Moving House - are kids traumatised by it?

[SilverDoublet]

We are planning to move house for more space, but stay in the same area and same schools. The house we've seen is closer to everything, bigger garden and all the kids would have their own bedroom, currently sharing. They all liked it when we viewed it, which is rare. The kids are aged 5 - 11. I'm now suddenly terrified the move is going to traumatise them, leaving behind our lovely house, which is all they've ever known and all their childhood memories. I think it's triggered by a move my family did when I was 11. I became really quiet and introverted for years after and only came out of my shell in late teens... Im terrified I'll do the same to my eldest who is very similar temperament to me..
Please let me know about any experiences positive or negative regarding this. Am I just being crazy?

I think, gently and with a lot of understanding, you are being crazy, but it's a good protective kind of crazy.

Are there any valid correlations between the move in your own childhood versus the move you're undertaking now that could cause issues for your children? A bigger house but in the same area, same schools, sounds pretty perfect to me. It is a little bite-sized adventure for you as a family, and to go from sharing a room to having a room entirely to oneself is SUCH a rush at any age, but especially as a child.

From my perspective, my parents uprooted us so much it started to look like they were doing it for fun. I can't remember any of my childhood friends because we moved so often. We moved at inappropriate times, too - for example, they waited til my sibling (the 'smart' one) completed her GCSEs and then moved us 200 miles away to live in my grandmother's house, after she'd just died. I was about to start Year 10! Thanks Mum and Dad.

I'm about to move with my children to another town about an hour away. New house, new schools, new friends. They are within a similar age bracket as yours. It is a well-considered move that we've agonised over for a couple of years. It still worries me that I'm going to traumatise them. All I can do is show up for them, take it seriously, know that they matter and try to make the road ahead a safe, exciting adventure.

We moved house when I was 10 to a new area and new school. I really liked it and became more confident after the move.

Kindly, you’re being unreasonable. Moving house is completely normal- most kids do it at some point and manage fine. Talk to your children about it, the reasons, pros and cons etc.

I think building it up as some huge trauma is more likely to affect your kids than the move is. It’s not that big a deal.

I think it probably depends on a lot of factors. My father was in the military and we moved a lot when I was a child, both in the UK and abroad. I wouldn't say it traumatised me but equally I threw some horrendous tantrums at points over it.

Where possible I think involving them in the decisions they can be involved in, things like bedroom decor etc is important. However if they won't have to change schools/friendship groups, I wouldn't expect any negative reactions.

When you moved at 11 OP, did you get to stay at the same school with the same friends? I think having to start again socially is far more problematic than just carrying on from a new house/new bedroom.

I think a healthy balance between making them know the plans in advance, being positive about it, saying you will miss the old house but looks forward to the new one and just getting on with it without making into a massive thing is the way forward.

The use of the word trauma is a bit much. It's not war, violence, death of a parent or sibling, abuse, bullying etc. it's moving house a few roads away.

To be blunt, yes you’re being crazy. There is absolutely nothing to indicate any kind of negative impact on your children from this move, they’re not even changing schools.

We moved but stayed in the same area 2 years ago, the kids were 4 and 9. Like you they had lived in one house from birth until that point and were also sharing a room. They stayed at the same school and we're actually closer to it now so they can walk to and from every day as well as being closer to friends. Plus it was a bigger garden and it backs on to a small meadow with a playground and then open countryside
The sole upset we had was from our son who wanted to have carpet downstairs as he didn't like the cold wooden floors. He got over that very quickly as he now longer shares a room, he's got a big shared playroom and most excitingly for him we have a downstairs loo meaning playing out requires less fuss if he needs a wee!

I moved four times between the ages of 3 and 7 plus spent several months living with either my grandmother or my auntie and cousins. This was due to my dad leaving so while the circumstances were traumatic I actually didn't feel distressed by the move apart from the 6 months that there were 3 adults, 4 kids plus 3 dogs and 2 cats in a four bedroom house which was just incredibly loud all the time and hard for someone who needs a bit of solitary time

We're 2 adults and 4 kids and cat in a 3 bed house. Sounds nearly the same as the move you were distressed by, but this is our normal...

I hope not! My kids are 11 and have lived in 4 different houses. They always see moving as an adventure and something to get excited about. The latest move was to a much nicer house which we will now stay in, so they were definitely happy about that! Just focus on the positives, which sounds like it will be easy given they will have their own bedrooms and a bigger garden.

Thanks for the reassurance. That's rough, moving into someone's house when they've just died!! Yes the move we made when I was 11 was to a completely different house, but same school. We had been living with my elderly grandad my entire childhood, in a rural location, no friends nearby to play with and commuting by car 30 mins to school every day. They moved us to a house 7 mins walk from school and stopped parenting us, let us go anywhere we wanted, while my 90 year old grandad who had basically raised us was left on his own in his isolated house ('to die', as my rather dramatic imagination put it, which happened within 3 years.)
They had a newborn baby a few months later.
Myself and my brother got bullied by the local more streetwise kids, we were like clueless bumpkins to them, I'm sure, and became afraid to go down to the shops. We got 'stoned' by some kids in our front garden (throwing pebbles).
There was endless rows between my parents after the move, probably about leaving the grandad on his own, random babysitters, my mum got sick and had several operations and next thing I was doing the weekly shopping for the family and getting it delivered. I became really shortsighted but no one took me to the optician, so fell behind in school
So I guess maybe in my head I've attributed it all to the move... But hoping it wouldn't be like that for my kids!!

As you say, all we can do is show up for them and take it seriously and try to make it an adventure...

In my experience they are usually excited and love it, it's mums who attach a lot of emotions to the old house. They can't wait to get their bedrooms and settle in.

Gosh @SilverDoublet that's horrendous! I'm not surprised that left its mark.

As mine were younger than yours, they were both in lower primary and they already had their own rooms. When we moved they slept the first night together in Ds1's room and the next day I decorated Ds2's bedroom in a day in the exact same colours, stickers etc from the last house. A week later I bunked them in Ds2's room whilst we did Ds1's room. That way the rooms felt like theirs right from the start.

It did mean leaving Ds2's bedroom as empty as we could on move day, we just used the dining room and lounge for overflow. Same with Ds1's, as empty as possible to make decorating fast and easy.

In my experience kids love moving house. I think it's the cat who'll have the biggest problem with it, especially if it's just round the corner.