What can I do to help Tom?

[tomsdaddy]

Tom is five. He's a bright, happy, helpful little kid. He used to love going to school. He's in reception.

Jamie is in Tom's class. He has Autism, and has a special teacher to look after him and help him.

Jamie keeps attacking Tom. He scratches his eyes and makes him bleed. He pushes Tom in the cloakroom and bangs his head on the pegs. He punches him and kicks him. We've spoken to the teacher on multiple occasions, and they have promised to keep an eye open for it. Usually when they do, it calms down for a while.

Yesterday, I had to warn school that it was building up again - I told Tom's teacher that Jamie had been kicking and punching him again, and that on Friday, he scratched his face again. I was told that they'd keep a close eye on him.

Tonight, when I collect Tom from school, the teacher rushes over to tell me that Jamie has bitten Tom on the arm. It's a bad bite - not quite broken the skin, but badly bruised. Tom has asked me tonight if he can stay at home with Mummy and me because he doesn't want to go to school anymore, because Jamie is always having a go at him. I've told him that I will sort to out for him, but he doesn't think there's anything I can do - ad to be honest, I'm wondering what more I can do. The school don't seem to be taking to be seriously enough, and I don't know what steps I should take next.

I know they are both only little - but I can't let my son get attacked like this almost every day. What can I, should I, do?

A.

Agree with Pixie. The teacher was aware there had been problems before. This should have never been allowed to happen.

Suspect Jamie wont have a 1-2-1 teacher all the time - could the attacks be happening when she is not there.

I'd document each and every incident (photos of injuries) and make an appointment to see the head.

Ok, I have a copy of the school 'Safeguarding policy' which refers to the 'Behaviour & Anti-bullying Policy' which appears to not be published on the website.

I'm going to ask for a copy of the anti-bullying policy tomorrow when I make an appointment to see the HT.

I've also read the complaints procedure - so now I know that I can escalate the problem to the Governors if I'm not getting anywhere with the NT.

Hopefully the HT will take this seriously, if not I'll escalate it as appropriate. Anyone want me to update the thread to let you all know how we got on? If not, thanks to everyone for your input, really appreciated.

That doesn't mean that if you're just reading this and have some advice I won't be reading it mind...

A.

Yes - good luck and please update us - and hope Tom is OK.

Ok, just got back from school open evening and I can update you all on what has happened today.

I had a meeting with the headmaster this afternoon and rather than being fobbed off, or told it was just boys being rough (as I half-expected), the HT took it very seriously. He told me that I'd done exactly the right thing in coming to him, and to rest assured that something would be done about it. He stressed that this was something that he, personally, took very seriously and that he would be managing the situation from now on.

He thought that the problems could be dealt with by proper supervision, procedures for trying to keep the boys apart (for example, not letting them both into the cloakroom together), and by using a diary to tell us how things were going.

Interestingly, he was most concerned about the fact that Tom was saying that he wanted to stay at home - he felt his priority was to make sure that Tom was happy at at school, and that brought success.

I have to say I was very impressed by him - he's reasonably new at school and this has ben my first real engagement with him. I'm happy to trust the school to get this right - with the proviso that if they don't, he knows I'll be taking it further.

So, basically I'm trusting the HT to make sure my son is safe. He'd better get it right...

As an aside, at the open evening I took a look in Tom's class. As part of Tom's work was a 'conversation sheet' that a teacher had filled in in June last year which I hadn't seen before. In answer to the question 'What don't you like about school', Tom had answered 'Being smacked by Jamie'. Made me realise that this has been going on even longer than I thought...

A.

I'm really pleased that you had a productive meeting with the Head. Let's hope that he does get on top of the situation. We were completely fobbed off when we had a similar issue at ds's school, but it sounds pretty promising for you and Tom.

that the 'conversation sheet' which was filled in by a teacher hadn't rung the alarm bells for the staff though.

Did you mention this to his class teacher this evening?

Just seen this.
I really hope the HT is going to get on top of it, as someone who has been there all I can say is please please please keep on top of this, if the HT does not manage to stop it go to the governors and the LEA.

Actually I showed the conversation sheet to the HT, he seemed, well, dismayed I think is how I'd judge it.

Also got to speak to the class teacher, who undid some of the HT's good work - I'm not sure she has any sort of handle on what's going on.

We'll see. The HT has said that something will be done, and I'm prepared to give him and the school chance to keep that promise before I take it any further.

He did at least take it seriously, agree that there was a problem and promise to do something. This, at the end of the day, was what I wanted. I wasn't seeking punishment for Jamie, or some sort of vengeance - I don't believe it's his fault, it's the fault of the class teacher/TA/School/System/whatever. You might as well blame a blind kid for bumping into people...

If this doesn't work, I know a Parent Governor who will help me take it further, so, like I say we'll see. I'll let you all know in a while how its been going if you like...

In the meantime, thanks to everyone for your support and useful info, much appreciated!

A.

Am really pleased that the HT is taking you seriously...and will hopefully give the class teacher a shove in that direction too. I hope Tom begins to enjoy going to school very soon, the HT is right, he cant learn if he's frightened and unhappy.Well done!

hi, how are things? any update?

Hi all - just thought I'd let you know how things had panned out after a month or so...

The HT did take us seriously. We had a letter from him the next week detailing what they were going to do, in terms of supervision of the other child, management of situations to prevent them being alone together, and feedback (a diary to come home at the end of the week to let us know that everything was ok, and that Tom was enjoying school).

So far, so good. The diary s being filled in and sent home, and talking to Tom, he says he's happy and no-one is hurting him. The real test is if this continues. The problem seems to come in waves, giving the helpers enough time to relax their guard before it starts up again, so the important thing is that is doesn't happen again - or if it does, they nip it in the bud early.

But as I say, so far, so good.

I've been very impressed with the way it's been handled by the HT.

A.