How to find a live-in carer for a relative

[TheChosenTwo]

Where do I start looking for round the clock full time care, Is it an agency that I’m after? Presumably, with references/dbs etc.
Do I need to look for 1 or 2 carers? Do they swap over? It’s an intensive job for just 1 person and surely they’re entitled to have some time not working.
What facilities would there be expected at the house?
Sorry, I’m very new to all this and just been told today that I should look at organising something ASAP as my relative is no longer managing on their own. They have dementia and are a safeguarding concern now due to quite a few falls out and about requiring hospitalisation, not taking medication properly, not eating much/regularly, not bathing very much, not keeping on top of the house… you get the picture.
I don’t live locally but manage to get up there a few evenings a week and bring dinners from my house, try and do some housework but I’m not left alone at all, they just want my company, take them to the supermarket for fresh/heavy stuff etc, they’re capable to an extent but things are now just getting too much.
Please, any help on where to start looking? How do I know if an agency is ‘good’?

www.which.co.uk/later-life-care/home-care/organising-home-care/live-in-care-ab4sl1n154ww

If you scroll down there is a ‘how to arrange live in care’ section.
DF has dementia, is managing at the moment with daily visits but we know things will only get worse. Dementia is awful

Thank you, I’ll have a look now. It’s all a bit overwhelming

Are you not interested in a care home?

Have they had a care needs assessment by the local authority? If not it sounds as though this needs to happen asap.

You will need at least 2 people for 24/7 live in care.

A friend was advised that it would be around £3000 per week, so bear in mind you may have to consider other options unless money is no object.

What @ShellieEllie said.

We had live in care for my DGM. Does your relative need 24 hr care or can they be left alone? Do they need care during the night? There are two types of night time care, one where the carer sleeps but will get up for a certain number of disturbances. The second is for waking nights.

There wasn’t a hugely significant cost difference versus a care home for my DGM and it was an infinitely better experience for her. I would only use a care home as a very last resort.

Agencies can be very mixed - if you find one that presents issues or substandard care don’t be afraid to go elsewhere.

Also to add the carers tended to do 3-6 week stretches without a day off, then took 2-3 weeks off. So you will need a rota of a few people to keep things ticking over. It sounds complicated but really isn’t once a routine is formed.

@Mantlemoose I’m very interested in a care home but my relative is dead against it. I have agreed to try and help fulfil his wishes for as long as possible. I think he would be happier in the long run in a setting where there were other people and activities etc to stimulate him, to chat to, that sort of thing but he doesn’t want to leave his home.
@ShellieEllie I’m not really sure, I spoke to the well-being practitioner and his doctor this evening and they are arranging a meeting with us plus his former social worker next week to discuss the next steps, it was their suggestion that I needed to look for either a live in carer or an appropriate setting.
He’s not taking care of himself any more and he’s becoming a danger to himself, it’s quite clear that he needs help.
Regarding the financial side of things I’ll need to look at what’s realistic and listen to what they think he needs. Thinking about it, I’m not sure he’ll need overnight care, more some company during the day, someone to oversee him taking all his medications on time, going with him to the supermarket, maybe cooking (he’s doing a version of this at the moment but he’s not cooking properly and not eating very much) and keeping on top of the cleaning. He generally enjoys his evenings at home, he puts on his music and has an occasional sherry but he’s definitely been sleeping downstairs on the sofa rather than taking himself up to bed and taking his night time medication which then has a further knock on effect. He doesn’t have any issues in the night so to speak, is able to get himself to the bathroom and use the toilet etc without assistance.
He’s just come home from hospital following another fall a couple of days ago when he was out walking, he’s quite frail.
Due to past experience with some other people I know, a care home would be a last resort for us (and I know there are some fantastic ones, dh’s granny was in a truly wonderful one) mainly because he’s so against the idea.
And I’m still incredibly reluctant about inviting strangers into his home when he’s so very vulnerable. Nothing about this is easy.
Sorry, hope I’ve answered all your points, trying to make sure I’ve responded to everything!

We recently arranged a live in carer for a relative, it was through an agency costing about £1100 per week. This was for 24/7 care, but working 10 hours per day, including up to 2 wakings during the night. It was working very well, the carer would wash and dress the relative, prepare and cook meals. They could only give prescribed medication.

Thanks @Hadalifeonce - can I ask how the 24/7 element works if they are only working 10 hours per day? And what happens if there are more than 2 night wakings? Do they just refuse to assist after that? Just curious about this to be honest!
To be fair, a 70 hour working week for £1100 sounds like an excellent deal for the person who’s paying but terrible for the employee, especially after the agency take their fee. It’s so sad that such a valuable job is so underwhelming in terms of pay

So sorry, I’m not sure I worded that right, I hope it doesn’t come across that I think they’ve been cheapskates, more a general musing that such an important job is not as financially rewarding as it should be. Apologies if it read badly

A friend's mum has a live in carer.
The main carer stays 2 months at a time then has 2-3 weeks off, and is replaced by another carer. She is due hours off each afternoon, but prefers to save those hours up and have a full day at the weekend, which one of the lady's children can cover.
This is through an agency and costs £1800 a week.
The mum has dementia and sleeps a lot, but has remained content and the carer keeps in close contact with the family, who are very happy with the arrangement.

Shamelessly placemarking as we are starting to look at my mum's needs. I know she would prefer live in care at home to a nursing home, but just from what I've read so far I think she will need a nursing home with quite specialist provision

Horrible getting old isn't it. We employed a friend of ours as a companion for the things you mentioned. This was over and above the morning and evening care plan visits. Sadly it didn't last long as a fall ended up with them in hospital and then to a care home which they actually loved. Its not easy but you sound like you're trying your best for them which is all you can do.

Maybe he doesn’t need a 24 hour carer yet? My parents had a team of 2 carers who came once every day plus meals on wheels (sorry can’t remember which one we used) and a twice weekly cleaner. This worked very well for a year or so until a fall and various other medical issues meant it wouldn’t work any more. Hope you can get it sorted.

Also I would recommend an agency as if you employ direct theres also tax, no, holidays, ssp to consider.

I worked as a live-in carer for years, mostly through an agency, occasionally for private clients. You’d pay an agency £1k+ a week but the carer only receives half of that. If you’re lucky they provide one permanent carer who usually works about six weeks on then has a week off, the agency sends a relief carer for this week (but it’s often not as settled as this). In my agency we got two hours off each afternoon, if the client could not be left alone at all family would come then, or family would hire a ‘sitter’ for two hours. We were not meant to be disturbed overnight, though in reality we often were. I think the clients really benefitted from having a live-in carer, I really enjoyed the work though sometimes it was exhausting. Most carers I met/worked with were good at the job. Having also worked in a care home I’d say, if your relative can afford it, live-in care is by far the best option and it’s definitely more straightforward going through an agency.

Much the same as Wisterical says. The carer is in the house but take 'time out' during the day for a couple of hours. The carer reports back to the agency via a tablet several times a day. In theory, if the client regularly needs attention more than twice per night, there is supposed to be an extra charge, but this seems to be largely ignored by the carer if it's a short disturbance.

Thank you so much for all your responses, I’m sat here reading through them all.
Sorry to hear so many of you have also been put in this position of having to make choices on behalf of others, it’s so tough knowing what’s for the best.
I’m not anti a care home other than that it’s not their wishes and I have said I will help them follow their wishes for as long as we can.
@Wisterical any advice on tracking down a decent carer privately? I’m cautious for many reasons but if we’re going to be paying large amounts of money I’m keen that as much of it goes to the person who’s putting in the graft. It’s a big job and I want to know that the person doing it is appreciated and financially recompensed as they should be. My relative has a decent buffer however I’m aware that it possibly won’t the rest of their days and it would be heartbreaking if we can get the setup right but need to change it years down the line if costs dictate this.
@CiderWithLizzie no, perhaps for now we will look at a daytime option and see how that goes, will be interested to hear what the team have to say on the matter when we can get together.
I’d like to organise another cleaner for them in the meantime but previous issues have arisen with his dementia and them being accused of stealing from him etc. He’s also been withdrawing large sums of money from the bank in cash and then losing it on the bus, leaving it on a bin (luckily the neighbour retrieved it and called me), being wildly overcharged for things and just blithely handing the money over yet calling me to complain he’s been scammed…
He had a team of agency staff coming in recently and told them not to come anymore as they had supposedly been snooping around his bedroom. He keeps money in there and it’s not very secretive. It’s possible that someone was in his room. But it’s also possible that they were checking his medication like I’d asked them to because it had come to my attention that he hadn’t been taking what he should have been.
Anyone working in the house will also be vulnerable to his accusations and I’m really scared of putting someone in that position.

And placemark away @PermanentTemporary - there’s been some fantastic pointers and things to think about shared on here, I’m so grateful when people have so much to offer in terms of advice, it’s so useful to those of us who are inexperience and i find listening to real people is as useful if not more than other online ‘official’ sources.

*inexperienced

Bloody hell @Scarby9 it’s eye opening that they may be working for months at a time without proper respite themselves. It’s gruelling, just relentless when you’re on call 24/7. These people are literally heroes.

@TheChosenTwo

Firstly what a difficult situation

I employ 3 carers for my elderly relative who insists on being at home but it's ridiculous really he'd be better with lots of other older people ideally.

1 does Monday to Friday 8-1
He sleeps all afternoon
The other 2 do 4-9pm 7 days on 7 days off
Family cover weekend mornings

He hasn't got dementia and is ok on his own while he's sleeping tho but I pay these ladies directly - no agency I just use Penderells trust to do HR and payroll and pay an admin fee

Penderells put an advert out for me they were great they're a charity and the people they sent me to interview were all nice.

I pay them £14 per hour so it costs £1330 per week which is a huge amount of money but he wants to be at home and can afford it

We try to co-ordinate everyone's holidays and he usually has some respite care as well

I understand people wanting to be at home but when it gets to that level of care it's getting a bit pointless really especially when they'd benefit from company and activities etc...

Moving forward I'm not sure how long it's sustainable for but we are just doing as he wishes until it becomes unsuitable really

www.penderelstrust.org.uk