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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Really had it.What shall I do?

38 replies

notthatdeep · 01/12/2015 18:19

DS3(12) has been getting bullied for quite a while now.He is in year 7 now, but has been getting bullied since he was in year 4. He never has had friends, but he just got on. However, in year 4 he became close with a whole group of boys, they were friends for quite a couple of months then all of a sudden after the Easter break, they all ganged up on DS and that's when the bullying started.
DS didn't tell us about this until the summer time as it gradually got worse even in holidays.

The bullying became less in year 5, but became worse again in year 6.We were going to move DS school,but decided not to as it was only 1 year left in that school anyway. I had thought DS would make friends and the bullies would fucking leave him alone after starting secondary - I thought wrong.

The bullies won't leave DS alone. He is severely depressed, and is taking anti depressants however it isn't really making much of a difference. I can't remember the last time he smiled . Me and DH pulled DS3 out of school a couple of weeks back, and he went back after half term, but it really brought nothing else. The boys are still bullying him.

Today was the last straw. DS3 took DD(6) to the park after school, and saw the bullies. He didn't do anything, and just carried on playing with the other DC.The bullies approached him,and started verbally abusing him and then started to get physical. DS3 tried to hit back but there was a lot of them, and only one of him. He came home with blood on the side of his face, and his nose bleeding. DD is really afraid, and keeps talking about the boys. I really don't know what to do anymore, I hate seeing poor DS like this .
Any advice I would really be grateful for!

OP posts:

Original poster

notthatdeep · 01/12/2015 18:47

toffeelatte - I have asked him whether they banged his head etc, and he said he doesn't really know as he blanked out. Will check him out later again just in case, and keep an extra eye on him. I have already tooken pictures of the bruising for evidence.

OP posts:

traviata · 01/12/2015 18:53

The school has to have a policy on bullying. Check their website. Go through the policy line by line, and compare what they have done with what they should have done.

Write a list of points. Send them to the Head and to the Chair of Governors before you go in tomorrow, so there is something in writing already. Ask for a meeting urgently. Take someone with you to the meeting (eg both you and DH) so that one person can talk and the other can take notes.

Put it in writing that you will be keeping DS at home until you have a satisfactory answer about how the school will keep him safe.

I hope you get a good outcome very soon.

Original poster

notthatdeep · 01/12/2015 18:55

traviata - Thank you. Really good advice there . I will definitely do that.

OP posts:

SugarPlumTree · 01/12/2015 19:08

Agree with Triavata. I have had a bullying situation with my DS at the moment who is same age but it's not been as bad. Had a meeting yesterday and having already sent something in really helped as we all knew exactly what we were discussing bad I got the outcome I asked for.

From now on anything you say verbally send an email outlining what you discussed afterwards, keep thinking paper trail .

Micah · 01/12/2015 19:09

Ime, bullying happens in schools where it is allowed to happen.

Many schools turn a blind eye- if they can't see it, there's no bullying in their school.

I'd follow the recommendations of previous posters, but I don't think I'd be sending my child back to such a toxic environment. Take him out, get him well and happy.

Can you look into online schooling or something in the meantime until you get a new school and his health sorted out?

Original poster

notthatdeep · 01/12/2015 19:15

I don't know what online schooling is lol. I was thinking of home schooling him in the meantime.

OP posts:

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 01/12/2015 19:17

Bullying policy is usually crap. Look at the complaints procedure as well. And the behaviour policy.
Refer to these in any emails.
Some schools are crap.

Original poster

notthatdeep · 01/12/2015 19:20

Their ofsted report for teaching was quite good - hence the reason we sent all our DC there . I will check out their reports for behavior etc in detail once the DC are in bed. Need all I can for tomorrow, going to do this

OP posts:

Toffeelatteplease · 01/12/2015 19:55

Online schooling is what you may be entitled to if DS's medical needs mean he is too ill for school and persist for a period of time . Otherwise you may get a (very part time) tutor. One of the reasons you need cahms to sign him off as opposed to you pulling him out. You just pull him out, LEA say your responsibility you did it. Worse case scenario it gets messy with truancy issues muddying the water.

Catzpyjamas · 01/12/2015 20:04

A friend moved her DS 5 months before the end of primary school because of a very similar situation. The difference in her DS was amazing. He quickly made friends, became a happier child and his grades improved immediately. He also went from being sullen and disrespectful to being a pleasure to be with, IMHO.
She worried about moving him so close to the end of his primary school education but it was definitely the best thing she could have done. He is now at the same secondary as the children from his original primary but has a great group of friends and the bullies leave him well alone.

SugarPlumTree · 03/12/2015 16:12

How is DS nothatdeep?

momtothree · 27/04/2016 00:02

How is your DS now?

Tamarandave · 15/05/2016 15:32

I am so sorry to hear about the trouble your son is having.
However I am not going to beat about the bush. He depends on you to protect him and ensure that he is not harmed or damaged. From the sound of it you have left it rather too late to pull him out of a harmful situation. You should do so now without any delay. There is no value in education if a person's self esteem, self confidence and mental state has been damaged. To have a 12 year old on anti-depressants is an indication that he has already been permanently damaged by bullying and may be further damaged by taking antidepressants or become dependant on them to function.

You have tried your best to get the school to act properly, they have failed. Forget the LEA, the MP the Police etc. Your son is better off at home where he may miss a bit of eduction, but at least wont be damaged further. The longer a child is subject to this type of bullying, the harder it is to recover later in life. The positive is he is till young enough to be able to turn things around at the right school or via home study and fullfil a good part of his potential.

Make sure that home life is fun and free from anger but full of responsibility. Giving a child responsibility and chores may not be the fashion but it builds self worth very well .

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