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Child mental health

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Original poster

Daughter refusing to start senor school and now to wash

51 replies

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 21:54

11 daughter has been refusing to try senor school I have took all her things away so she has nothing to do but now she's gone to even more extreme by refusing to look after herself with bathing cleaning her teeth and pinging out on junk food in secret help

OP posts:

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 08/10/2017 23:22

The not washing makes me think she could be trying to keep people at a distance. What has she been doing through the summer holidays and could something have happened that has upset her?

Original poster

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 23:29

She doesn't wear pyjamas she slepts in her under garment's I know the things you can and cannot do with your child because I work in a school myself her old primary school. My husband has tried to drag her out of bed but that resulted to neighbours complaining plus we can't drag an 11year old out in her undergarments

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SpaceDinosaur · 08/10/2017 23:31

Silly question possibly but have you asked her why?

What's her reason?

Original poster

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 23:32

Near the end of the summer we went away all that upset her was the fact she would have to attend school when the holidays was over

OP posts:

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 08/10/2017 23:32

Sounds like fear which has built up over summer into anxiety and then maybe lead to depression? Or purely the anxiety and it’s so built up that she is trying to do anything to get out of school.

Original poster

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 23:33

Yes and all I got was she didn't like the fact she had to go into different classes and have different teachers

OP posts:

Original poster

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 23:36

Yes I think the same not sure if it's a bit of what's been going on with her sister at her school not the same school. Her sister has expressed bullying she's in her last year so going to do her exams and leave to go to college

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FaithAgain · 08/10/2017 23:37

I feel for you HELP. What a nightmare situation.

Picking up what a previous poster asked - does she usually struggle with change? You say you work at her old school, do you think she's scared about being at school without you?

Original poster

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 23:38

My oldest has not been a problem with going to school just her sister just wondering if it could be an hormonal thing as well

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Original poster

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 23:41

She didn't see a lot of me at her old school because I work lunch times and a cleaner so was on her own most of the time

OP posts:

MerryInthechelseahotel · 08/10/2017 23:44

Goldmandra your posts are spot on.

Original poster

HELP654 · 08/10/2017 23:44

She never had a problem with change before her old school turned alot bigger well she was there because it become one school use to be a infant and primary school separate now it's both together

OP posts:

Poppyfields21 · 08/10/2017 23:52

I dont have any advice but didn’t want to read and run. I hope you’re able to get some support on how to get your daughter back to school, this must be very distressing for you. You sound like a lovely mum and clearly care so much

permatiredmum · 08/10/2017 23:55

It is too difficult to understand your messages. Can you use fullstops?
FFS!

permatiredmum · 08/10/2017 23:58

I am guessing there is a lot of background? most families don't have support workers and social workers you don't have to say why if you don't want to, but does that have any bearing on the problem at hand? The poor girl sounds very anxious, I am not sure that the professional advice you have had is good

ommmward · 09/10/2017 00:12

Might be worth making contact with your local community of home educators. You and her dad and other people in your community are going to be able to give her a better education thanks she's getting by lying depressed in bed. Or ask your social worker type people about accessing local authority funding for tutoring at home since she is unable to access the education at school at this point. Good luck! Look after her - she's so vulnerable!

Original poster

HELP654 · 09/10/2017 05:59

We can't tutor her as well both work we can't afford a tutor plus the educational needs of home school is not enough been told all this by alot of people until she's tried school she can't say she doesn't like it. We have been told we are doing the right things it's just a slow process and a hard process but she needs to try school she's intiled to a free education.

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WisestIsShe · 09/10/2017 06:36

Excellent advice from Goldmandra

isthistoonosy · 09/10/2017 06:41

Could she go and sit with her form tutor for the whole day working on things from different subjects?
It would help her get used to the school without having to fend for herself in the crowds between lessons.
I'd also see if you can go in at the weekend or after school hours for a look around when it is quite.

Hope you manage to work it out.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 09/10/2017 06:50

Is there any chance of appealing to a different school where she has friends and might be happier? Children do still move at this time in yr 7 as some waiting lists still shuffle around. Is it just this school or is it any school?

Original poster

HELP654 · 09/10/2017 06:54

She doesn't want to attend any school plus her friends school is to far and in possible to get into

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ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 09/10/2017 07:52

goldmandra is the one to listen too here.

My friend was a home tutor at the special education team at the council and she taught alot of school refusers. There is more help out there, I'd push for a CAMHS referal.

Sounds awful for you all

Original poster

HELP654 · 09/10/2017 08:10

Dr have already said she needs to attend school before she can be referred to home school and that's a long process plus home school doesn't cover the important stuff in English and maths. She's a smart girl and could go far if she tried I think that's the most upsetting thing about it we have to just keep fighting

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Jigglyball · 09/10/2017 09:10

It could be a mental health issue. Aged 11 upon starting secondary, I went in for 1 term and then refused to go back. I developed severe anxiety and my mother was absolutely horrible resorting to severe psychological abuse to try and force me to go in. Psychologists, people from the school etc. all tried to get me to go in...nothing worked. I stayed in my room, I was very much like your daughter sounds. The more I felt bullied, the more I retreated into myself.

Eventually I developed an eating disorder, and it was only with gentle encouragement, that I was able to get back into mainstream education aged 15. I was eventually diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, although it wasn’t a recognised disorder at the time.

Tread carefully, and try to get her as much psychological help as possible. Just try to be as supportive as you can, may I add that if you are cooperating with external agencies, the likelihood of you going to prison is close to zero.

Original poster

HELP654 · 09/10/2017 09:43

I'm not worried about the prison or fines at the moment we have been told we are doing the right things and it shouldn't result to that even offering her computer back if she washed didn't work she hasn't even probably tried the school out to know if she likes it or not I'm just wondering if it could be a hormonal problem or something more it's hard to see I just want her to get the best she can.

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