8 January 2012-01-08
How did this happen? How did my child end up like this? Obviously all my fault, children don't raise themselves.
Today we went to an ice skating party with school friends. There have been 2 similar parties the last 2 years, and both times DD chickened out on the ice. Both other times (reception and year 1, to give you an idea) at least one other child refused to skate, so DD was not alone.
Now it is year 2, many of children have been skating several times. Even the children (and parents) who go around the rink hugging the wall still have a go. When we were invited, DD at first declined. But as the birthday girl is one of her best friends, last week DD decided to go.
We got there. Got skates. The entire rink was hired out for us, so there were no teenagers zipping around. Just 25 year-2 children from DD?s class, and their parents.
Got on the ice and DD got distressed and said she didn?t want to do it. But not just distressed. Angry, crying, tantruming. We took the skates off, and she sat on a bench, but all the other children were skating. DD was angry that no one else was staying off the ice. She thought it wasn?t fair for people to have ice skating parties in case some of the children don?t like skating.
I find this a little unreasonable myself. 95% of the children clearly were interested in skating. So, they did not cater to the ONE person who wasn?t.
But to make matters worse, DD was whining and crying about being bored. So she got the skates back on to have another go. Two children and at least 2 adults, came up to her offering to help take her round, hold her hand etc. DD literally screamed at these children. Not a polite ?no thank you? but screaming ?NO!!!!!? at the top of her voice. I apologised to the children but now I feel that I should have made her apologise. But DD remained really upset throughout the party. Her second attempt on the ice was the same, she immediately got off again. I don?t mind if she doesn?t want to skate, but to behave like that, lashing out at her school friends, was really appalling. She claims these girls are ?mean? to her, but the look on the poor child?s face who got screamed at, I can?t imagine that that girl would scream at my DD like that.
DD has complained to me about bullying, saying she hates her school. Now I am confused. Today the alleged ?bullies? were very polite, trying to help, and trying to include my DD.
At one point when she got on the ice, DD cried ?all the children are laughing at me?. I did not see anyone laughing at all. Can a 7 year old really suffer paranoia?
Finally the skating part of the party ended, DD complained that she didn?t like the food, and cried because the hire-time of the rink was up and they had to put the cake aside for tomorrow at school. She kept complaining about that to me for the rest of the day, even though there is clearly nothing that I can do about it.
Before you reprimand me for my child being spoiled, I have to say that her father (DH) is chronically ill, and we basically live in a sick house, where she has to be quiet most of the time. I do 95% of the childcare, and she often goes days without seeing her dad because he is in bed when she is home from school, and I take her out at the weekends to stay out of his way. I try my best to provide entertainment for her, and do nice things at the weekend. But most of my efforts are not good enough, and DD ends up crying and whinging about whatever it was that wasn?t good enough, like tonight saying that was the worst party she ever went to.. I really try to change the subject when she is being negative but she just wants to moan and moan.
The bullying thing especially worries me because I don?t know if they are bullying her, or if DD is just angry because the other children won?t always do exactly what DD wants to do. I wonder if they are mean to her but just being nice today because I was there. It?s a really bad situation to not trust your own child?s version of the ?bullying? story. But I know how stroppy DD gets if she doesn?t get her way. I have NEVER given in to tantrums. Yet she persists in moaning non-stop most of the time.
Sorry this was so long. I really despair. She thinks I am cruel because I make her go to bed. And I don?t buy her every toy she wants. Would a foster family really let her stay up as late as she wants, and eat nothing but sweets? Would they buy her all the toys she desires? I think not.