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Child mental health

DS wants anti D's but DH very against

37 replies

itwillbebetter · 08/06/2015 20:13

DS15 has been suffering for the last year with anxiety and now depression. He has self harmed and had suicidal thoughts, although these were fleeting. He has been seen by an adolescent psychiatrist (we went privately through the priory) and referred for CBT. He has had 3 sessions and feels he is getting nowhere. I know that we are in this for the long haul but he is sure that this is not the thing for him.

He is very intelligent and researches everything. When he is able to speak about his feelings he is very eloquent and able to objectively describe how he is feeling and acting. When he is low or anxious though he cannot communicate at all. Most of his anxiety is social and academic. He is a real high flyer and puts immense pressure on himself. He explains that he feels like his brain is in hyper mode, he over thinks every situation and over analyses everything. He is constantly worried about friendships and finds it exhausting because he monitors everything he and his friends say or do. He says all he wants to do is switch his brain off for a while because he cannot deal with it whirling so fast.
He has lost all passion for any of his previous hobbies. He looks tired and has lost his appetite. I can see that his eyes look 'flat'. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life and I recognise that he is teetering on the big black hole of despair.

He wants to take anti d's. He knows of the side effects but maintains the possible side effects would be better than living the half life that he has at the moment. He is starting to miss a lot of school, jeopardizing all the hard work that he has previously done. He used to have plans, he so wanted to do a degree and was really driven, now he can't be bothered.

I would agree to him trying anti d's, albeit we have to first get them prescribed. DH, who has never suffered with MH problems though, is adamant that they are the slippery slope to addiction, that he will turn to them if ever his life gets tough and need them as a crutch. He maintains we should explore every other option first.

Ds admits that he now wants the quick fix. And selfishly so do I. I am exhausted with worry. It is always me that is called into school to pick him up, or talk him out of the toilets when he is having a melt down. He has very publically had meltdowns in the school playground and everyone is aware of his self harming. I am ashamed to admit that I am both humiliated and feel guilty.
We have another younger DS who struggles with a life long condition and it means that I have very little sleep, I am up every couple of hours through the night and often in hospital with him. As a family we are under so much stress I think we are all at breaking point. I also suffer from fibromyalgia, my pain is constant and not under control. I am scared that my selfishness in wanting DS's problems fixed by him taking a pill is clouding my judgement. I am exhausted with mental worry and want it all to go away.
Sorry for the essay, I guess I am just asking for any views on teenagers taking anti d's or any other solutions that we could consider. Flowers

OP posts:

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 10/06/2015 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreadmakerFan · 10/06/2015 13:06

Your DH is a pillock. I took ADs for a very long time and did not get addicted. Your DH is cruel to make your son suffer when something is available that could help.


popalot · 10/06/2015 13:09

He is describing a highly anxious state where he is alert to danger and has a fear of failure. He needs to have ongoing therapy alongside the chemical treatment to find out why and how to re-wire his thinking, otherwise it might be a life long problem. Best to treat the symptom and the cause.


mrsdavidbowie · 10/06/2015 13:12

Dd is on sertraline for ocd and anxiety. Without them she wouldn't function, complete a levels and I would have left homeGrin
They have made such a difference..slight weight gain but that's all

Your h is being unfair and a knob.


Violetcloud · 10/06/2015 14:30

I took anti depressants (fluoxetine) when I was 15. I had a few sessions of CBT first, and found that my lack of progress made me feel worse. The tablets got me to a point where I could talk through my issues. So there's nothing wrong with searching for a quick fix. When you're ill you want to get well as quickly as possible. It makes perfect sense that you want your son to get well quickly.

They're not addictive, I came off them after 2 years, and have not had a relapse of depression or any mental health issues since. Some people will have ongoing mental health issues, some won't, but I feel that the teenage years are ridiculously hard on your mental health.

Would your husband come to speak to the psychiatrist about it? Maybe talking through his concerns will help him come to terms with it?


itwillbebetter · 10/06/2015 15:34

Thanks for all the replies. Calling my DH names and saying he is cruel is slightly unfair. As I stated before he would not stop treatment but he is afraid of the consequences. He is a fabulous father in every aspect and has to come to every appointment and moved mountains to help our son. He just is scared of the drugs .
I do appreciate all the replies though, so helpful to get others perspectives.
I have screamed and cried today and managed to get DS in with the psychiatrist later on. DH will be there too. I hope this will move things on .
So sorry that so many of you are suffering Cake

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2015 15:47

If I were your DH I would be more afraid of the consequences of your DS not being allowed to take that anti-depressants. Self-medication with alcohol and illegal drugs, I'm talking about, to say nothing of the self-harm and possibly even worse outcomes, God forbid.

Anti-depressants are not necessarily long term and I do think that the crutch for the broken leg analogy is a good one. But even if your DS does turn out to need them long term, that's still going to be a better option than self-medicating with alcohol and illegal drugs.

So sorry for you that you are going through this and hope your DH sees reason.


Violetcloud · 10/06/2015 16:54

Good luck with the psychiatrist.

Lots of people are anxious about anti depressants, so I can see why your husband might be worried, but hopefully this meeting will go well and everyone can feel better going forward.


itwillbebetter · 10/06/2015 20:25

We are back. Psychiatrist listened to him firstly and then saw us jointly. He strongly recommended medication, thought cbt was not going to be helpful alone. So we have a prescription for setraline starting at 25mg and cbt in conjunction.
I am relieved. DH is not comfortable with this but supportive.
I hope there will now be some light at the end of this very long tunnel Flowers

OP posts:

BreadmakerFan · 10/06/2015 20:50

Sorry if I offended you. Your son has the right to choose his own medical support.


itwillbebetter · 10/06/2015 21:08

No offence taken, all views gratefully received.!

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/06/2015 00:41

I am glad that the psych has made that recommendation an your DH has accepted it, albeit uncomfortably.

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