This still upsets me. I am a grown woman, AIBU, should I just get over it?

[anonymity]

When I was in my early teens I went on a school trip abroad. I was a bit apprehensive as I was a shy and home-loving girl, but thought I would be OK as my (so-called) friends were also going. I was sharing a room with them (there were 3 of us in the room). The room had a double bed and a single.

The first thing that upset me was that neither of them wanted to share the double with me. I can understand teenage silliness over bed-sharing but felt really hurt at the nose wrinkling, as if I was smelly / dirty or something (which I was not).

The first night there I was very ill with food poisoning. I don't think I have felt as ill before or since (even with morning sickness). I crawled out of bed to be sick repeatedly and ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor just so I was near the loo. I woke the other two, unavoidably, and heard 'yuks' and other sounds of disgust and annoyance at being woken coming from the bedroom as well as sniggers.

I was so ill I didn't care but I was feeling homesick and sad (just wanted my mum) The following morning I felt well enough to return to my bed and fell asleep. When I woke up, one of them had daubed red paint or make-up all over 'my half' of the sheets as if to make it look that I had a period and had bled all over the sheets. Cue more uncontrollable laughter and then eventually peace as they went out for breakfast and I stayed in bed.

Why would anyone do that?

I have never told anyone about this before, but it had a deep and lasting impression on me and I don't recall the teachers doing anything (I think I was too ashamed and ill/ fed up to say anything anyway). I think when I finlly got up, the sheets were changed. I spent the rest of the torture 'holiday' (haha what a fun time I had ) in the bed with the other girl putting pillows down the middle of the bed to 'protect' herself from me.I think this has affected how I trust and relate to people as an adult.

This is not a troll. I am too ashamed to post it under my regular name. I don't know what I should have done, or if indeed there is anything I still should do - seek counselling perhaps? It has been cathartic to write it down.

God I can relate to this all so much.

When I was in my early teens my so-called Best friend (evil little thing looking back - WHY did I knock about with someone so vile- no self worth) set me up on a karaoke in front of the whole year and teachers on a social event. I froze and went up took the microphone and just stood there about to burst into tears.

I look back and wonder why on earth I didn't just say er..no I didn't put my name down and be done with it. I can still see everyone's face as they laughed or tried desperately not too at me. It was actually also like the film Carrie they way she set it up. This was one of many things she did to me.

Still feel sick when I hear the song to this day and I am mid 30s
I have, however had a very happy, successful life though.

Sycamore is spot on in what she says - it says so much more about THEM than you.

I met the school bully at a recent reunion. She had just been dumped by her husband and had no children. Her eyes were sad. I kind of felt sorry for her until I remembered how many people she had made feel utterly miserable.

Seriously what goes around comes around.

I can relate to the low self worth, Crushwitheyeliner.

I was desperately lonely and did not have a happy home life.

I clung onto any 'friends' I could get and put up with shit, frankly.

After this incident though, I had no-one.

I always sat alone in class and canteen, wandered around the huge school at lunchtimes alone, was the last to be picked for team games etc (a vile practice which any teacher of sound mind should ban).

I became resigned to being mocked and jeered at. It has made me quite bitter and the anger that goes through my head sometimes (what I would do/ wish I had done to the bullies) frightens me. Also, I am afraid of how I would react to anyone who bullied my DCs, I would not be able to contain myself, and clearly this is not good, but it would just trigger all my pent up rage.

I have tried to visualise the 'shrinking' approach but don't feel (as yet anyway) that this would help me. I feel a real need for revenge served cold, which I know is not healthy. On the plus side, I think I am a more self-reliant adult as I feel I have had the worst things thrown at me, have been very damaged, yet I have survived.

The anger is so powerful, and I don't really know what is a healthy way to deal with it,as I have suppressed it for so long.

Yes, counselling is definitely somehting I think might help you. You recognise that it is a big lot of emotion you're carrying around, and that it needs dealing with.

Your GP might be able to offer you counselling through the practice. That could enable you to talk it through and let it go a bit.

I can't see any other way really unless you find out where they live and go and meet them - you might find they have grown up a bit since then...

I too can relate to this. I actually felt depressed and fed up just reading it because I remember EXACTLY how this makes you feel inside. You shouldn't and won't 'just get over it' because it has affected you deeply.

I'm sorry I have no advice but I wanted to reply and say I feel for you. Kids are horrible.

Anonymous, I think some anger towards them for what they did is actually a healthy response.

Don't feel bad for getting angry, it will eventually subside.

Also agree that even just a couple of counselling sessions might help you work through your feelings on this.

"was the last to be picked for team games etc (a vile practice which any teacher of sound mind should ban).""

But they never will. It's okay to be bullied in class in sports while the teacher stands there and smirks. Can you imagine being picked by your peers and whittled down to the worst in a maths lesson?

In Carrie, they have a nice sports teacher, though, who knows what's going on. Doesn't help, of course.

Anon

I get the feeling you need to do something about it,as you've obviously been carrying this around a long time. I hope you can see from my experience and lots of other posters that is unfortunately very very common.

What I want to say is 'Don't be a victim'. I really understand what it feels like to carry anger and want to pay someone back. However, you cannot let them continue to impact you.

So consider
1)channelling your energies in a positive way i.e. volunteering for the National Bullying Helpline, writing an article/real life story (some details changed) or similar. Put the experience to good use by helping others

2)contacting these people if you can find them (facebook, friendreunited etc). Tell them what they did to you and you may be surprised. I wrote an article on workplace bullying once and in my research discovered most bullies when confronted don't even realise. Your 'friends'probably have a nagging guilt but no idea how you were traumatised. You could end up with an pology or at least an explanation and it might help you deal with it and even possible forgive them. It could bring it to a close.

3. Get some counselling to try and work through the bigger issues of a lonely childhood.

MOST OF ALL - remember you are part of a huge group of people and you are not alone in this.

I can totally understand why you were still upset about this. I don't know what goes through girls' minds when they treat other girls like it. I wasn't bullied at school, but I was bullied quite mercilessly at sports camps that I went on as a teenager. I had my first period at school when I was 12. One of my friends had been given a packet of sanitary towels by her mother and she gave me one. She hadn't started her periods yet and she was just really excited for me! As were my other friends, only one of them had started at the time. It must have been horrible for them to be mean about it - I made my mum (who was very excited!) promise not to tell my dad or brothers as I remember how embarassing it was.

I think times have changed a bit, however for your DCs. People are still nasty of course, but (not sure of the ages of your DCs) if they were ever in a similar position, they would (probably?) have a mobile phone/email etc and be able to contact you. In the days that I went on school trips there was no contact with anyone from home. They might enjoy school trips and it would be a shame to deprive your children because of these nasty girls.

I often wonder how people who have behaved like this in the past feel about themselves. If they have their own children, they must feel totally ashamed of themselves as they will be concerned about them getting this kind of treatment.

I think it will help you a lot talking about it on here and if you do that, you may not actually need to talk to someone.

anon - as a rule I don't do virtual hugs, but if I did I'd give you one now.

When I first read your post I thought "she is bothered about that6?" but now I am crying, so obviously I too have a lot of issues re; horrid, horrid behaviour of teenage girls.

Do take pickupthemess's advice - she has some very good ideas there.

Some of the best moments of my life have been when I've been spotted driving DH's very nice car by "those" girls I was at high school with.

There is some great advice on this thread.

(((((HUG)))) - there I did it.

Been there and done that.
Kids at school were horrendous I even have a scar to this day on my leg where a girl thought it would be acceptable to kick repeatedly with her steel toe capped boots (why the hell they were allowed in the school in the 1st place i'll never know ).

Was also bullied by 2 teachers.

Bullied in the work place as an adult too.

I still sometimes have problems now and again trusting people and feel insecure now and then, but,I look back an realise they were the ones with the problems, not me.

Satisfying to know

1. Kids at scool..... loads are/have been in prison, lifes screwed up with drugs, no job prospects due to the above etc etc whereas I have never been in trouble with the law, never done drugs have a well paid job and am settled so i'm happy to think "oh ye, you might have been big in school, but, look at me/you now.

1. Teachers......one stopped me in the town once and asked how I was getting on and seemed happy that I was doing so well (ok may have been BS but....). The other, oh Mrs holier than thou (part of bullying was to do with RE) was sacked from her post after it was discovered she had an affair with a priest). Oh how sattisfying that one was lol.

1. Work......when I handed in my notice you should have seen the look of sheer terror on the face of the boss and oh boy, seeing as I had just quit and she was unable to threaten me with the sack I tore her to shreds and brought her down a peg or two.

RE: never forgiving them.....I understand completely, I always said the same, but,found myself at such a low point because of everything over the years that I suffered badly and realised that the bullies (altho no longer in my life) were still bullying me and I was allowing them too.

I now say I will never forgive, but, I can let it go, they are the ones with the problems even now, but, i'm better than them.