Am I wrong to use a dummy?

[Jane7]

I've got a very sucky 7 week old baby. I think he may have reflux as he cries a lot after feeds and possets an awful lot as well. I've been brought up to be anti dummies but I bought him one today and he is so happy with it in his mouth, sucking awway. in the evenings, before now he's wanted to nurse all night to soothe himself with sucking, now he's got a dummy i'm pleased that he can suck and be soothed without taking in so much milk, but i'm also nervous about dummy use. i don't want to give him the dummy when he might be hungry. It's just that i don't think he sucks because he's hungry in the evening but because he wants comfort and his reflux causes him discomfort. Anyone got any advice for me. I'd love to know people's thoughts on dummies. Will he become reliant on a dummy to soothe himself if I start using one now?

I was a bit ambivalent about dummies until I had dd1 and we gave her one at about 3 weeks. Fabulous. Saved my life on many an occassion! She had colic in the evenings and it really helped her calm down. A cranial osteopath reassured me that they are not the devil's work and they can help to relieve compression caused by a difficult birth and so on. Whatever the reason, it worked! I think the problem comes when people use them thoughtlessly and just leave them in all the time. All things in moderation! DD2 showed no interest in a dummy so each to their own I guess.

Do what you have to - DS1 Had a dummy but I made sure he only had it at nap time and bed time (along with his comfort blanket!), At age 4 the dummy fairy took all his dummies away and left him a fab Batman outfit and he never mentioned having one again! DD2 never needed one - all children seem to be different and have different needs. I think if he is hungry he will let you know and certainly wouldn't be happy with just a dummy!

I used a dummy for ds from about 3 weeks. He was ff btw. He spat it out at 4 mths and never looked for one again.
Most of my bf friends used them too quite successfully and it gave their poor nipples a rest, lol.
I wish I'd used one when I'd been struggling with bf - might have helped a bit, I don't know?

I agree about restricting their use though. At this young age, it is not an issue, but older babies should probably only have them when they are tired.

I agree with you nickytwotimes I failed miserably with breastfeeding because my nipples were so terribly sore from all the sucking. If I'd have used a dummy earlier I might have managed bf a bit longer too!

Don't beat yourself up about it. I was the same and became a dummy convert. If it makes you happy and makes your ds happy, what's the problem.

I was also a bit anti-dummy but my dd had one from around 3 weeks and still has it at bedtime now (now 18m). I BF her til she was 8 months or so. My ds never had one but he sucks on a teddy (still now at 3.3) to go to sleep. Keeping dummy clean is much easier!!! I would NEVER let my dd walk round with it and talk with it in tho!

Dummies are not the work of Satan despite hearing otherwise from my healthcare professional. My two both had them and oddly enough, they don't any more.

I don't understand why people are against dummies. What exactly is the problem with them? I don't mean this confrontationally. My first two didn't like them but they have been a godsend with my 3rd, who also has reflux.

It seems to me they are far easier to get rid of eventually than a thumb. So what's wrong with them?

i've always thought they won't be using them at 16 so if needs must use them - you can throw a dummy away but can't throw a thumb away if they suck on that.

DP didn't want me to give ds a dummy, but I could see him constantly doing that sucking thing. It's a natural reflex for them and I felt it was worse to not give him that comfortor when he was showing signs of wanting/needing it. He's now 15m and don't know when/how I'm gonna get it off him!
Aren't they recommended now to use when putting babies to bed?
I wouldn't worry about it, you do what you've got to do and if it gives you a break and some peace, great.

Actually the latest is that they prevent cotdeath so by no means satanic!
However, I just think thumbs are cuter than dummies so have held out for that with all mine. Shallow, moi? I'm also too scatty to keep dummies clean and not-lost.

dummies can interfere with breastfeeding because babies will suckle more (lots!) to stimulate more production of milk as they grow.

evenings/nights is when babies do the 'cluster feeding' to achieve this so a dummy given then may lead to a real problem with your milk supply.

My DS was exactly like yours Jane7. I have never liked dummies, but he was also very 'sucky' and we thought he had mild reflux so we gave him one (I think by about 4 or 5 weeks). It was a godsend and helped us to establish a bedtime as it really helped him get settled in the evenings. We didn't let him have it too much - mainly in the evening or when he was tired during the day. By 6 months he had it only occasionally and I think by about a year we had got rid of it altogether. He did love it and would have had it much more if we had let him, but I didn't want him to have it when he was walking and learning to talk.

By 7 weeks feeding is well established and I think a baby who is hungry will not keep one in. In fact, we tried to give one to our DD and she was just not interested at all (prefers her thumb!). So I really think they suit some babies and it almost seems cruel to deny a baby something that gives them so much comfort.

fadingfast i am pretty sure that milk supply isn't established at 7 weeks, all those famous growth spurts at 12w, 18w etc are still to come.

ds got hold of a dummy at 2yo and was completely obsessed, but gave it up readily enough with some small bribery. was v useful on long car journeys but it did have a rather odd tranquilising effect.

thanks so much for all these views, lots to think about. i think we shall try to use the dummy judiciously and since we seem to manage to get ds to sleep at night without one, we won't use one then. it's mainly in the day and early evenings when he's crying inconsolably even though i have literally just fed him...funny thing is i'm embarrassed to have to resort to one. when i go out to meet mum friends, i think i'll feel sligthly ashamed that i have to stick a plastic teat in my baby's mouth to manage him. feels like some kind of failing as a mum which i know is silly.

People have said to me "take that dummy out" and it did get to me at first as I felt like they were insulting my parenting skills and decisions but at the end of the day it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, I give him a dummy because it keeps him happy.

We used a dummy from 4 weeks -16weeks (mix fed). It saved my life! DD is/was a very sucky baby. However, we got rid of it at 16 wks as she was waking up all the time looking for it. She sucks her fingers now! I would have let her keep it until she was 30 if it had not disturbed her sleep.

Wow this could be me!

I hate dummies mostly because I really dislike seeing toddlers walking around with them in their mouths.

However, my DS is now 6 weeks old and I have had to give in and get a dummy. He can self settle no problems but in the evening he gets quite fractious. He isnt hungry but will happily go on and off the boob for ages. Ouch. So now we will give him the dummy to help him calm down. He doesnt really like it at night. He will keep it in for a few moments then spits it out.
It has helped cut down his night feeds as well. He was waking at 2.30-3.30 for what I assumed to be feeds but would noot feed well. So now I pop the dummy in and he goes back to sleep. Yipee more sleep for me

Hope that helps a little bit.

pudding25 - that good to hear that it's possible to get rid of a dummy at four months. i'm worried my ds is going to be stuck with it, totally reliant on it, until he's a toddler. i'm also worried that it's going to make the sucky thing worse and once i give him a dummy, he really will suck to comfort himself whereas maybe without one it is something i could stop.
ronshar - thanks for sharing your situation, very similar, it's amazing what you'll do for a bit of kip isn't it?
i think psychologically the dummy has been great for me as just knowing i have it, as a last option, if i can't comfort him another way, is very reassuring for me. does anyone know what i mean?

We used a dummy with our lo from 3 weeks, and he was exclusively breastfed until 7 months. I felt so so guilty the first time I put a dummy in his mouth, and I couldn't really work out why I felt so bad! I realised it was a ridiculous hangover from my mother's days as a parent, and all their anti-dummy opinions... anyway, the dummy has saved our sanity on many many occasions. We are careful not to overuse it, mostly it's for night times and sometimes when we're out and about and he's having trouble getting himself off to sleep. I think they're great, and I'm sure you'll get over your unease about using them once you see how useful they are!

I disagree fishie, once your baby's past those early days I don't think dummies are problematic for milk supply as long as you're careful.

My son was exclusively BF until 6 months and I'm still feeding him at nearly a year and he had a dummy from about 4 weeks.

He was really colicky, windy and difficult and it was an absolute godsend. In fact I'm convinced the pain in his tummy made him suck for comfort when he didn't need milk and consequently he would get more windy from drinking more than he actually wanted.

IME if a baby wants food, they won't be satisfied with a dummy, they'll look for milk because they understand that although they're sucking, they're not being sated. I have never ever had any supply problems and I think that as long as you don't introduce them straight away they shouldn't interfere with breastfeeding.

I was really anti-dummy pre-parenthood but 1. They work and 2. They are proven to help prevent SIDS.

I am a nursery nurse and have recommended parents not to use dummies. Now I have a baby of my own, I really see the value. My little one can get very frustrated in the evening and after trying 1001 different things,a dummy does calm her. I have felt extremely guilty using the dummy in company. Why do we feel we have to explain ourselves so much? We should have more confidence in our own decisions!

Be a bit careful. The 'cluster' feeding in the evening is completely normal, and it is actually really important for your milk supply! Plus for his growth too. I would use a dummy when you are absolutely sure he does not need anymore milk.

He is at prime growth spurt age too! He may be feeding loads because he is growing loads, so therefore NEDDS more food! Your milk supply will catch up and everything will settle down during the rest of the day after a couple of days if you feed him more.

Evenings usually get gradually better and by 12 weeks or so fractiousness is gone completely.

Haven't read all the replies, but just wanted to say that both my (exclusively bf) DDs had dummies. DD1 seemed to scream non stop in the early days and I had no idea what to do, and although I had always thought dummies were unforgiveable horrendous things, when DH went and bought one from the chemist when she was about 10 days old and we put in in her mouth it was like a miracle - she stopped crying - wow!!! Interestingly I never had the slightst difficulty in telling when she needed a feed. She made it quite obvious, spitting the dummy out and crying. She just LOVED sucking and wanted to do it all the time.

When she hit about 4 months she started sucking her thumb and the dummy was shoved out and forgotten about. She's now nearly 4 yrs and the thumb still drives me utterly mad, although I have just aout persuaded her to stop sucking all day every day. I think some little ones are just more sucky than others.

With DD2 I introduced a dummy when I was home from hospital (about 4 days old), i found it really useful to help settle her for naps etc, but she was never obsessed by it like DD1 was. She too started thumb sucking (aarrrggghhhh!) at about 3 or 4 months, so again the dummy was forgotten about, but she doesn't suck her thumb with the same intensity as DD1 - just when she's tired and going to bed. So what I'm trying to say is that some babies (DD1) just LOVE sucking and the dummy can be a godsend in the early days, and some (DD2) are not so interested. If it helps you - USE IT!!!!