Getting cat for ND teen

[jen337]

Dd 14 is ND and often comes home emotionally fatigued and drained from masking which leads to anxious, stressy and immature behaviour at home, a well as retreating to her own space. She has recently been taken with the idea of getting a cat and persistently asking for several weeks. I’m not really into pets in general and ordinarily would say no but am considering it if I can be convinced it would benefit dd. I’m thinking that interacting with the cat, playing with it, stroking it, would have a calming influence in her, like a therapy animal of sorts. Training and caring for it might give her a sense of responsibility. The concern its dd would not cope with the responsibility of looking after the cat, she’s not the best for chores and routine, and this would then fall to me. Dh is very much a dog person, and dislikes cats (I won’t have a dog as we don’t have the time to properly look after one). He would probably go along with it for dds sake but wouldn’t actively get involved.
Has anybody had a similar experience, did you get a cat and how did it go? I’ve thoroughly investigated the ins and outs of cat ownership, costs, needs, care, etc. so understand what’s involved from that side of things, more interested to know about experiences/views of cats for emotional regulation for ND teens.

I have an autistic DD and anxious DS and we have cats. DH and I have always had at least one cat so it didn't seem a stretch to get a "therapy" cat, and both DCs were very aware of cats personalities and how they may not be cuddly. We rescued a pair of kittens last summer, and they have been lovely. They are both independent and will take off for a bit, but come back several times a day squeaking and wanting cuddles. They take it in turns to sit on DD when she is in bed - she gets overwhelmed and retreats to bed rather than having meltdowns.

There have been tricky moments - I was not impressed when the girl kitten lost her litter tray and was trying to wee in the sugar bowl, but they have also been really positive.

I think you also need to think about what will happen if she goes to uni or moves out, a cat can live 14 years so there would still be a lot of years after she reaches 18.
If you decide to get one i'd get an older one from a rescue rather than a kitten.

My child has Autism and ADHD. I thought a pet (cat or dog) might be therapeutic quite a few years ago but it was a while before it was a practical idea. I'd had cats before so was more confident about them plus the amount of care needed was more realistic.

I probably spent a year or more researching trying to figure out which breed would be best. I'd had rescue cats before but as this was a therapy animal I wanted to be sure of a good temperamental fit with my child and not take on an animal like one of my much loved rescue cats, who had had a traumatic start and health problems.

Amongst others I looked into Ragdoll, Ragamuffin and British Shorthair breeds and we got a lovely British Shorthair kitten from a lovely registered breeder who clearly adores her cats and is very insistent about making sure they will be properly looked after in their new families.

The kitten was really well litter trained when he first came home which surprised me, he's hardly ever had an 'accident'. We were told he needed to be an indoor cat so we have quite a big Catio which he loves.

The cat is now nearly 3 and is a friendly furry presence and comfort. It's a manageable amount of effort and the reward is a very much happier child. It really has made a huge difference.

So I would recommend it, for the reasons you gave, but would suggest that just as you'd expect a guide dog to have the right temperament and skills it's reasonable to research the right animal. The costs of a cat from a breeder rather than rescue, a good sized catio (ours is big enough to sit in with the cat) vet bills etc are the costs of the therapeutic value.

My child is very much like this and it's very helpful to hear your experience.

Not to derail but are you completely against breeding? May I ask why? I have rescued before but for a therapy cat chose a good breeder.

You have to be prepared to look after the cat yourself op but generally I think cats are great for people with neurodiversity. Make sure you can afford the costs of vets bills/pet insurance,etc. They're really high now. I'd not get a kitten. Maybe adopt a 1-2 year old cat which will be calmer.

Pets can be amazing for nd people( depending on the pet personality and the person personality!) and can help that child regulate and learn to manage difficult emotions…..we have a cat which provides a lot of support for my adhd teen, my sibling has a dog for their autistic children. However , OP@jen337 I would NOT get a pet in your situation as it’s a bad idea if neither you nor your husband love cats yourself. Can I suggest www.borrowmydoggy.com? For a small annual fee which covers insurance you can get to know and walk a local dogs, even have them over in the day or to stay if that’s what the owners are after….it’s a perfect compromise for families that love dogs but can’t own one .

https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/?utm_feeditemid=&utm_device=c&utm_term=borrowmydoggy&utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=UK+-+Search+-+Brand+-+CORE&campaignid=17804043497&devicetype=c&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqpzI7JaDiAMVIZJQBh1EKTxuEAAYASAAEgIFkfD_BwE&creativeid=611347411849&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADr7yOz124Z1pmcox4Te7o46NAnAe

Thanks for all the replies they’ve been so helpful. Plenty to think about in the coming months. I’m interested that there’s been suggestions to both in favour and against both kittens and adult cats in terms of behaviour, training, scratching and existing bad habits etc. so that’s something I need to research.
Also, and I don’t mean this as criticism of anyone who’s posted here at all because every single post has been helpful, but the suggestions of alternative animals is what I did when the question initially came up. But Dd asked for a cat, personally rats sound interesting to me and I’m sure dh would go for the dog borrowing but that wouldn’t be what dd wants and perhaps would jeopardise the benefit we’re aiming for. On the other hand I can see the other view that maybe as parents we should be taking charge in the decision. Anyway at this stage it’s either a cat or nothing, though there’s a year for her to change her mind!

Yes, against breeding of animals and humans. There are plenty already who aren't getting their needs met and I can't understand bringing more lives into the world instead of helping the ones that exist now. I think it's especially painful to witness as an autistic person who really struggles with life, that people prioritise non-existent beings rather than making sure those around them are looked after.

Just a reminder, "ND" is not a diagnosis. It's pretty unclear what people mean when they use it as it covers a myriad of different conditions.

Thank you for clarifying your reasoning.

I'm sorry you struggle with life. My husband and child have both been diagnosed with autism and also struggle with things. Both find great comfort in having a cat in the family.