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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Bitchy mums at the school gates

35 replies

duckduck1992 · 07/12/2025 09:22

Does anyone else experience this?? It’s like mean girl behaviour from 40 year old women and I hate it. I’m not the target and it’s nothing to do with me really but I can’t bare seeing it!! It’s like grow up please whose going into school you or your 5 year old?????

OP posts:

Greatholidaybut · 07/12/2025 10:54

User564523412 · 07/12/2025 09:37

It's always perceived "bitchiness" because of your own insecurities. It's usually the group of mums who like to stand together chatting to themselves and don't bend over backwards to greet and welcome every other parent they see, that get labelled as bitches. People assume they are talking badly about other parents when in reality they genuinely don't give a shit about what other mums are doing.

By labelling other mums as bitchy, you are literally no better than them. It's obvious that a everyone loves a spot of gossip so even if they were talking about the frumpy mums or ones who can't keep their feral children under control in class, it's clearly fair game.

Am intrigued by your interpretation of 'frumpy Mum's'?

tripleginandtonic · 07/12/2025 10:57

Fitzcarraldo353 · 07/12/2025 09:26

Same. It always feels like one of those MN things. There are definitely groups of women who know each other well and are clearly friends but I don't see any bitchiness. And that's at two different primaries.

Show quote history

This. I think it's in the posters h3ad. Just because they're waiting at the school gates with you doesn't mean they should be your best mate. A hello and general small talk is fine.

honeylulu · 07/12/2025 11:06

Depends on the cohort. In my son's year there was a Queen Bee group and they were really quite openly bitchy and nasty to the mums they didn't consider worth knowing.
But in my daughter's year everyone seemed friendly and nice, it was a truly pleasant surprise.

I suppose people who've only experienced the latter might think "bitchy school gate mums" is a myth.

Chairwoman4 · 07/12/2025 11:09

I can understand why people think it’s not a thing, it wasn’t at the second primary my child attended. It very much was at her first though!

CountFucula · 07/12/2025 11:14

I wouldn’t have said this was a thing until I became a teacher - then I saw first hand how absolutely awful, snobby, bigoted and bitchy the school gate can be. I can’t believe how some of them behave.
I can see clearly it’s the parents of the children who are (frankly) a fucking pain in the ass that are the absolute pits to other parents. They are ashamed and defensive and that is what is driving the behaviour. A deep insecurity. Delete any what’s app groups and literally speak to no one is my strong advice.

Milkwort · 07/12/2025 11:17

Chairwoman4 · 07/12/2025 11:09

I can understand why people think it’s not a thing, it wasn’t at the second primary my child attended. It very much was at her first though!

But I think that’s just ‘put a random group of people together on a regular basis and different types/ tones of interaction will come about’. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with motherhood or the school setting.

DS attended two primaries in two countries. One I experienced as unfriendly, despite being socially confident and happy to talk to anyone around me. The other was notably friendly, despite far more parents working FT and being in a hurry, and I made some friendsI’ve remained close to there.

I think the difference probably came down to location — the school I experienced as unfriendly was in a village where everyone knew one another and outsiders were rare. The ‘friendlier’ school was in a city centre, with lots of international kids and kids who’d immigrated with their parents, and a bigger mix of people and openness to new faces.

Scottishskifun · 07/12/2025 11:54

DS1s school is a bit of a mixed bag most parents are nice and friendly enough but there is a small group who do make snide comments.

I've been on the receiving end a few times mostly little comments about me working or feeling sorry for my DH as he does more drop offs then I do.

One woman did try hitting on DH when he pointed out he was happily married she replied with well your wife clearly takes advantage of you I would never treat a man like that! DH pointed out he wasn't and he's simply being a parent. She has given both of us a wide berth since!

GrannyTeapot · 11/12/2025 06:44

I’ve been a parent of primary school children over a thirty year period, and by far the worst school-gate behaviour has been in the last decade. All it takes is one deeply unpleasant woman who delights in meanness…here it started with a new-to-the-village Mum going on a walk when invited by another Mum/child in early Covid and the nasty woman taking umbrage that her daughter had been ‘left out’. The new Mum has been blanked ever since, her children blanked, really nasty rumours/lies spread about her…she doesn’t want to be forced in to leaving but the level of nastiness has been so bad the police even went to warn the nasty woman, and others, to stop harassing her!

ThisLittlePony · 11/12/2025 06:49

Leopardsandcheetahsarefast · 07/12/2025 10:01

To be fair I never really got involved. We are wearing better clothes than you? I would raise an eyebrow and not say anything.

This! They actually stopped their conversation to say that? I’d be concerned about their mental health!

80smonster · 11/12/2025 07:13

There are cunts in all walks of life. It’s not specific to schools or women. Some parents are incredibly childish, always assumed that’s an intelligence/education barrier and unrelated to me.

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