welcome to our newest members, I’m not pleased to see you here but you’re in the right place and it’s a warm supportive one ❤️.
@ladymalfoy45, sorry to hear your diagnosis. I have no experience of bowel cancer personally (I’m of the tit variety, although slightly exotic in that its triple negative).
They’re doing the same (chemo first) with my BC, because it’s TNBC and massive (9cm), they are blasting me to the edge of sanity with chemo for 6 months first prior to operating. Shrink the fucker then eviction. At first I was horrified because everything I had ever read about BC suggested surgery first, then possibly chemo after BUT - the benefit for us of chemo first is it will “mop up” any micro cancer cells that have strayed off the path and could be lurking anywhere thus helping reduce the risk of reoccurrence in the future and could well lead to far less invasive surgery when it’s that time. What does the Fox Trot Trial entail? I will have a read up.
I understand your DHs worry for his contract but don’t feel bad about giving him a swift kick up the arse to remind him you come first. Contracts come and go, he’s got it for right now and It’s now when you need him. Make sure he’s got his marigolds ready to look after you once you start treatment. I sat mine down like a child and pretty much gave him a PowerPoint presentation of the effects of chemo on my body, just to manage his expectations 😂. I’m really glad you’ve got your family lined up to come to appts with you, it does help. The way I see it is, we have one bloody good go at getting this right. There’s no “cut! Let’s start again”. We have to make sure we are doing everything we can to aid in the process of recovery and that means you should rest when you need to rest, not worry about anything you shouldn’t be worrying about and as much mental load removed as possible except to get through treatment in one piece.
@Ventress yes chemo for me first :). The old mopping up and shrink approach. What day is your weekly chemo? I’m a Wednesday. How are you feeling? I tend to get the most tiredness on a Saturday and Sunday then reset for Monday quite consistently each week.
I’m off for the Kidney test thing in the morning. The long appointment of being injected with some nuclear reactive substance then prodded every 2 hours after to check my filtrations are working. I’m taking my laptop in and will use the peace and quiet between prodding to do some work.
@cantbelieveIamhere no it’s normal to have all your scans come through at once so try not to panic (easier said than done I know!). I got my diagnosis on the 1st Sept by way of positive biopsy result then on the 2nd Sept, my phone did not stop ringing and I had appointments lined up for CT, US, lymph US, Mammogram and MRI. I was properly shitting myself. My CT came back clear with the caveat that there was a “prominent vein”’ on my ovary that they wanted to US to rule everything out. It turned out to be just a vein but they did say to me “it’s very normal for CTs to throw up some lumps and bumps that need further checking, it’s not often people get full body CTs and we all have things lurking”. So don’t go into instant panic mode if yours is the same .
Once you’ve been scanned and they have “the full picture”, your treatment will start quickly. They will not piss you around. The biopsies will also be looking at the histology (is this the right word? I’m still new) of your specific type to see if it’s hormone receptive etc. Mine is Triple Negative, so my treatment pathway is very different in that chemo first and surgery after.
I met with Oncologist on the 15th September and started chemo 2 days later. On examination, she was clear that the tumour was dangerously close to my skin and chest wall and very aggressive. And that lymph nodes are Involved. And stage 3. As bleak as all that sounds, they are treating to cure.
Not all BCs are the straightforward type we mostly read about but that doesn’t mean the worst ❤️. Believe me, when I first heard the extent of mine I thought I was properly fucked to put it mildly.
The next few weeks are going to fly by in a whirl of scans and with it, a range of feelings. If you need to cry, get it out. Don’t bottle it all up. Come on here and vent.
One of the things that I really struggled with was the need to vent the absolute terror that I was feeling. All I could think was “I’m not going to see my children grow up”. I couldn’t say this to my mother and I tried to say it to DH but he just could not and would not hear it from me. Simply refused that it was a possibility. Which annoyed me but I get it.
So I rang the MacMillan helpline number and said it to the poor woman who answered the phone. I just needed that conversation to rationalise those feelings, acknowledge them and let them pass. They’re still there, but much quieter.
Ive also started keeping a notebook next to my bed in the drawer. Then if the 3am voices of doom start up their irritating chattering, I write them in the notebook and then shut the drawer on them. The drawer was open every night for the first few weeks, now it’s lucky if it’s out twice a week. It was either this or brain DH with the notebook.
Now treatment has started, I can feel shrinking of lump as well as zero pain in my breast (I had to crawl out of bed in the morning). It’s very reassuring knowing that you’re cracking on, be that surgery or chemo, radio, or any of the other tools in the belt.
Once you get through this bit, you too will be cracking on!
@ForestFlowerFairy 
for your garden xx