Tell me everything about camping...

[MrsPiddlewink]

Somehow I have agreed to going camping this year. I've put it off for about 5 years.

We have nothing.

What are the essentials?

There are 5 of us (DH is very tall) + dog. Kids aged 3 - 9. Will a 5 berth tent be big enough? What features should be looking out for? Do we need a carpet?!

Please give me your tried and tested tips to make this experience as bearable as possible!!

I am reading in rather horrified admiration at the pee-bottle foot-warmer.

Which reminds me - hot water bottles! And then in the morning you use the then-lukewarm water to wash your face and hands in. (Feels much nicer and cleaner than wetwipes, which leave you sort of lotion-y.)

Is there really no chance of you upgrading to a yurt or bell tent for the festival, OP?

Sacrificial towels

Take duvets in those vacuum sucky bags to save space. Most air bed pumps will work in reverse for the return journey (I am a scout leader and have so far managed to smuggle my down filled quilt into every camp- sleeping bags are strictly for expeditions only!)

Shower in the early evening, put PJs on then get dressed again. At bedtime there is no need to get completely naked to get ready for bed.

Wooly hat- to be placed on head as the sun goes down. DH People will mock but it seriously helps if you get it on early.

Do not store car keys in the inner tent pocket, meaning that when everything is packed away you cannot start the car. So great is my fear of this happening that I actually keep the keys in the ignition with the radio on low while we pack up. That way I know where the keys are at all times :)

Lol Kiri, no way!
My risk assessment would go 'likelihood of accident: high' (over balancing while kneeling swaddled in sleeping bag, etc). Impact of accident: Cata-fucking-strophic!
Bushes or in-tent bucket for me!

archeryAnnie - I'm aware it sounds totally feral. Everyone does it when there's a risk of frostbite on your nether regions. Having learnt to do it in the Antarctic/Arctic, I now can't imagine doing anything else, unless camping in insanely mild weather/urbanized conditions.

That said, insanely mild weather and urbanized campsites can be quite pleasant if not done on a long weekend at the start of the school holidays . Look up The Basin campground on the outskirts of Sydney for how it should be done - get there by ferry, swim in the lagoon/Pittwater to wash, cook at the BBQs, have wallabies hopping round... and a very clean toilet block!

Kiri, I am totally in awe of you! Are you Bear Grylls?

I personally don't drink wine when camping, camping calls for brandy! It warms you up quicker and doesn't make me wee so much.

If you haven't camped before OP remember not to cook or put disposable BBQ's in your tent, due to CO risk. Don't want to sound patronising but every year there seem to be tragedies.

serin, no , very definitely not! If you do science at one pole you then tend to end up going to the other pole, because you get completely hooked and find any excuse you can to get into those landscapes. Once in those landscapes, you have to start liking camping pretty quickly.

But it's not what you'd call glamping - it's carry-everything-in-your-own- rucksack/sled and ski/walk between camps kind of stuff, so you quickly work out what you can do without. Also how to stay warm and not have to leave your tent, for when it's really cold!

kiri no, I was admiring! Conservation of heat that has left your body and all that!

There's a few if us on here who are rather taken with the idea of polar exploration, even if we never do it ourselves. If you ever feel like starting a thread posting about your exploits, I'd certainly read it!

kiritekanawa - having a hard time getting my head around sleeping with a bottle of my own piss, but thank you for all your advice!

Blu - it sounds difficult, but try giving it a -um- "dry run", so to speak, and you'll discover it's actually much less difficult than getting out of a sleeping bag when half asleep! But definitely use a wide-necked 1L bottle with a good watertight lid. And make sure you can't mix up your water bottle and your pee bottle!

ArcheryAnnie I think I'd out myself pretty quickly if I did, given how many people have heard all my stories slightly too many times! Basically it really is as beautiful as the David Attenborough Frozen Planet series (actually, much more beautiful), and the lovely thing is that there generally aren't other people, vehicles, etc to spoil your view. The quiet is amazing - it's like someone has cleaned out a lifetime's accumulation of irritating little bits of background noise, from your brain, and just left it pristine.

There are a few places that are very easy to get to if you think this kind of thing sounds amazing but impossible for ordinary mortals. Northern Norway and Iceland are both pretty camping-friendly - particularly if you go when it's still snowy (May/June), rather than muddy (August). Iceland is very cheap to get to from many bits of the UK. You'd want to practise first in scottish winters though - preferably only a few miles from a good pub, a supermarket, and a hotel

MrsPiddlewink haha. Honestly, how bad can it be? You've got kids. You've dealt with far worse!

in all the bear grylls talk (sorry!) I actually forgot to say - plastic bag for tissues; and hand gel, are typically also part of the procedure.

My perspective on this kind of thing is to learn all the techniques like pee bottles - and minimalist equipment generally - because the sooner you can transition to wild camping, the better for everyone. Then you're not stuck for miserable weeks every summer listening to the twat in the next tent with his guitar and his snoring habit... because there isn't a next tent!

Festival camping is different.

I personally prefer it as there is a good reason and a reward for enduring the misery.

You need to take less cooking equipment too. I wouldn't bother tbh as there will be a van selling something somewhere. So its less to carry and less stress.

Tent wise - go smaller. Again less to carry, its warmer (you'll also need less bedding) and if some dick decides to nick/damage your tent, it won't hurt you pockets as much. Plus you won't be spending much time there except for sleeping.

Make sure you have a good torch/head torch. You'll need to avoid trip wire hazards.

I do think its easier than camping proper tbh.

Just the toilets to deal with, but even then all festival toilets are not the same. Portaloos are also not all the same - its definitely worth the long walk to the quieter ones. Drop pits and portacabin toilets also tend to be better than portaloos.

On the topic of pee bottles, I remember reading that fabric conditioner type bottles are supposed to be the best >

profpoopsnagle why? (I think for females the most important bit is the wide neck... too much positioning required otherwise )

Maybe they just smell better

hehe serin - one advantage of very cold weather is you can't smell anything!

This is DOTD! Very apt.

kiri I've been camping in Iceland! But in July, so no snow around the edges, at least. I deeply mourn the loss of the ferry from the Shetlands.

Eek - festival camping?! Have always shied away from that. I have heard that the one you're going to is nice though tbf OP.

"Staying very slightly drunk much of the time can really help."
Is my only contribution - we go with Ds's clasmates once a year, being drunk is the only thing that makes it bareable

Haven't read the whole thread but have to strongly advise against onesies for camping. Any number of thick cost Paul bottoms, bed socks, if tshirts and fleeces, yes. Onesies - NO. The absolute worst thing is the freezing temperatures in the middle of the night, you do NOT want to have to strip right off in the event that you have to pee at 3am. Even the nicest toilet blocks are not heated at night time.

*cost pj bottoms

No idea why that changed to cost Paul!

Ooh don't forget your credit card to pay for the emergency room at the Holiday Inn

Re. Camp Bestival, are you planning on arriving early the first day (Thursday)?

I'd have a think about how early you can bear to arrive. I steward at various fests including Glastonbury, Reading and Bestival (Camp B is one we do too) and based on those, customers are very committed to getting into the site asap

Weekend camping tickets for Camp Bestival have sold out in recent years.

Imo a lot of people at Camp B will have giant sized tents, gazebos and paraphernalia (DIY glamping ) which will cause campsites to fill quickly. People also save space for friends...If you arrive late be prepared to be stuck in the most far flung field, miles from the festival/ car park/ toilets Having said that I don't know the site (maybe it's more compact than I'm used to - if so ignore my scaremongering ). Try and find a Camp B veteran between now and July to clarify

Be prepared to queue on foot avec luggage to get in, depending on time of day It can be rather tedious after the excitement of arriving!

Most festivals don't allow glass so you need to decant your alcohol and condiments into plastic bottles/ containers prior to leaving, or have it confiscated at the gate Wine boxes, cider boxes, G+T in cans, spirits decanted into plastic bottles/ hipflasks are the way forward

A collapsible handtruck or folding wheelbarrow, plus bungee cords (poundshop), can be very useful if you have a lot of gear to transport from car to pitch. Basically look for something with big wheels. Tiny wheels are absolutely useless in the mud/ over distance e.g. trolley suitcases. I'm fairly certain once you're wristbanded you can make return trips to the car to collect further kit. Take the tent and other essential things on your first trip and send DH/ older kids back for the rest once the tent is up and you're enjoying a nice or !

Alternatively there are such things as festival taxis (aka golf buggies) which are available to hire at the gates. They transport you and your gear into the campsite! They're active on the departure day too. Not cheap but might be worth it. Some festivals let your hire wheelbarrows too. Check the FAQs.

Camp Bestival offer something called Camping Plus whereby they save you a pitch in a special area (check dimensions against your tent, looks like 5x7m) for £125

You will have a great time! My friends say the fireworks over the castle are spectacular

Well according to the website the campsites aren't that far from the car parks so you ought to be okay!

Do check whether your tickets say Thursday or Friday entry, you won't be allowed in Thursday with a Friday ticket (we have to turn people away unfortunately).

I can't see mention of the festival taxis but there will be a trailer-trolley hire company in all the car parks. They hire 4-wheel flatbed trolleys. You can also hire them for the evening/weekend with/without canopies and cushions to transport small kids around. People add bedding and decorate with fairy lights so that they can get out and watch the bands while the kids snooze . Info is on the website under 'camping' (scroll down to the bottom). A deposit is required.

Toilet facilities are getting much better at festivals, don't despair! Portaloos are being replaced by compostable toilets (sometimes sans roof so you can see the sky!). They have normal toilet seats and you take a cup of compost in with you which incredibly keeps the facilities smelling sweet! There are sometimes units with flushing toilets and sinks with running water (at Reading Festival, surprisingly). I imagine Camp Bestival will be fairly well served to reflect its eco/family credentials. Top tip - find a couple of decent sets of toilets that you like and try to plan loo-breaks as you're passing! Don't forget anti-bac gel and loo roll/ wipes in your day bag

There are super posh toilets but you have to pay for a pass to use them!