Here we go again :(

[MhamaiJane]

My dad 79 was diagnosed with Alzheimer's six years ago, he also has an enlarged heart and emphazema [sp?] He has rapidly deteriorated in the last six months, not washing, eating properly. The last time he was hospitalised, the age related team didn't asses him!

There is really only myself and my sister that are his main carers but and I feel terribly guilty about this but now he has got to the stage where he is wetting the bed but wn't let us clean up.

My sister has just phoned me to say that she has phoned the gp, it's not even his own gp, whom he hasn't seen for yonks but a doctor on call and the last time a gp came he was reluctant to sign dad in, eventually we got another doctor on call to persuade dad to go voluntarily, at that time it was his piles, it's the same again but now he seems to be incontinent too.

The professor the last time said it wuld be event driven, we said apart from the million other things going wrong that we were concerned that he could drop a ciggerette and set fire to the house, his response, "The fumes would probably kill him first, he probably wouldn't suffer!

He has missed his last three appts with the hospital, he won't leave the house and we are not getting any support. I'm sorry I know there is nothing anyone can do or say but I just need to rant. I'm sitting here waiting for the call from my sister to say gp is on the way.

I know what's on the way, dad being agressive, hospital doing their usual patch up and send him home routine. I'm sorry I'm rambling and this post is all over the place. I'm sitting here in tears.

Sorry you're having such a rough time, MhamaiJane.

I mentioned this to a friend who is an elderly care social worker (hope you don't mind)

She said that in this situation, the professionals you have dealt with are assuming you are all coping well and the only way to get them to help would be to make it abundantly clear that you are not.

This is a totally ridiculous system but she said you may need to weep and wail and refuse to have him back (if he's admitted to hospital).

Anyway, hope the situation improves for you all.

Did you try that link? just wondered if you got any help

Spoke to my friend last night, her dad's palce was accidentally double booked and he is abck with her until a palce becomes available, which means she loses the job she is supposed to start in September (dinner lady), childmindinga bit dificult when you share a home with an elderly man who smears poo over everything.

Its all crap, and you people who choose to care for elderlyn aprents need praise and help, not mounds of red tape and muisery

Well dad was finally admitted to a transition ward after two days in A&E. He's not even on the age related ward but at least he's in a bed and not on a trolley!!! He went for walking out of the hospital today and had to be brought back by security.

He's very agitated and confused but at least the staff managed to calm him down somewhat, they said it was best not to sedate him if possible. He is incontinent now, the team will asses him after the weekend but the professor is away for a month!

Basically because we do not have power of attorney, we have to get them to to proove he is not compus mentas [sp] We have been through so many hoops and hoo ha, we reckon dad has lost over a stone in the last month alone.

Anyway, at least for the moment he is recieving the care and help he needs but we really are coming to the stage where we are going to refuse to take him home. He needs 24 hour specialised care that we just cannot give him at home. My heart wrenched today because when the security an orderly were bringing him back, he looked crestfallen and dejected and just shooed me away.

Peachy, I haven't had a minute to look at the site but will do over the weekend. Thank's again everyone for your kind words, it really does help me to feel less alone with this if that makes sense.

x Mhamai.

Thanks Cali and thanks for the other night. x

Thanks cat64, trust me we have been down this road all too often, when he was admitted in February, they were supposed to try and organise a male nurse to coe in and wash him, that never materialised. He has rapidly gone downhill in the last twelve weeks. To give you an idea of the incometence of the support services, the local district nurse paid one visit ten weeks ago and refused to call again because she found dad agressive.

Unfortunatly as Alistirsim pointed out, we have to reuse to take him home now as he needs specialised care, the problem is on his last admission we were promised all sorts of supports that never arrived. They have forced our hand now but even now I think, I hope that they see that this is beyond us now.

You are entitled to a carer's assessment by social services. If you are very, very lucky you will get a sympathetic social worker. The key words are "carer breakdown imminent".
It hinges on whether you can convince them that you are in danger of complete breakdown if this continues. NHS generally useless IME.

HTH

Hi, excuse me joining in, I've just started to come up against 'the system'.
My mum is nearly 90, and until 6 months ago coped really well in her little flat, doing her own washing and food etc etc. I did cleaning, shopping, bills etc, she drove me insane as nothing was ever right and reduced me to a child again.
However, she's been diagnosed with COPD' chronic breathing problems, Carers had been coming in every morning, and she was managing but has been in hospital for most of last 3 months and has deteriorated.
Trying to get a new care package is a nightmare and you have all my sympathy. I've been advised by several professionals to just walk away and they'll HAVE to do something but I really can't.
She fell today and the carers stood around me and said 'We aren't allowed to pick her up'
Sorry to rant; I think your case is really severe and you should stand aside and then your dad will get the care he needs,
Will think of you, blessings, EM

Yes - earthymama. the system is designed to make the carer do everything until they reach a point where they break down. IME it is only when a carer has lost their job/career, health has broken down, and family is breaking up, that the system will allow them any help, and then only with endless form filling, assessments, and all manner of obstacles thrown in their way.

Carers are generally so exhausted and demoralised that it is difficult to do anything other than struggle on.

Bigs Hugs to you M,
To me it seems as though your Dad may need to go to a EMI unit. As if the district nurses are refusing to go to him the liklihood of hvaing carers doing personal care withoiut him gettin aggressive is slim.

I would suggest leaving him on his own for a while, just call the hospital everyday to see how he is? But make it clear that you will accept no responsibility for his care xxx
Hope things look up for you x

What's your situation now, M? have been thinking about you, as I'm suffering from shingles and I'm convinced it's from trying to do everything myself.
let us know how you are. EM