My 8 year old is hoarding rubbish from the street

[HarrysMummy17]

Over the last few weeks I've noticed my 8 year old ds had started hoarding rubbish.
It was labels from new clothes etc, I emptied a plastic tub from a shell in gus room that had dead leaves, sticks, old burst balloons, string, random bits of dirty plastic, food wrappers. I then found his coat pockets crammed full of dead leaves, twigs, plastic, paper, anything he sees laying about.
I've just emptied the pocket of his school bag, full of leaves, paper, food wrappers, bits of plastic, a napkin screwed up with god knows what inside!

I've spoken to him about picking up rubbish, that's it's dirty etc but I'm not sure what else to do? Any advice?

Isn’t this just what kids do?
Mine the same age brings me bits of attractive foil from the school waste paper box, and presents them very proudly. I’m always thrilled, I think it’s thoughtful. The filter on our washing machine is always clogged with stray treasures from pockets, broken plastic toys, sticks, acorns etc.

Reduced timetables should only ever be a temporary measure and should have a goal in sight.
This refers to Herts but I’m sure all LAs have similar. Find the one that relates to your LA and ask the school to fill in the paperwork so that you know your child is known to the SEND department.
[[https://www.hertfordshire.gov.uk/microsites/local-offer/media-library/documents/not-currently-linked-to-on-lo/senco-guidance-part-time-timetables-for-pupils-with-send.pdf{{

www.hertfordshire.gov.uk/microsites/local-offer/media-library/documents/not-currently-linked-to-on-lo/senco-guidance-part-time-timetables-for-pupils-with-send.pdf

Sorry wrong thread!

I did this as a child. My dad died suddenly when I was 1 and I had awful attachment issues. I used to feel 'sorry' for the stuff I collected, like I didn't want it to go in the bin and not be safe..I can't quite describe it but it was sort of about trying to keep everything safe and it was comforting to me to have inanimate objects that couldn't leave me. Could your child be worrying about something or feeling anxious?

I think collecting random things like this isn't so much the problem but becoming upset and distressed if they're taken away could be.

One of mine who was later diagnosed with ASD did this - his school blazer had loads of pockets so there was one for bark, one for twigs, one for stones. Pine cones were more difficult to store! He still has a collection of (cleaned) special sweet wrappers, and train tickets. I managed to get rid of the pringles tub collection a whole ago.

Gosh, mine both do/did this and I never thought anything of it.

One collected pencil led pieces in a tub for about 5 years. He was sad when we were tidying his room (he was 14!) And I asked him if he wanted to keep it. He admitted that he didn't, but he bloody well enjoyed collecting them. I put them on the side, ready for the bin and his younger brother claimed them as his! Yep, we still have them.

Every half term, when I wash the littlest Ds's coat, we have forensically examine the contents of his pockets. It goes a bit like this: now, is it time to say goodbye to this little collection? Erm, well, the rock is special, the twig is too. The postman's elastic band, nope, that can go. The conker and the acorn, I can't decide.

Rinse and repeat every 6 weeks!

My 8 yr old does this. He is NT although his older brother has autism. In his case, he 'feels sorry' for things that have been thrown away and worries about them being sad and lonely. His underwear drawer is full of bits of string/labels/old slippers/forks he found abandoned in the canteen.

One of his earliest memories is being at nursery and one staff member taking a tissue from him and throwing it away. He was inconsolable, and cried every day before nursery after that!

@chirpychirp this was exactly how I felt!

My dc's both do this confused I thought most kids did. It's fun, right? Pick up bits and bobs, twigs, shiny wrappers, isn't it children exploring?

Mine too! Never considered it could be a problem. Dd has a collection of feathers, insists on keeping bits of rubbish incase she ever makes things out of it, twigs, stones, etc. I do find it an annoying habit.

This used to be what most boys did in the freer ,less managed times of yore. Think William from the Just William books.

My youngest also did it, stones and twigs seemed to be his favourite, he had a 'pet' stick on one holiday which had to travel back with us along with his other treasures. Have to say he's a grown up nurse now but still seems to come home with all sorts of things in his pockets but at least I've got him trained to empty them himself before putting in the laundry tub...... His bedside table where his hoard sits, now that's another matter🙈

To those saying it's just kids exploring, of course it can be that. But the OP has said her child displays other behaviour suggestive of ADHD. I had to fill in a very comprehensive form when my DS was being placed on a waiting list for ASD assessment. One of the questions was along the lines of whether he had ever collected anything unusual. There were lots of questions which, on their own, would not flag up anything unusual, but combined with other traits, might lead to a diagnosis of ADHD or ASD. Or even OCD or anxiety.

Do you mind me asking if there was anything that helped with these feelings? My son's dad died by suicide when he was 4 and he says exactly the same things. He obsessively picks things up and seems to 'feel' all the feelings of every single thing- living or otherwise.
I have a history of OCD-esque anxiety, have ADHD and believe I'm also autistic so it's hard to unravel whether it could be one or more of these or the impact of trauma and attachment problems 😞

@Treesinthewind I think partly I grew out of it and it was also an OCD type behaviour, in that I felt panicked and would become upset if I couldn't get hold of whatever I had identified that I had to keep safe. I have suffered hugely from OCD type thinking and obsessing my whole life but it took me years to identify it as this. My mum did nothing to help me as a child despite my obvious issues and just used to shout at me re the rubbish thing. I think acknowledging your son has difficulties as a result of his dad's death, both to him and to yourself, would help him, I'm sure you already do. I find the rubbish collecting painfully embarrassing to talk about and would struggle to tell anyone IRL . I would seek professional help for your son, I wish my mum had as not having that has really fucked up my life.

Both mine are ND. The eldest is/was a real magpie. He always had a stash of something. Favourite stick, favourite rock, special stones etc
Anything of mine that he took a shine to would end up in his bedroom. Wooden kitchen utensils was a thing for a while. He once charged me 50p for the opening of his spoon museum (collection included: wooden spoon, tea spoon, slotted spoon, salad server, plastic ladel…)
It was all harmless enough and he’s largely grown out of it, but he’s still a bit of a magpie

I'm so sorry you've gone through so much pain because of it and that you weren't given the support and validation you deserved. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me.

I've had phases of obsessive reassurance-seeking around health anxiety and it's absolute hell.
My son is seeing a play therapist and I'm trying to get an assessment to see if this is 'just' trauma or something else. He has awful separation anxiety which makes getting into school difficult. We talk really openly about mental health so he knows that he's not alone in feeling like he has to do certain things, and I try to work with him rather than shame him for it. It's so hard to see him getting so distressed though. Even if I don't try to stop him, it's impossible for him to pick up every single leaf he sees ☹️

This sounds exactly like something my 6 year old would do! 😂

Hi, my 6 year old son has been doing this for a while. He has got slightly better but at one point could not throw anything away. He was diagnosed with severe anxiety & separation disorder and has lots of autistic/adhd traits.
we found by ignoring what he was collecting and “keeping” the items he started doing it less. X

@Treesinthewind thank you. I also have awful health anxiety and obsessive reassurance seeking, its really tough. Its a similar pattern to the rubbish collecting really, you try to shut down one worry and feel ok then it pops up again and you realise you can never know for certain that you don't have something physically wrong with you which induces totally panic and feelings of being overwhelmed, its the same as realising you can't pick up every stone on the beach and take them home with you. My mum is a hugely anxious person so for me this could be a contributing factor but I also suspect I am neurodiverse. Its very hard when you've experienced childhood trauma to identify whether its that causing the behaviour or if you'd have been like that regardless.

Do you mind me asking what therapy/treatment has been recommended? My son has play therapy but not sure if I should be looking for more.

I know of two friends whose children did this and they both now have ASD diagnoses.