DS age 4 is being bullied head refuses to discuss

[slushy]

Right ds is in nursery he loves school and wants to go in whether he is ill or not, but a few weeks ago he waited till we got to the gates and said he felt ill and did not wanna go in. This is strange he normally hides it from me so I took him out for breakfast and quizzed further. It seems one of the boys has been hitting him and taking his glasses saying he is going to break them ds also said the boy told him 'his mummy didn't love him and was going to leave him in school'.

Now when I was talking about this my sister pointed out that this happened as well when we were in a indoor play area and that it was the same boy. On that occasion the boy squashed my ds in a room refused to let him out and stole his glasses. I went over to get his glasses and his friend said he didn't speak English( the friend was English the boy is not). I said I would get the lady to throw the boys out if they didn't give me his glasses the boy who attends ds school fetched them back.

Now when I spoke to my teacher she said she hasn't seen anything and all children hit each other. I told her about the incident I witnessed and was told oh yes the boy was in a funny mood and being a bit naught. But he does not speak English so could not have said those things' This sort of thing has happened about 5 times since I spoke to the head and she dismissed me saying we don't have bullying in my school. But I mentioned it to the other mothers without saying the name but they all new who I was talking about because they also have problems.

Am I being PFB? if not what can I do about this?

Wow, 5:30 ratio! The most I thought they'd have in class is 2:30!

I was going to suggest your DS say no when the other kid does something naughty but wasnt sure if he would be too young for it.

Glad to hear it all went well

Slushy I'd still watch that friendship if I were you.

Reason I say that is my ds had same issue at nursery with one boy who is his friend. Specs came back broken or were missing but ds wouldb't tell a thing about what's going on.

Then one day in the street I see ds's friend taking off ds's specs and is about to crush them - I stop him. His mum does this flaky 'oh no please don't do that'. I also ask him not to.

DS fessed up and said it was his friend all along and he doesn't do anything to stop him precisely because he is a friend. Agh!

My view is that the boy is developed enough to pretend he doesn't understand english when he doesn't want to hear something(he does understand) therefore developed enough to know it's wrong to do this as it's not the first time he's been told.

Yesterday - nursery hand me pair of bent glasses saying that the boy had taken them off ds and trodden on them. This is now the 5th time (that we know about) We'll now have to muddle on with this pair until this next test in sept.

With friends at that age it's sometimes very hard to draw boundaries. The mum is a friend actually and she's aware but just way way too flaky in this respect. They are not family, they are nursery pals.

Thankfully ds is slowly cottoning on to the fact that x isn't a really great friend if he keeps damaging something that he needs to see.

So watch out for continued glasses issues.

As it happens giveitago the thing I managed to chat to her about was she is selling a car and my mum was looking so I asked for her number and we got chatting. My mum went to view the car today and asked why she was selling she is apparently having difficulty in this country and is moving back to Portugal.

Thanks for warning me, if his mum changes her mind I will watch carefully I was worried about him encouraging ds to be naughty. Have you really got to wait if ds breaks his glasses Specsavers repair them free of charge and dp were broke it only cost £3 to fix (I know it is beside the point) what is it about glasses they seem to be a magnet? How old is your ds now? very sad he has had to put up with this

Oh ours were broken so many times we had to start paying!

They are a bit bent but ok till sept when he has his next big check and we'll get another prescription so we'll be OK then.

I like this kid but he IS naughty - ie I noted that I had to move all our playmobil as he trashed it and it took hours (talking hours) to repair.And again mum is flaky 'oh x don't break that etc.' Not enough. It's her kid she can handle him as he wishes BUT it does mean I struggle with him.

He understands english perfectly (not much speech yet though) but his mum does struggle with him. And she doesn't seem to realise that he does understand english. I'm very relaxed about stuff. Playmobil is easy to move to another room - glasses are another matter.

My ds is 4 and starts school in sept and they are not going to the same school and I think that's a good thing as although kid is nice enough he has a very very naughty side to him that isn't ever addressed and he and ds are very babyish when together together. Playdates post sept are fine as I'll be there all the time but when they are at nursery together it does annoy me that we've had this issue over and over again and this kid isn't doing it to be affectionate - he's doing it to be bad.

There are lots of kids at nursery with glasses - they haven't had this issue.

So great this boy has a nice mum but that doesn't stop glasses issues.

I am very sorry about the trouble you have had . Your friends attitude would infuriate me it is not as if she is doing her dc any favors either if I was you I would insist she pay for a new pair ( If my ds broke someone glasses accidently or purposely I would insist on paying for some new ones) she would soon toughen up I bet. I know I don't like the glasses being broken I have enough to contend with dd (11mnths) breaking them.

The other boy has not broken them yet he seems to want to take them home I wonder if it is because they are scooby doo ones. I am concerned though because when ds got home yesterday he has a big cut on his neck ten pence piece sized I didn't notice till last night because he had his collar up covering it, which is unusual because the school normally tell me and ds does too, when I ask he says he fell off a chair so I inquire further was you stood on the chair and he changes the subject.

Whoa - that's a big cut.

We must get our dcs to start telling us what is happening.

I went to help in nursery today - I've just seen how his friend acts and it's not great - they are drifting apart and its the mum who is encouraging this friendship which is on its last legs.

I was a bit annoyed today when her ds was taking a bit of a pop at another child. This other child was taking a bit of a pop at her child and the mum told the other child off when it was her kid that was being very very provocative.

Agh.

Roll on till the end of term and they'll just drift apart when they start their respective schools.

You must get to the bottom of your ds's injury.

I am glad and I suspect you are two that you are able to send them to different nursery's hopefully they will naturally drift apart must be hard though to know that he is doing it to other children.

I have been trying but the teacher said she is unsure how it happened ds wont tell me anything other than he fell off the chair I suspect he was standing and doesn't want me to tell him off, I feel guilty for not noticing it earlier .

But ds is like me and does not cry or complain about pain easily, so he could well have not told the teacher how it happened and just carried on playing.

If a head teacher dismissed an allegation of bullying with "there is no bullying in my school" I would move my child.

Unless the head teacher is some kind of mystic who can change human nature there will be bullying somewhere at some point in the school.

Refusal to acknowledge bullying contributes to it and also fuels the bully's knowledge that they won't get caught thus ensuring hte bully continues without halt.

My friend removed his daughter from a school becuase the head said "the girls were far too nice" to do the things his daughter said they did.

I do agree with the others now that in my ds case it is not bullying and after speaking to the mum I have realized she and her son are having a very rough ride and they have no support or friends or family near by and his behavior is just a effect but I can see why the mother is doing what she is.

But the head's attitude is worrying for the future because I know if ds does get bullied the head will not do a thing to stop it. I also have heard off the older mum's that there is a lot of bullying in the school. The head is due to retire so I may go on a waiting list which is a few years long and see how things are when his name comes up.

Any head teacher who says 'we don't have bullying in our school' is not a good head teacher. It happens everywhere, there is no shame in it for schools, but in order to deal with it, is has to be recognised as happening.

You poor thing. Being in the process of getting my children out of a school where the head teacher says we don't have bullying, despite the fact that families are flooding out the gates to other schools as quickly as they can get places, many on grounds of unaddressed bullying either of their kids or others that their kids have witnessed, I really feel for you.

You probably have a long hard struggle ahead, with teacher attitudes like that, unless the child in question just decides to leave yours alone all by himself.