Year 3 DD being bullied by Year 6 boy.

[TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee]

DD was 7 in July and has just gone into Y3. She's a tiny child (slightly premature) quiet, shy, anxious, gentle. She's not been herself the last few weeks and last Wednesday I heard her sobbing in her bed when I went to the toilet at 9:30pm. Muffled sobbing. I went in and got in bed for a cuddle, she was shaking and really sobbing, took me a good hour to coax it out of her.

Year 6 boy has been following her, staring at her, creeping up on her, shoving her, screeching in her face, throwing things at her during break and lunch times. How the fuck the supervising staff haven't noticed is beyond me - its 1 class per year and no more than 30 children per class, with Y3-6 sharing a playground.

ExDP and I immediately went to see the Deputy Head the following morning. He assured us he would have words with this boy, check on DD after each play time and ask staff to keep an eye out. DDs teacher was horrified and said she'd keep a close watch.

It also transpires this boy lives on our street (its more like a square) although I don't allow DD to "play out" so that's neither here nor there. I've never seen this boys parents at school so have no idea who they are/what they are like.

The boy hasn't approached DD since BUT has continued following her and staring at her. DDs friends, bless them, have "guarded" her, but why the fuck should they have to?! DD has been in tears tonight about school tomorrow and ExDP says she's been wonky all weekend (he has them Fri-Sun EOW) so I said after we drop younger DD off that me and her will go talk to the Deputy Head again.

What do I say this time?! To me, bullies follow to wait for an opportune moment to pounce. Or at least, the bitch who bullied me for 5 years liked to do that. Whats the next step? Do I have a right to know if they've laid any punishment down and what they plan to do next? For context I'm 23 weeks pregnant and suffer anxiety/depression, so I'm never quite sure if I'm handling things right. What I'd like to do is Hulk out and kick off, but instead I'll scream into a pillow and be nice but firm with Deputy Head tomorrow.

Any advice would be wonderful.

You need a list of how this is effecting DD
She cries, upset, reluctant, etc....
Praise her friends for trying to help.
Look up the behaviour policy, bullying policy AND complaints procedure ... you may not want to take it further BUT its good reading.

Try to ensure that you say that you want to make a formal complaint (if you do!) that they are failing in their 'Duty of Care' to your dd - I think that is the 'official' term that they have to kick into gear about. Whereas if you just say that they aren't making sure that your dd is safe they can fudge around the issue and deem it to be less serious.

I'd also make sure that I took notes (or recorded the meeting if they'll let you so you have an accurate record - hopefully you should have something on your phone that will let you do it easily). If they try to rush you, just say that they need to hold on while you summarise what has been discussed - as you have a number of points, try to ensure that you do it after each point, marking up any action points as you go. Then summarise back to them again from your notes at the end of the meeting to confirm that they agree with what has been agreed previously and then send it all to them in an email so that there's a documented paper trail. Important that you get to document it so that it is your impression of the meeting - you don't want them to do it and present a biased view when obviously you want to make sure that it contains all the relevant info and they can't wriggle out of saying they forgot something or didn't agree something when they did!

Good luck!

Good luck OP. Try to remain calm and logical. X

Good luck OP. You need to make notes of all of your meetings and incidents. Tell them today you have done so and will be writing to the head of governors if this is not resolved.

Good luck for your meeting. I have no idea how schools get away with such incompetence, it would never happen at a work place.

How was the meeting op?

It went well, I think!

They couldn't tell me much about the boy, but they did say he has problems with social boundaries, doesn't understand that people can say "no" to being his friend at that they are allowed to say no, has form for trying to form inappropriate friendships and then gets aggressive when rejected etc. They are working with him on that (for some time, apparently) and have taken it up a notch this week.

They've allocated a dinner lady to keep an eye on him and make sure he stays away from DD.

They've also allocated a dinner lady to keep an eye on DD, that she can go to if she has any problems and have assured me she will be allowed inside at any point during break or lunch time to speak to her teacher or support worker.

SW said she's already spoken to the dinner ladies twice about this and will be having Stern Words today and again on the first day back in November.

DD will be given a little diary when term starts again that she can draw a sad or a smiley face in after each break/lunch time and write down anything that's happened that's made her sad or happy, which will be looked at by her teacher and passed on to the SW if any problems arise - this will work really well for DD as she's far better at writing things down than actually speaking up about her feelings (we did a similar thing 3 years ago when her DFather and I split up and it really helped her)

I explained all this to DD when I got home (except the part about the boys behaviour issues, not sure she'd understand) and she said "That makes me feel safe, can I go back after the holidays?"

Fingers crossed it actually works...

That sounds really positive. Well done you.

If I were you I would put all that into an email or letter and send it back to them so there's a record of what's been agreed. Also suggest a review meeting about a fortnight after half term.

Your DD sounds lovely

Well done op I really hope this works out for you and your dd.

How has this term been?