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12-year-old DD has completely stopped talking

36 replies

ChiefCakeTestertoMaryBerry · 26/04/2025 07:37

Has anyone had a child who has completely stopped talking?

Over the last couple of years, my daughter (12) was always reluctant to talk to adults, even ones she had known for a while. She would say it was too scary to even say "hello" if someone said hello to her, which led me to wonder about low-profile selective mutism. However, she always talked very freely at home and with her friends. She is autistic (diagnosed in Year 6).

For about the last 6 weeks, however, she hasn't talked at all at home (to me, her dad, or older brother). She does actually make quite a bit of noise - it's just that she doesn't talk. Sometimes she says half of a word (e.g. "juh" for "jumper'). She did manage to talk (as in to read out the letters) at a recent opticians' appointment. She says that she can't, rather than won't, talk.

DD started Year 7 in September and really does not like school. She hates the environment (too loud and crowded) though she is doing OK academically. Homework is a battle. I am told she does talk a little bit at school to her teachers if she absolutely has to. She is getting quite a bit of support from school and has a key worker, ELSA sessions, and a timeout card. The keyworker has asked teachers not to call on her in class. One morning she flat out refused to go in until about 9:30am, during the time when she was not talking at home, she did speak to the attendance officer.

Has anyone experienced similar? We are trying not to put pressure on her to talk but it is very difficult and frustrating. I don't know if it's a control thing, as in she feels the one thing she can control is not speaking. I am also worried that she can't go on like this or things are just going to get harder and she will become increasingly socially isolated.

OP posts:
Becs258 · 06/05/2025 08:37

When my eldest hit autistic burnout, they were fully mute for several months, and it happened again for shorter periods after that. This was around aged 14. After hitting rock bottom, they passed all GCSEs and A levels with top marks and are now travelling solo around NZ

ChiefCakeTestertoMaryBerry · 11/05/2025 08:01

@Becs258I’m sorry your DC went through that but good to hear how they are doing now.

OP posts:
Bournecrazy · 12/01/2026 22:43

Hi, how is your DD now? i know this is an old thread now but i came across it as my 12 year old is exactly the same. started off as selective mute (talk at home but not at school) then when school started back in Sept went completely non verbal. I thought a holiday to her favorite place would help her relax enough to start talking but it never did, neither did taking her to a concert to see her favorite band. SALT are no help at all

Onceuponatimethen · 13/01/2026 09:16

@Bournecrazy have you tried a private SALT?

TheGoddessFrigg · 13/01/2026 09:25

I dont think 12 is an unusual age for selective mutism developing into pervasive mutism- as it coincides perfectly with starting secondary school. We know how traumatic this can be for ND children

Does your child have a diagnosis? Does she have an EHCP? Has she been referred to CAMHS? School can assist with all of this

ChiefCakeTestertoMaryBerry · 21/01/2026 18:21

DD is now 13 and still not talking to anyone, apart from the first syllable of a word sometimes. Lots of social anxiety as well, but she is lucky to have a small group of very patient and supportive friends. She sees a CAHMS nurse every couple of weeks and we’ve applied for an EHCP. She’s on a reduced timetable at school which is helping a bit.

OP posts:
ChiefCakeTestertoMaryBerry · 21/01/2026 18:24

Sorry to hear you are experiencing similar @bournecrazy.It feels very isolating as I don’t know anyone in this position in real life.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 24/01/2026 18:23

I have no advice but wanted to send solidarity. My daughter also has situational mutism - not as intense as not talking at all, but she doesn’t talk to people she doesn’t know and can’t ask questions for initiate a conversation. She does talk in places she knows everyone but when her anxiety ramps up that gets harder for her too. I talk for her plenty but my husband finds it really frustrating and isn’t always supportive of my making things easier for her which is frustrating for me too.

Proseccoismyfriend · 06/02/2026 18:47

Just joining if that’s ok. My child is possibly going to get a diagnosis of anxiety but within the last 7 weeks has just about stopped talking to anyone anywhere. Will speak to teachers if spoken to directly but that’s it. Always been a great communicator and has excellent social skills, it’s so distressing to see these changes. Camhs feel it’s due to overwhelm and I’m terrified I’ll never hear his lovely voice again

Cornishclio · 06/02/2026 19:04

Is she suffering from Autistic burnout? I have to say it doesn’t sound like the right environment for her. Her anxiety about school has presumably traumatised her and led to mutism. I would be looking at an EHCP and maybe taking her out of school.

TheeNotoriousPIG · 06/02/2026 19:44

Hello.

I don't have a child who stopped talking, but I did (apart from to certain family members) when I was at school. At the time, I thought it was because I was being horrendously bullied, so I just wanted to be as invisible as possible. Over time, it got to the point where the anxiety was so suffocating that my chest was too tight, and if called out in class, I had panic attacks that had me running out of the room.

It won't be her trying to control the situation by not speaking. It's her anxiety/autism that is controlling her. It is hard, and- at least in my case- it did impact on my social skills. It can be just as frustrating for her as it is for you when she can't speak. Please don't pressure her to talk, or allow others to. It's not her fault.

School is not suitable for everyone. Secondary schools are often too big, too busy and too loud in comparison to primary schools. They can be very intimidating, overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. My grandmother declared that sending me to school was like sending a lamb to slaughter, if that gives you any ideas.

After secondary school, I deliberately went to a much smaller sixth form, where I didn't know anyone. I was surprised to have friends, rather than being bullied, and started to speak more openly to different people. Nowadays, I don't shut up! I do go quiet when I'm anxious, and I do feel drained after dealing with people for long periods of time, but it can get better, especially if she ends up in an environment that is more suited to her. Also, thank you for supporting her and being her spokesperson for school-related matters. It's a big help when you can't do it yourself!

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