The school just rewarded the bully

[kingpin20]

I'll try to keep it as short as I can. Just after advice as to what you would do in this situation.
This is real by the way as you'll probably think I'm making this up when you read it.

So DS1 (age 10) was bullied all through year 5 by this kid and the school did fairly little about it. I intervened a few times and eventually it seemed to stop. A couple weeks ago however it started up again, lets call this bully AholeKid for the purpose of this story.

So AholeKid had recently asked DS's older sister out (shes 14!!) can't blame him for trying. So at school the next day DS was ribbing AholeKid about this. Lets face it, he set himself up a bit there. But I don't condone any teasing of any kind just so we're clear.

So AholeKid gets angry at DS and starts punching him. He shoved his head into a wall and hit him a few times until DS was able to get him off and DS ran off. AholeKid gave chase, caught him and starts beating on him again. DS shoved him off, a teacher came over and AholeKid ran off.

So, obviously teacher was asking what happened, gathered various child witnesses and they established that DS was teasing AholeKid and AholeKid got mad and started punching.

Following so far?

So DS had a trip to the headteacher where he was given a 'yellow card' (yellow cards can add up to red cards if given too many and mean there is a punishment of some kind) He was given it for the teasing.

But.... AholeKid got nothing. No card, no punishment, nothing. So DS got punished, missed his football game and AholeKid was out there playing and having fun and goading DS about not getting punished for beating him up.

I thought, there must be more to it than this so I went to the school the next day to find out their version. And OMG it matched my son's version exactly.

The reason they gave for only punishing DS was because (these are the teachers exact words, I recorded the convo on my phone)
AholeKid has anger management issues and DS knows this so he should not have made him angry. It was DS's fault he got beat up and he was lucky he was not left in a bloody mess on the floor as he knows what AholeKid is like!!!

Oh theres more...............

AholeKid was rewarded I kid you not - the word used was rewarded because he 'removed himself from the situation when he did, before causing DS too much damage and they wanted to reiterate to him that that was the right thing to do'

I still can't understand how I didn't knock the teachers head off. I felt like screaming are you fucking kidding me??? Not slamming my kids head into a wall in the first place is the right thing to do!

I'm still fuming.

So the fact that DS removed himself first and AholeKid gave chase apparantly stands for nothing.

I assured the teacher their method of 'reward' isn't bloody working and whats more it undermines everything we stand for as parents. We teach our kids not to hit and yet school is telling him its OK if you don't hit too much.

My DS often has said that the naughty kids at school get picked to join in loads more stuff and that he should start being naughty. I mentioned this to the lovely head teacher and she said (again I have it recorded on my phone)
' We do have to offer greater rewards to these types of children to encourage them to be good'
OMFG. I offered DS the chance to not go back to that school but he has friends there and wants to see out the rest of year 6. I have already put in an application for DS2 to move schools.

I just can't believe it. Yeah DS should not have teased, but surely hitting was much much worse. When little AholeKid has a girlfriend in a few years and she gets a bit mouthy off at him, is it ok for him to hit her then?? If he doesn't do it too much? Afterall she must know what he's like and effectively is asking for it.

What would you do? I feel so sad for my DS having had to put up with this crap for the last 2 years.

Taking it to the governers is probably a good idea, thanks, I shall do that. I am not sure the police should be involved at this stage, however if anything happens again I may call them. i didn't know age 10 and over you could get the police involved. The child is 10, same as my DS. I was considering going to the local press as I think parents should know this goes on. The school have a policy on dealing with bullying, but clearly don't follow it.

seekerseeker - maybe its the same school!

Teacher here. This does sound incredible- as in difficult to believe. I've worked in schools that are too soft on bullies but never anywhere this is remotely likely.

Assuming it's true (as in witnesses or injuries, there is proof): REPORT IT TO THE POLICE. This is the only solution, and I would be looking to move schools.

Document everything, and whatever the outcome send a factual, calm letter to Ofsted with all the evidence.

I wouldn't go the press, at least not until you followed the official channels. Ie. Governors. If you go the press, you may look like the parent who believes their child can do know wrong, especially as your dc started the teasing (although that doesn't justify bully's actions).

I'd contact Police re your DS being assaulted. If the school are ineffectual I wouldn't be leaving it to them to sort out.

I'm with RandomDent. I teach in a secondary school for boys with social, emotional and mental health problems. Approaches like those outlined in the OP will make sure we continue to have a healthy crop of kids in year 7 every September and more arriving throughout the year as they get excluded due to mainstream secondaries (on the whole) putting up with less shit than primaries. The sad fact is the later we get these students the harder it is to deprogram the "I have anger management [sic], it's ok for me to hit/kick/punch someone once/twice/etc"
I understand how your son feels but I think he should leave asap. I would also inform the governors and police. Also Ofsted (if applicable).

I would definitely get the police and the governors involved NOW. Please don't wait for your DS (or some other poor soul) to get beaten up again before taking this further.

I agree, take this to the governors. One tip: ask how the governors' panel will be selected. HTs are notorious for choosing their mates who will agree with them. There should be a transparent process, like first three alphabetically. The process should be agreed and documented somewhere.

Why would you go to the press? The police and governors are the way forward. The boy needs clear boundaries

The police would most likely have a chat with him if anything. Nothing major would happen

Governors it is then! I shall look into that. The recording I have of the conversation with the teacher should help (although she didn't know I was recording so not sure how legal it is! I only recorded it because I had just spoken to another teacher before who confirmed what my DS had told me and seemed to think that was totally acceptable). To be honest without that, the whole thing just seems totally unbelievable.

I know that if someone told me this about their child, I would be thinking yeah right, must be way more to it than that.

Please be careful who you discuss this with out of school (eg other parents) after several 'accidental' pushing /shoving - dd had her eye poked with a pencil and needed daily hospital appointments for ten days - I was pulled in by school for telling another parent (a friend of mine) who told the boys df - ( dm hadn't told him ) as he had problems at home I shouldn't be telling people!!

Report it to the police. The only thing that stopped the bullying of my son (13) was police being involved.
Utter bollocks about anger issues-I'm angry on your behalf!

I worked in a school as an LSA that was exactly like this. It was in south London and had a lot of kids with nehavioiral issues but they were so soft and gave the kids awards and privileges for any behaviour that wasn't awful. I couldn't hack it in the end; it wasn't right and well behaved kids suffered.

Kingpin20
I'm in south London

1. Make a formal complaint to Governors (your school should have a policy on how to do this and timescales involved etc. Ask at the office if it's not available from their website.
2. Report it to the Police.
3. Make a formal complaint to Ofsted.
4. Is it an academy? If not-if it's Local Authority maintained-complain to the LA too, although they may refer back to Governors it's still worth flagging it with them.

The school will have a community police - they don't criminalize children - but are there to offer advise and are a valuable service - the come and talk to the kids - things like stealing sweets from the shop - anti social bahvior -

Ring school or police station and ask who it is - they are there for a reason - use them

OH - and read the complaints procedure -

Ask DS to write down his version - date it

You write yours - sign and date

Email governors - quote the complaints procedure and behavior policy - I.E. according to X policy Y should be sanction for z behavior - X condition should be applied blah

With recordings. .it might be illegal..but obce it exists its perfectly legitimate for it to be considered. The University of Warwick is to thank for setting the precedent..the illegally recorded and set up a former staff member, but the judge said the evidence was still admissable even if obtained illegally.

This is awful. I hope the governers see sense

Thank you everyone, I will let you know how it goes :)