Being ignored by Head Teacher at DS school

[Camlinmagic]

Hello,

Not sure if I am in the right Topic/ Group but I need help understanding what has been happening to me is ok or not.

I always do the school pick up and drop for my 6 year old in year 1 at our local school and most days if not daily the school's Head Teacher is standing on the gate wishing everyone His Good mornings but I have noticed whenever we cross him he ignores us so much so that even if I wish him he looks away. This has happened so often that it's no longer a coincidence. And his attitude is upsetting me and bought me to tears really.
I told this to my husband this morning after it happening again and he was like "so what you should still try to wish him even if he didn't"
I am not liking this behavior especially from the Head Teacher itself and too be honest I feel discriminated. AIBU on this and should I just bear with it. How best should I handle this situation.

I'm sorry so many posters assume you must be wrong/imagining it. I'm sure you are aware of exactly what's happening and it sounds like racism. I agree about pointedly saying good morning while maintaining eye contact - maybe even start a topic of conversation such as the weather, so that he has to reply. It may be unconscious on his part, but there is absolutely no excuse. How horrible for you.

DC’s teacher does this to one or two parents. Private School too. Other things about them suggest that they are a complex personality, so it’s not just the deliberate blanking, but a whole range of things.

I don’t for a second think that you are imagining this.

Just to add, not racism in my or the other parent’s case. But I have mentioned it to the Head Teacher. Not sure what you can do when it’s the head himself though.

I'd just be pleased that the school
has a HT that stands at the gate in the morning. I honestly doubt if he even sees everyone never mind wish every single person good morning. Just leave him to get on with his job.

Thank you All for yours time and comments.

To All those who think I am imagining it... You know when you get singled out no matter what others say you absolutely know it's happening.

@Twitatwoo No absolutely not And there is more to life than sex.

@Intriguedbythis I know I am no beauty queen

He is a new Head Teacher joined the Primary school 2 year's back. And no other teacher stands near the school gate and nor did the previous Head stood so maybe his style of management is different.

Well it has happened again this morning the minute I tried to greet him that same second he just looked away I must say his timing was perfect. I have decided that No matter what I will not ruin my day thinking and feeling sad about this. I have already wasted a few by now. And I will just go on as if I didn't see him just like he doesn't see me. I know many of you have suggested to stand in front and wish him loud and clear but honestly Why force someone who doesn't want ?

I would also want to believe it is not racism but when get a different treatment from the majority what else do I say... But I want to add that most of my DS's teachers are White and all of them are lovely and his class teacher is the Best. Except for this Nut the school's great.

You’d be pleased that your child’s headteacher pointedly blanked you daily, you fear because of the colour of your - and therefore your child’s - skin??

@Kirstyshine You’d be pleased that your child’s headteacher pointedly blanked you daily, you fear because of the colour of your - and therefore your child’s - skin??

The OP doesn't know that's the reason though, does she.

She quite reasonably fears it. What evidence would you need, to convince you?

Does your child say 'Good morning Mr .....'?

My daughters headmistress has a big thing about the children making eye contact with her and saying clearly 'good morning Mrs ....' and then she will say good morning...'. With extra ' Brownie points' for them saying something extra like 'how are you' 'did you have a nice weekend'. The children are actively encouraged to converse with the adults in the school in a respectful way.Sounds silly but its really evident in the way the children conduct themselves in our village compared to the other schools children.

I would encourage your child to say a loud 'good morning Mr....' and see what happens.

I was thinking this.

This is really vanishingly unlikely to be racism. (Unless, perhaps, you're the only white mum? He might be conscious of not being seen to talk ONLY to you!) Next time, think of something to ask him.

I'm so sorry that a large chunk of the replies here imply that racism is not the number 1 reason to dislike a person of colour. If a trans person noticed the same treatment or a gay person, it wouldn't be unreasonable to suggest it was due to being trans or gay, but somehow we are still super sensitive about calling out racism. I'm sure you are experiencing racism. You need to make sure this does not affect how he treats your child at school. I definitely would not cry about it, but I understand it is a hurtful experience. Just don't give him the time of day, just like he does to you. No need to be complicit with a racist

Agree with the poster above. If it's just you he blanks, just think what a twat he is and get on with your day.

It's a different situation if racism is affecting your child.

It's crap nevertheless, and should be shameful for him, so don't take that shame into yourself. He's a twat and you're not. End of.

I also have a non white skin colour, I work in a school too. There is lots of teachers who would ignore my good morning and make a sad look on there face when I say morning to them. (they will comunicate happly with others).Also there are some lovely people out there with kind nature who accept others with love and open mind. Racism is well alive there. OP is not jumping to conclusions, you kind of know when you are getting ignored for not being white. I am not being a racist myself here by saying this as I love and respect every human being. We get all sorts in this world. People who ignore me and make me feel un welcome, I wish them happiness from my mind, so I don't keep carrying grugdes for anyone. That is my way of thinking. But everyone is different. But it is very upsetting when people don't speak to you and undermine you for who you are. Sorry to say this world is like this.

Totally agree with you.

I don't know whether he is being racist or not. But I regret that it is a possibility, and am startled by how many posters who weren't there can be so certain that it isn't racism.

Ugh, what a bastard. Could you make a point of being deep in conversation with dd at that point and not look in his direction at all?

The head teacher at DS school stands on gate for particular reason..looking out for particular families and children that they have concerns about OR parents who drive and park (badly) close to school gates OR who walk on the grass verges of the neighbouring houses (residents have complained) I know this from school governor meetings.
It may be racist behaviour, but hopefully not. If you want to be acknowledged just go for it…walk right up to him, introduce yourself, tell him how nice it is that he is on gates or ask him about a school activity etc and see if that makes a difference?
Edited to add , they are also a total DIVA and love to talk to the families who big them up (and donate a lot of time/cash to the school

I agree with this.
Our headmistress makes a particular effort with the families she knows are struggling, I think to let them know the school is there to support if needed.
And with the families who give lots of time. And to be fair, I don't think anything wrong with either if these. To give your time to those who need it most and those who support you is quite logical.

OP - are you involved with school activities? PTA, helping with reading, volunteering at school events? Would be a good way to engage. I originally thought the headmistress was a battle axe who didn't much like me, but when we had a difficult time, she couldn't have been more supportive. She is just laser eye focused on the children's well being, watching closely for any issues, and children who are not happy coming in, her main focus is the children, not the parents.

I may have missed it, but did you say whether your child proactively greets the head and whether he in turn responds? If your child does, and the head doesn't respond, then I would have some concerns.