I was diagnosed 4 years ago last month. It was a scary time. My DSis, a bc cancer survivor was a big support. She had never really talked about her experience so I learnt so much about her journey during the days/weeks from initial mammogram to full diagnosis. Having gone through I now understand why she couldn’t share. You can’t really explain the range of emotions you go through or the thoughts that ping around your brain.
It feels like the night before Christmas continuously and not in a good way. Constant surges of adrenaline as the situation hits time and time again. Sleep is difficult, in fact everything is difficult, but throughout it you keep it all caged because until you know the extent of diagnosis and treatment you just can’t share. You want to keep hold of that tiny possibility that they may have got it wrong and you also don’t want to be outed as a drama queen if it isn’t cancer, that is unless you are a drama queen.
My sister’s two simple pieces of advice were 1. What will be will be and 2. Cancer treatment and diagnosis is 80% waiting and 20% action.
Most of us start off numb, then angry and the perhaps the strangest reaction I had to the definitive diagnosis was relief that they would now spring into action and the all important treatment, getting rid of the alien in your body can now start.
I was lucky that my tumour was singular, a little larger than I would have liked but had not spread to my lymph nodes. It was the commonest, boring version that could be removed totally via lumpectomy and subject to a few extra tests would only need zapping with radiotherapy and chemo would be of no use. It was hormone sensitive so I was started on Anastrazole, hormone blockers, immediately.
Having the surgery was a psychological turning point. The tumour was gone, any further treatment is insurance. Being physically free of the cancer is a turning point.
Everyone deals with how they tell people differently. My DH knew from the start, we didn’t tell DS until we knew what was going to happen so we could answer any question. Finally I used Facebook ( restricted group) to tell the family. I then updated them regularly. A lot of people struggle to know how to deal with the news and you will be surprised by the reaction you get. Don’t be upset by this, people’s reactions can be very personal for reasons you may not be party to. Not everyone is open about their cancer journey, but you may be surprised by some friends you least expect to be supportive.
I don’t go around with a banner saying I’m a cancer survivor ask me anything. I find it much easier to talk about it with those who are also in the club no one wants to join. I have always had the don’t look back attitude. I don’t feel compelled to spend the rest of my life being constantly reminded that my boob tried to kill me. But there are others who dye their hair pink and turn up in pink tutus week in week out, possible to remind everyone, I try not to judge but it’s not my way of coping.
We have a fantastic local support group but after attending a couple of times it seemed to be half bc veterans and half people in treatment or those who had been unlucky and treatment hadn’t worked. I just felt that it skewed the actual post treatment outcomes and it wasn’t healthy for my recovery post treatment. I didn’t really want to know that my treatment might not work. If the treatment has worked you don’t want to know that it can fail at any time for a very small % unfortunately in support groups the small % make up a large % of their members.
You do need at least one person to share it with though. Difficult when you are single, but a trusted friend or even a work colleague who can support you helps. If you have no one then when you go next week have a chat with your allocated bc nurse. They are there for this sort of situation. They are much more supportive of women on their own. If you don’t have support they will be concerned.