If your school is private, do bullies get expelled

[Midnightprobs]

As the title says really. I'm assuming that the state sector is more constrained and that expulsions are very difficult to make, whereas at private, the head can just tell you to go?
At the school my dc are at, there are a small number of bullies who have been caught red handed, several times. The school seem to give them a talking to, inform their parents and that's it. There are one or two children in every year group who make loads of kids miserable on a daily basis and I am wondering why the school don't expel for this. My friend's ds was so badly bullied (age 12) and the school knew but instead of the bully leaving, the victim left voluntarily (to get away). The bully is still merrily terrorising other kids, including mine. I'm wondering if other schools tackle bullying effectively by expulsion? Or anything else effective? These bullies have been at it for four years straight. As far as I can see, they are set to grow up and bully their spouses and colleagues. Shouldn't there be a rehabilitation programme or something?

At our Prep school it really depends on who the bully is. A child favoured by the HM is likely to get away with it, a non-favoured child certainly not. Bullying usually gets dismissed as banter and the victim blamed for not being able to take a joke, and then punished and called names by the HM for complaining to parents and wasting the HM's time. For example, a non-favoured child was punished for teasing a boy, (the son of the HM's close friends), and actually told by the HM to leave him alone in future as 'he is very dear to me'. Another favourite thumped another boy on a school trip, knocking out his tooth, only to be made Head Boy very shortly after. The victim was blamed and punished, and all the boys were instructed to be nicer to the perpetrator in future - again, another son of the HM's close friends. Some favoured children have had a shock when they've moved on to senior school and suddenly not been allowed to get away with it.

No- and it should happen more.
Bullies aren't always "victims" and I would advise any students to keep a clear record of anything, snap shot social media etc. There's a lot that goes on outside of the classroom and nowhere near teachers etc. and I wish more students would report these things so they could be dealt with. I completely understand why they may not do this as I've been in similar situations.
There's also the bullying by isolation - just complete indifference and ignoring. Really awful when this happens and I wish that more schools followed through, at an SLT level, with bullying policies.

*anti - bullying policies

Speak out, your HM sounds utterly pathetic.

I have two in state and one in private. I haven't noticed a big difference but in my dd1 school (Sec modern) bullying seems to be tolerated far more.

There have been expulsions in all three schools, I couldn't give accurate statistics though.

Our Prep does of course have an anti bullying policy. However when the swanky leaflet gets sent home, quite a few of us think instantly about the HM, who is our worst bully. He bullies some of the staff, parents and children. He has been with us for 5 years now and clearly believes that he is untouchable. Governors and senior staff do know, either because they have witnessed it or their children have. But they do nothing. To me, that makes them as bad as him. The worst thing is allowing the HM to make people actually physically and mentally ill with it, and allowing the HM to make children feel bad for talking to their parents about what is troubling them - yes, he's really allowed to get away with that in 2017.

Hello no. Why would a private school want an expulsion on their reputation.

Children do get "asked to leave" though.

Hell no, I meant!

I taught in a private school and though the behaviour of most pupils was very good, there were different rules compared to the state sector. I couldn't even keep a child in at break time without repercussions from the parents and a meeting with SLT.

I went to a few schools, state and private, where nobody cared and bullying was viewed as 'character building' before ending up at a small private boarding school who were incredibly pro-active about anti-bullying. Each child starting at the school was assigned a 'big sister' in the year above whose job it was to look out for her in her time at the school. Each form had a prefect from the 6th form who took their registration every morning and was available for that hour each day for the form to chat to her about anything they wanted. Up in the boarding house they had a house mistress, a matron, school nurse and two junior house mistresses who were on hand anytime to discuss any worries or issues or fallings out.

By making sure everyone had someone they could turn to anytime, and making it everyone's job to look out for someone else, there really weren't many incidents of bullying at all. I can think of two in the entire time I was there. Both girls were expelled. (This was late 90s-early 00s)

SuperPug - yes, he is pathetic. Yet you wouldn't know it if you read our school's heavily stage managed entry in the Good School's Guide, and we appear in several 'Best Preps' lists. The irony is, our otherwise fantastic school deserves the accolades - except for the shocking behaviour of the current HM, who takes all the credit - however we don't really recognise him or his wife from the reviews.

My daughter is st a private school and any behavioural infractions are handled with urgency, the emphasis being on the well being of all students including the perpetrator. Lovely school

DS(12) is at a private school, and they take bullying very seriously, whether it's cyber bullying, or in the playground, or outwith school.

They are very strict with enforcing all of the school rules, and make the punishments very clear.

However, the school is over-subscribed. I don't know if it would be the same if they weren't full.

At our Prep school it really depends on who the bully is. A child favoured by the HM is likely to get away with it, a non-favoured child certainly not. Bullying usually gets dismissed as banter and the victim blamed for not being able to take a joke, and then punished and called names by the HM for complaining to parents and wasting the HM's time. For example, a non-favoured child was punished for teasing a boy, (the son of the HM's close friends), and actually told by the HM to leave him alone in future as 'he is very dear to me'. Another favourite thumped another boy on a school trip, knocking out his tooth, only to be made Head Boy very shortly after. The victim was blamed and punished, and all the boys were instructed to be nicer to the perpetrator in future - again, another son of the HM's close friends. Some favoured children have had a shock when they've moved on to senior school and suddenly not been allowed to get away with it.

I'm amazed you pay money to have your child in this environment.

In the 4 different private schools my children attended I never saw a child expelled for bullying but I did see bullying and other bad behaviour dealt with effectively, seriously and in a way which helped the victim be safe while ensuring the bully learned better.

the only instance I know where a child was asked to leave was where a family asked every child but one to a birthday party and they didn't invite that one because (and they explicitly told another parent this) she was the child of a same sex couple. The school apparently spoke to them and explained that their ethos and the family's values were clashing horribly and their family would feel better somewhere else.

Speak out, has anybody discussed a vote of no confidence, re: your new head?

SuperPug - Not that I am aware of. There have been many occasions since the HM arrived at the school several years ago when we have thought 'he can't survive this, surely', but he has. He (all allegedly) came to us under a cloud from his previous Prep, didn't want to leave but had to, not over bullying but over another inappropriate behaviour - but we have heard rumbles that bullying and finances were issues too. Many of us have learnt the hard way not to complain - unless you want things to actually get worse for you or your children, or you're willing to leave with a poor reference for your next job or your child's next school. He definitely holds a grudge. It pains me to say it but he also has his positives, and his fans, defenders and supporters. And as with expelling children, the OP's question, it's much to do with the outward image of an independent school, isn't it?

Expelling pupils would mean loss of revenue...so no, of course not.

DS's school certainly deals with bullying and they do suspend/expel pupils for things. I imagine it has to be very serious to expel someone.

No. My DD was bullied by a girl in her year. Everyone knew about it; all the other parents knew from their kids it was going on. Teachers totally denied it. Final irony was that the mother of this awful child was on the PTA and organised an anti bullying session to which all the kids went. Was a bit bizarre for my DD to see her there when the world and his wife knew her child was the biggest bully in town....

No in my experience if there’s a few of them they would sooner lose the fees of the victim rather than 3 or 4 sets of fees especially in our case one of the bullies was a senior staff members child.

My dd endured four years being mercilessly bullied by an older and more physically developed boy. The school merely issuing platitudes and it was only after her form tutor left we found out there was no written record of incidents. At that point we realised the school weren’t really interested in dealing with the problem, not least because members of the bully’s family were ‘old boys’.

My left my son there but when the bully turned his attention to him, and the bullying spilled out into the community we started reporting incidents to the police. It’s amazing how much of an impact that has had and I would recommend this course of action.