Our son had been strangled at school

[VeryFrustratedMum]

Our son is 7y old, he is a very calm, kind and respectful boy, but have been targeted by another child since reception. My first concerning emails with the head started in January but my first concern with our son's class teacher was raised in October last year. All the school is doing is removing the child from class for a couple of days and from the playground, and then there is a quiet period sometimes a month sometimes a week and we are back to emails and calls. The other child is very impulsive and unpredictable and accidents happen during lessons, carpet time, playground etc. Just to give a few examples of what is happening - squeezing hands, cheeks, slapping across the face, punching our son in the stomach, throwing things at our son…it's relentless. The child is not SEN, they have no boundaries, very clever but very manipulative. Last week I had enough when they tried to strangle our son and requested The child be put into another class as we don't feel safe sending our son to school. The reply was it was not possible. It's a two-form school and we know there a spaces to fill in in both classes. I have again requested a face-to-face meeting and finally, I have one tomorrow. What should I be focusing on during the meeting, I want to be well prepared - I have printed out all
Our emails, behaviour school policy, also I Am taking a family friend for support. Please help.

@VeryFrustratedMum that doesn’t mean no SEN. School might be trying to get funding, so actually can’t afford a TA at the moment. Very few pupils have constant 1:1 any more. Taking pupils out of class for intervention work doesn’t also happen, preferred to be in class with teacher. Time out with DH/HT maybe intervention

Having SEN makes no difference. This is about your child being targeted and not the circumstances of the other child. Even if there is SEN your child still deserves to BE and FEEL safe. You don’t have to accept that there are things going on with the other child, it’s irrelevant to the steps they should be taking to protect your child.

Whether the child is SEND or not has no bearing on the child's safety.
They need to do a risk assessment and decide how to mitigate these risks.

We do not know the background or if there are other incidents. Referrals are in place, he is at risk of exclusion, and he is already at or beyond the threshold.

We have children who are refused places at SEND units because their needs are too severe and are then passed back to mainstream without any additional funding. It does cause a problem and sometimes you are left to manage behaviour while the LA has no other options. We do a RA and manage as best we can, knowing we also can not cater for that child's needs and are likely to be forced into an Exclusion.

Sometimes you do all you can and still a child suddenly without any trigger attacks a child. If other children have been attacked, they may not be able to move the child. If there are more vulnerable children in the other class, which you would not be aware of, you might be left with a child in the Head teacher's room for large spells.

Have the conversation with the Head. See what they offer if you are not happy they may welcome a complaint to aid movement to a more appropriate setting.

It sounds odd they may welcome a complaint but when the LA are not providing any alternatives any additional ammo may help.

Some children are not funded, and you have to wait a year or more for any money. This impacts what you can offer others, as funding is diluted.
I have no idea about your school, but any new in-year starters and appeals can have a massive knock-on effect when you get nothing for them. Sadly, sometimes schools' hands are not just tied but handcuffed.

Just resolve it by moving your child.

The school is clearly not protecting him.

Don't waste more time.

Only focus on your child, his protection and needs. You’ll easily be derailed and your concerns lessened if you disgress to the other child. I know, it’s infuriating and frustrating as your child isn’t the problem.

The phrases you want are

• duty of care
• safeguarding
• anti-bullying policy

What does the school propose long-term and does it satisfy you? Don’t accept wish-washy answers. Make sure their action plan is in writing and has a follow up when you can again express your dissatisfaction if necessary. If this is the case I’d approach governors.

(As a retired teacher I had a colleague who used to encourage parents to complain until the head acted. Your son’s school has places in both classes so isn’t oversubscribed. I’ll leave that idea with you…)

(As a parent when this happened to my son - the bully had a group against my single child, but no staff noticed - I approached the parents individually and stated that if they didn’t speak to their children I’d have every incident noted on their child’s personal record. They didn’t want that so it stopped.)

If you want to stay at this school, the best you can hope for is to move your child to the other class. It shouldn't be that the innocent party is further punished, but that's the way it goes.

Moving your child may not help. Many schools have the issues highlighted by @cabbageking

So any positive suggestion @crumblingschools ? Sounds quite defeatist, 0p and dc should just accept this violence and of course never mention it? The other child's needs are precedent?

@DoreenonTill8 I am just highlighting the state and challenges our schools are facing. I would be asking all parents to be writing to their MPs to complain about the level of funding, especially for SEN.

I referred to the post by @cabbageking which gives good advice.

Well, I wouldn't use the term "accidents" to describe what's happening, for a start OP. It's bullying and these are physical assaults. They're also escalating in severity, as the child gets away with more and more. I can't comment on the school but sign your own child up for judo classes so he can learn to defend himself. Once the brat has been laid on the floor a few times, having failed to even land a punch, he'll soon fuck off and bother someone else.

I'd report it to the police too. IDGAF what happens to the other child as a result or whether they have SEN, they need to learn they can't go around slapping, punching and strangling people. If they're incapable of learning that, they need locking up.

The child is being assaulted at school and they are not dealing with it. They are failing in their safeguarding and duty of care towards the OP's dc.

The threat of involving the police might give the school the impetus they need to take it seriously and deal with the issue properly.

This. Wonder if there would be any action by school/his parents if the next child he assaults smacks him back?

How awful. Agree with what others have said but would add the following for outcomes if they don’t do anything…..try to stay calm and speaks on facts and not on emotion (however hard).

Somethinb like “as per your policy, the NSPCA policy etc I expect that my child will be safe and not in physical or mental danger at school. As this has not been the case based on all of the evidence I have provided including your emails and phone calls and you are unwilling to address this seriously I will have no choice but to escalate this situation and take this further. Maybe the. Say something about board of governors, ousted, council and police.

I am definitely not one of those mums that run into the school over every little thing, but my kid was seriously targeted a bit like yours and it was handled brilliantly so I didn’t have to did this. However there was an instance with a parent who I had on video shouting abuse at me (totally unresponabke behaviour, many witnesses agreed with me, I didn’t start it etc). Anyway, I sent the video to the school given this woman’s horrific language in front of children and they said okay thanks for letting us go. I said I was fine if they were unwilling to help and I was happy to go to the council and/or police and they then got the head involved, apologised and banned her from school grounds.

Or you can always let them know you will come to school every day to ensure safet of your child if they cant%

Yep, if even half the stuff that happens concerning bullying in schools happened in the workplace the police would be called, the aggressor would be sacked, shunned, dealt with. But with kids it’s just swept under the rug or the bully gets the sympathy because they may have issues of some type, well boohoo. I’m sad it’s still like this. Lots of kids who are attacked in schools are not necessarily living perfect lives, but they don’t take it out on others, but they are expected to just deal with it and live in fear, in front of whoever attacked them, everyday!

Many years ago my daughter along with other was being punched and kicked by a boy, the school were aware but the boy’s refused to work either school as they didn’t see a problem.
My daughter’s dad showed her how to punch back (she was 5), one lunch time in front of the dinner lady he punched my daughter who then punched him back, he never troubled her again.
I am not condoning fighting, he was a very clever child but didn’t understand how to behave around others, eventually he had to leave the school.

@crumblingschools

A child under 10 in UK is regarded as being under the age of criminal responsibility. I very much doubt if police would get involved "against the school"

Glad that worked out and I don't blame her but ime some schools seem to come down harder on those dc who do retaliate

Hope things improve for OPs ds, it's not right

I would report to the police and ss.
I would complain to the governors.
And I would be looking at other schools.

And I know you shouldn’t have to but teach your dc to hit back hard.
My dc were given a three step strategy
a) ask the dc to stop if they won’t
b) try to make them stop. if they still won’t
c) hit them as hard as you can.

You need to email, describing it, asking further a meeting. Include all the words suggested. Physical assault, strangled, bullying, safeguarding.
Can you see any marks on his neck. I'd take a picture, include that, if he does.
I'd phone the police and record assault, even if you only get a case number, then include the school and tell them you've reported to the police. They'll hate that!

The strangling at least needs to be on this child's record with the police. I know he's young but his behaviour is being left unchecked and strangling is way beyond an ordinary playground fight.

When he inevitably does something awful as a teenager, it'll help the next victim if it can't be brushed off as a one-time event due to stress, or whatever excuse they come up with. If it's on record, it all becomes part of a pattern of behaviour.

All psychopaths were children once.
Do we just stand still and allow ourselves our children to be hit.

You need to call police, OFSTED and safeguarding.

Refuse to send your son to school until they can take his safety seriously.

Don't understand what difference it makes if the other child has SEN!?!.....he should still not be hitting and abusing other children. Imagine if you were punched and strangled when you went to work. If never understood why some people think because someone has SEN issues that this gives them a pass to physically abuse others.

Id phone police

If you complain to governors you need to follow the complaints policy.