How to reduce anxiety in 6 yo DS ?

[Babieseverywhere]

My DS is very anxious child who is very resistant at walking to school.

He doesn't sleep well, often has nightmares and can't get back to sleep.

He won't sleep in his own room/bed....preferring to share with his sisters or us.

He won't go upstairs to the toilet on his own. If we don't go with him, he will wet himself. He won't be on his own at all at home.

His stomach ache kinda comes and go but has been constant for the last three weeks. Doctor says no physical illness just anxiety.

He hates school. Claims he has no friends and everything is hard and boring. Taking him to school over the last 18 months has been a nightmare....from kicking, screaming to sitting on the floor refusing to walk to hiding. More calm recently but still uoset and anxious, no fun :(

School say he is fine and has loads of friends and he is happy there. I do not believe them and they are clear they do not believe in me either.

I worry he is masking his anxiety at school. School do not believe in masking.

He is going through various assessments and under a comm paed next appointment in four months.

Salt has referred him to social classes for his social communication difficulties, which I hope will help at school but that is six months off.

He is also scared of dieing and of me getting ill and has threatened to throw himself under a car to avoid school on several occasions (I am pretty sure he doesn't mean it, just showing me how distressed he feels)

What can I do to help reduce his anxiety, I just want him to be happy and not be in pain and upset. :(

Seen GP twice once with and once without DS. They are now sure he is not physically ill, they can't help or refer him further. They suggested we ring up the Comm Paed who we are seeing in four months and ask for that appointment to be brought forward, to see if they can help.

But I am a bit unsure, surely bothering a Comm Paed about stomach aches and nightmares seems a bit of overkill...on the other hand, what else can I do ?

The Community Paediatrician - so far as I could tell - seems to be the next "gateway" after your GP for anything they are not sure about. So in our area, they will do screening tests, and refer on for other assessments/tests. I would definitely do what your GP has suggested, as they will know the system in your area.

Anxiety seems to be either an anxiety disorder (fairly uncommon so young as 6, I gather) or an appropriate response to an experience/stimulus (very common with young children, who aren't able to cope with what is going on).

Trying the Explosive Child technique could help you to get some more info out of your DS for you to work with. It might be that there are some things contributing to his anxiety which could easily be changed, either at home or at school. You haven't really got anything to lose by trying.

Forgot to say, our community paediatrician was very concerned to hear that DS started refusing going to birthday parties at one point, and chased up the CAMHS referral for us. Constant stomach aches and nightmares sounds pretty serious to me.

Think I will get advice from local charity we visit and if they have no suggestions, I will ring admin for Comm Paed and ask what she recommends.

The book arrived. I read the entire thing on my own and have read first two chapters to DD1, DD2 and DS. Really for DS but thought I would make it a family project.

They have homework....draw a plant...which they have done. Second thing is draw what they worry about.

DS claims he worries about nothing !

oh, said I. So you aren't thinking anymore about mummy dying or about you getting ill or the monster which talk to you when you are on your own, so you refuse to go to the toilet or sleep in your own room.

Well, I do think about those things all the time but I don't worry..DS replied.

Lol, going to be tricky working through the book but looks simple enough.

Your DS sounds so like my DD (AS; we had the permanent tummyache, the can't go upstairs by herself).
One thing that really helped her anxieties was finding out (when she went to CAMHS) that worries (anxieties) are normal, and that all people (not just children, not just her) have them.

It was a huge weight off her shoulders.

Of course, you don't have to see CAMHS to tell him this!

Thanks :)
I do try to reassure him....hopefully the upcoming half term will give us all a well needed break.

Get a referral from your GP to CAMHS. DD suffers from anxiety and goes from peaks to troughs in how bad she is, she current is OK but hit s really bad patch in February but was find in school so if course they thought we were nuts. Just talking to CAMHS really helped.

That is exactly the issue...school think I am crazy delusional mother and literally roll their eyes at me.

I have stopped communicating with school as they can't /won't help. I will do what I can for DS at home and if it gets as bad as it was last year...I will take him out :(

He regularly gets upset, as he is very literal child and misinterpreted what is said to him.

babieseverywhere an so relate to you have the same with my 7 yr old daughter she hates school and goes in kicking and screaming but as soon as she there she is fine we ended up changing her schoolo as she was so depressed at the last she starts new one beg jan im hoping things work out for her there as I can see they have a great support already for her when she starts

Interesting thread and watching closely as I have a 10 yr old DS just like this. I'm about to ring a counsellor (a church charity run by qualified volunteers) to try an

Oops sent too soon!

....to try and help. Could you access anything similar OP.? I'm considering homeschooling too but not sure if that would help or hinder.

Babieseverywhere
I know this post is back in october
most of the things you are describing is just like my daughter, she is anxious most of the time, we have changed school for her as she was so unhappy there and head was not helpful one bit, her new school she will attend are fully aware of her problems, I also have TAHMS involved but havent been that good, my daughter will be 8 tomorrow, I hope she has a lovely day christmas wasnt as good as we liked, as she was constanly anxious, she also has alot of phyiscal sym like tummy pain, breathing too fast and feel sick, she too is scared of dying she constanly asks me if she will die hope your son is ok

Just caught the December posts added here.

DS is the same as always...now diagnosed with social communication difficulties....still working on reducing his anxiety at home.

Really enjoying the break from school atm :)

Hi
have nothing to add to the excellent advice here - just to say I feel for you and your ds and I hope things improve. Have 8 year old ds with ASD and pronounced anxiety but thankfully he is well settled at school who have always been understanding. if your school won't help and persist in treating you as the problem (probably defensive mechanism as they know they are failing you and your ds) then I would take him out.

In relation to school....

Could it possibly be that he is holding all of this in (internalising?) while he is there, so although things are not 'fine' as such they appear better than you imagine? Then outside he explodes..... where he feels safe?

Yes, I am sure he is holding on the best he can...I know his teachers and volunteers comfort him when he gets upset...bless them. But they don't see thus as a concern.

Home is where he can relax and so melts down. Take heart from that- he feels safe enough to do so with you

Thank you.....he gives the best hugs ever...he is a wonderful child :)