days was still only 3cm dilated (too early for an epidural) then 2 hours later when they next checked was 9cm (too late!)
One thing's for sure, it will not go to plan! However, if you are thinking about having an epidural I would strongly recommend that you ring up the maternity ward at the hospital and talk to a midwife about it. I found that the community midwives did everything possible to try to persuade me to have a natural birth and made me feel like having an epidural would be a huge drama. Once I spoke to a midwife who was totally used to epidurals I felt a lot more confident in my decision.
Actual experience was like very bad period pains followed by trying to poo something very big, although I never got the urge to push, I had to make myself do it. Fun! But I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Good luck!

[BaggedandTagged]

I gave birth last Friday- 20hr labour and vaginal delivery with gas and air, full on epidural with 3 top ups and a small episiotomy. Bore no resembalcne to my birth plan whatsover BUT I'm still happy with the decisions made by Obs/ MWs and the outcome (my beautiful, healthy son and very limited fanjo damage)- swelling totally gone in 3 days.

There were 2 surprises for me

1. "referred pain"- the actual uterine contractions would have been bearable but the pain in my hips/ top of my legs really wasnt, hence the epidural- the gas and air was doing nothing, but I know many people who found it totally adequate. Also, I had my waters broken at 5cm so that would have been a factor in intensifying the contractions.
   

1. The physicality of the pushing stage- I was pushing for 2 hrs and it is pretty exhausting because in each contraction you are holding your breath for 3x 10 secs as you "bear down" which is official terminology for doing what feels like pushing the baby out of your bum- there is nothing vaginal about it at all.
   

My advice would be that you know how much pain you're in so do what's best for you- don't let anyone make you feel inadequate for wanting an epidural.

[Fredfred]

'it is not a continuous wall of pain as there is no pain in between contractions'

I think that this depends completely upon your labour. I had continuous pain from start to finish, no breaks in between, but that may have had something to do with the fact that my DD was back to back. Luckily I had a fairly short labour 8-9 hours. But I ended up with lots of intervention and I cannot even begin to describe the pain and exhaustion I felt, but then I guess mine was not a straightforward 'normal' birth.

My advice would be to plan for a straightforward 'normal' birth as much as you can, but to be prepared for it not to go according to plan.

[lullabybaby]

My DC are teens so it's been a while. But I certainly agree that labour is not as painful as a dental abscess which pain relief doesn't touch. Dental pain can last longer than labour, believe me :(

Yes labour is painful for many of us and why health practitioners seem to shilly shally around the fact is beyond me. But maybe you'll be one of the lucky women for whom it is a breeze!

For what it's worth, I found 1st stage OK and had a tens machine, but the much spoken of "desire to push" just didn't happen for me and I found the 2nd stage harder as a result. My tip is to scream, I discovered I could push much better when I screamed as loudly as possible. Labour is no time to be shy! Afterwards I felt on top of the world :)

Best wishes for a easy birth and a healthy baby.

[passionberry]

This thread has made me very scared of dental abscess!!

[violethill]

I know what you mean passionberry!! But it's a very individual thing. I've had a dental abscess which was very painful, but still didn't come anywhere near the pain of giving birth.

And when comparing births, it's interesting how different women find different parts the worst, eg I found dilating to 10 cm quite ok (well, not ok, it hurt masses, but I could cope) but pushing the baby out was a thousand agonies. Other women find the first stage worse, and pushing comes as a relief. It always amazes me when women having a natural birth describe feeling only pressure,rather than pain, as the baby emerges, because I felt as though my fango was on fire and being torn in two! Some women say they don't even feel themselves tear (I don't mean they don't feel it due to having pain relief, but they just don't actually physiologically feel the pain as it happens).

[Faaamily]

For me it was like being kicked by a horse in the lower back and and abdomen, and I only got to 2cm dilated!

Sorry!

[MimiSas]

Contractions: although you have a massive bump, the pain will only be there where your uterus normally is, way down below. Have no experience with back/leg pain but the frontal pain doesn't involve the whole bump. It's like extreme menstrual cramps (and if like me you never had menstrual cramps before, imagine it like diarrhoea cramps but at the front).

Transition phase: for me this was like a 15 minute non stop contraction. Extreme pain and that's when I wanted to walk away from it all (I had no pain meds but this phase should mostly be covered by an epidural so if you go down that route you should be ok!).

Pushing: yes, like pooing a melon out. Really, it just feels like you need to do a hundred poos at once. The type of pain is different, the urgency increases, your emotions change, it's kind of scary yet less painful and incredibly empowering - the cave woman feeling!

Crowning: yes that's nasty, the stinging. But at that point you should just tell yourself you're nearly there.

And the pain will be GONE as soon as the baby is out.

Good luck!

[littleoldme]

I had a really long and painful pre labour with ds. I was prepared for the pain but not the tiredness - that's what killed me. After three days of it I had am emcs so can't really comment further than that.

[Claz1001]

For me it was like Braxton Hicks that increased in intensity over the next couple of hours. After that had a c-section so can't comment on the actual pushing out!

Hope all goes well, good luck.

[Naomi7]

Its wonderful. I'd say the experience is a bit like the stomach cramps you get when you have diahorrea, perhaps a bit more intense.
Google hypno birthing as the big part of preparing is being in control, relaxed and ready - this makes the whole experience much more enjoyable. If you are scared and tense up you will not help your boy to have your baby. I know they'll be loads of scoffers to this post but I have had 2 7lb babies with water births and no other pain relief - never thought to ask for any as didn't feel the need. I had a 5 hour and 2 hour labour and I think it was because I had prepared. You wouldn't run a marathon without training and preparing. (BTW birth is less painful than doing a marathon)

[RedApple11]

It will depend on what position your baby is in during labour and then birth. My daughter was back to back during labour and spent 31 turning herself before being born.

The 31 hour labour started off fairly bearable. Because of the length of the labour, the drugs are sparce as the midwives didn't want to slow it down any further.

Around 7 hours of the labour were sheer agony, like someone was stabbing me in the back. The pain was along my spine and I couldn't lie down or have any pressure on my back.

For the last few hours, I was allowed the epidural and that was superb. I can't tell you my midwife's name, but my anaethetist was called Shrutti!

As my daughter was born in a 'good' position, so no tears, and I had the epidural, the birth itself was pain free and the recovery was fast.

For what it's worth, even the long labour was soon forgotton. All I needed to see was my gorgeous daughter's face. All worth it and I'm doing it again.

My only advice to you is don't spend too long worrying about it. It will largely be beyond your control and it will only be a day and then it's all done. And every birth is different. Best of luck

[anyabanya]

It really is different for everyone, and some people apparently feel very little pain.

I thought I knew what pain was like, as two decades ago I was in abad accident and in hospital for nearly a year. But, it was nothing on labour pain. But, my cousin breezed through, and said afterwards in genuine bewilderment that she did not understand what the fuss was about, it hurt very little.

I had an epidural and I highly recommend them. I got mine after 16 hours, I think, and life looked up immeasurably.

[gaelicsheep]

DS - like nothing on earth. Sheer, brutal, continuous agony for hours - sorry!

DD - regular very bad period pains, until the last two or three contractions which felt the same as the whole of my first labour.

Every labour is so different. If you find it hellish it's not because you have a low pain threshold, it's because you had a much worse labour than a friend who popped out the baby with little more than a whimper.

I really hope it goes well for you, but remember there are pain relief options if you really can't cope. I was all ready to ask for an epidural second time around, fully expecting hours of the same, but before I could ask I was pushing the baby out!

[gaelicsheep]

Now to be more practical, as I'm sure others have said, breathing is the key but this is only possible if the contractions have the capacity to be manageable in the first place. Breathe really deeply in and out and don't tense up against the contraction if you can at all help it. I found sitting on the toilet seat leaning forwards very helpful indeed, whilst swaying side to side. When you get gas and air, again I'm sure I'm repeating, make sure you breathe it in right at the beginning.

Incidentally with gas and air, if you don't feel your head swimming, or indeed anything, then it's very probable it's not working right. FGS say so (if you can). I didn't, then second time around I realised what I'd been missing!

[MadAboutQuavers]

Wow.

Mumsnet ladies rock!

I've just been reading all your stories, advice and suggestions on what worked for you, and what didn't. Some of you have obviously had horrifically difficult births (please don't be so hard on yourself ShowofHands), and some seem to have had more straightforward births - but all of your posts are truly inspirational. I feel privileged (in a slightly warped kind of way ) to be female, and facing the prospect of being the one who will bring my boy into the world



I've been and at your honest and comic responses (horsey noises, raspberries, umbrella-up-the-arse and clubbing on Pethidine, etc.!), and want to thank everyone for contributing

Motto for the next five-and-a-half-weeks-or-so: "Feel the fear... and do your best to enjoy it anyway!"

Thanks again everyone

[nbyet]

As someone who has not had a baby yet, but can't wait to do so, I often find myself wondering about what childbirth is like. My question would be, and I suppose this is a difficult one to answer, but I wonder whether painful experiences you have had before giving birth have any effect on how painful you find childbirth? Eg I sometimes get VERY bad menstrual pains, I wonder whether this would prepare me in any way at all for contractions? And I once had a hemorrhoidectomy. Having a poo afterwards was AGONY. Again, I wonder if this will have an impact on how painful I find childbirth to be (if I am lucky enough to experience it).

Perhaps it's wishful thinking....

[gaelicsheep]

I dunno. After having the most agonising of times giving birth to DS I was still scared of the anti-D injection afterwards and still found it hurt like hell. I think your pain threshold tends to stay the same regardless of what pain you've endured in the past. On the other hand, if you've experienced agonising pain before and you're lucky enough to have a straightforward labour, you might find much of it isn't as bad as you expect. With my DD I didn't realise I was in proper labour until very late on - hence getting to hospital with only minutes to spare!

[SoLongAsItsHealthy]

I really don't know how anyone can describe it. My DS is 7 months and already I cannot remember what it was like. I knew in the days afterwards that it had been sufficiently painful, distressing and frightening that I didn't ever want to go through it again. I made DH promise I could go privately and have a c-section next time. I recounted it in technicolour to anyone who would listen. I remember all these things. Yet I don't remember what it felt like and couldn't describe the pain to you at all accurately (although the tummy ache you get before a bout of diarrhea seems familiar). Those who have said it's partly the relentlessness of it hour after hour that gets you are right - mine was two days and I couldn't think straight by the end of it. But my baby had turned back-to-back which drags things out somewhat and my waters had broken completely so thing were pretty intense from the start. It's not usually like this.

I do remember the sheer joy of the epidural at the 28 hour mark. That was the most ecstatic feeling I have ever had in my life. Pure bliss. next time I would have it far, far sooner.

You see? There I am already saying "next time". I know it's a mind trick and I know that if there is a next time it will all come flooding back but, for now, I am dangerously close to thinking "It wasn't that bad really, was it?" And that scares me. because I do know it was not good...

On a brighter note - the last THREE births I know about were really good, positive experiences for the women involved. They all said it was far less traumatic than they had feared and one even said she found it "totally manageable". They are normal women, having average-sized babies, not super-fit or meditating hippies(!) just normal women who've been lucky enough to have good birthing experiences.

You might be one of them - I hope so. Good luck