Breastfeeding 6 days - no break, this is hell

[sofasofachair851]

Naive ftm here. I’m very lucky my milk has come in and baby can latch etc. I can’t get more than 2 hours rest because of constant feeding. Obviously no one in the family can help with this. I’m sleep deprived - obviously- but the fact people have to give her back to me every time I try and lie down is miserable for everyone.

What should I do? Grin and bear this for however many months it takes for them to get into a routine? Is pumping going to help so that I can leave them with my partner/family for at least some time? Give up and use formula? I don’t see how this is sustainable.

I’m also terrified of going outside and they needs a feed- I’m all for others publically breastfeeding but I would be too embarrassed. Sorry but it’s just the way I currently feel.

thanks for anyone’s help/words of wisdom

Oh your poor thing - didn't want to read and run! I'm about to have my first baby so haven't got any lived experience but I'm sure you're not alone in this and I this very thought about even trying to breastfeed!

Firstly - it's amazing that you're 6 days in! Secondly, happy mum, happy baby. What's best for baby is they have a well rested mum (well, as much as possible with a newborn) at the moment. Either way, baby will be fed! So pump if you're happy to do so, so that someone else can feed baby in a bottle or switch to formula if you want to have that interrupted time so you can rest or feel more confident feeding in public - or do a bit of all of the above!!

Do whatever you need to get that break & be more well rested for your baby and feel more confident 💗

Firstly congratulations on the safe arrival of your bundle of joy!

You're literally only a few days in so give your self a break.

These early weeks are all about feeding and it does get much easier so you're not looking at months of your life being like this.

As for venturing out into the big bad world, what's the rush?

It is so hard, isn't it, OP. I thought I was prepared for DC1 but I don't think anything can actually prepare you for the relentlessness of the first couple of weeks. Is your DC going for 2 hours from the end of one feed until the start of another or are you having to start a new feed every two hours and so spending quite a chunk of that period trying to get them to stay on the breast and have a good feed?
The only tips really are to try a dummy or a bottle or both. Some people introduce mix feeding at this stage and do manage to go back to just breast feeding further down the line whilst others continue with mix feeding and, for others, it's the beginning of the transition to full bottle feeding. There is no right way of doing it. Yes, breastmilk is the best form of nutrition for your baby but it isn't all about nutrition - your physical and mental health is vital and she will still get fed and thrive on formula.
Neither of our DC ever took a bottle of a dummy but DH did spend time trying to persuade them to whilst I got some precious sleep and only when he felt he couldn't prolong it any longer would he bring the baby to me for a feed. My parents came to stay in the early stages too and would take the baby for a walk in the pram so that, even if she started crying, I couldn't hear it and could get some more sleep. In neither of these cases was DD being starved or neglected. We were just prioritising my sleep over the instant satisfaction of her needs. Ideally, we would have been able to do both but, occasionally, I had to come first.
There were still times where DH would bring DD to me and I'd just think "noooo, not yet, not again" but I knew he'd done his best to pacify her and that, as she wouldn't take a bottle, I just had to get on with it. I spent a lot of time on the sofa or in bed semi dozing and feeding whilst DH or one of my parents kept an eye on things and did things like tickle DD's feet to keep her feeding but also made sure she was in a safe position,
It does get better. But it is utter hell ... DD is now 15 and I still vividly remember the utter exhaustion and am now the first to offer help to anyone with a new born even if I scarcely know them

Breastfeeding is tiring business, as I know from my own experience. Have you considered alternative feeding methods? Remember, you don’t have to exhaust yourself; there are other options available. How about expressing milk and giving it to your baby in a bottle? I found expressing wasn't as hard on my breasts, and it allows someone else to help with feeding. Even if you decide to continue breastfeeding, trust me, it will get easier. However, if you choose to stop, this doesn’t mean you have failed.
If you're just super tired from breastfeeding and not actually ill, I would recommend oat cookies or bars. When I was breastfeeding, these really helped keep me going. I'm not sure why, but my health visitor recommended them, and they did give me a little boost when I felt drained from feeding.

Ok firstly let's acknowledge that you are in the absolute trenches of newborn misery right now. Your body has been through the mill to put it lightly. And your hormones are all over the place. Day 6 is common for baby blues to kick in, definitely when I felt huge overwhelm and sense of gloom and despair. 6 days and nights is long enough to be so sleep deprived and exhausted but also incredibly early days and nowhere near the point of settling into a routine or feeling capable yet. However, that time will come and it won't take months as you fear. The feeding frequency settles down in a matter of weeks, other than perhaps during growth spurts in early months.

Try not to catastrophise about the future and just focus on getting through one day at a time. Or one feed at a time. You say family can't help but please make sure that they are doing as much as possible to take all the other tasks off your shoulders. In an ideal world you just have one job - breastfeeding. So eat meals made by other people, drink lots of fluids, feed your baby, rest, have the occasional wash. My mum said stay in bed for first two weeks so you're not tempted to unload the dishwasher or make your own cup of tea!

Some other practical things - some babies feed more if the latch isn't quite spot on, because they're not getting the milk as efficiently, so get that checked if not already done so.

Also, practise feeding lying down, because when you and the baby get the hang of that it's a game changer for your ability to rest and doze together (observing safe sleep advice).

But mainly just cut yourself some slack as Day 6 is brutal for most of us. This will get better. And of course the other feeding options remain open to you whenever you feel it's time to try switching things up. You're doing a good job mum.

I wouldn’t try pumping/giving formula just yet unless you’re really desperate in case of nipple confusion.

The first couple of weeks are really really hard. Who is looking after you? You need someone to cook and clean for you and bring you drinks/food.

My advice is spend the majority of the time in bed feeding and resting. Whenever baby’s asleep try to sleep to. Yes it will be broken into 2 hours at a time but if you can get enough that way you’ll be ok. Family/partner just brings baby to you for feeding and you sleep as much as possible for the rest of the time.

Unfortunately broken sleep is very normal for parents. This stage will last a few weeks. You just have to try to get through it best you can but I know it’s really hard. You’re doing a great job.

If you can master feeding baby lying on your side that may allow you to doze while someone watches over you? When mine were newborn DH got up in the night to pass baby over / change baby so I was the only person who didn’t actually get up. It can take a bit of time to feel confident eg feeding in the dark/lying down but it certainly won’t be months. Baby will cluster feed at certain times for some time but it shouldn’t be all day/all night.

As for feeding baby out and about, it’s totally normal to feel this way, buy a feeding cover while you’re getting used to it but people will expect to see a newborn baby being breastfed, lots of us have been there. Perhaps go somewhere baby orientated first that has a feeding room and go from there.

I second that you need to practise feeding laying down. Laying around in bed all day feeding a baby is pretty easy really.

Ah I remember this well. Thinking how is something so natural so bloody hard?!
The good news is if you can get through these first weeks it does get SO much easier and I was very glad I persevered and didn’t have to faff with bottles and hot water and worrying about sterilising etc in the long term.
If you’re self conscious about feeding out and about get a nursing cover. I used one the first time round for a few months just until I got used to it. After that I didn’t bother as I felt much more comfortable.

There’s no rush to leave your baby. Or go out. They are only 6 days old. I know it’s exhausting but that’s just newborn life. Even if you weren’t breastfeeding. Try to relax and go with it. I promise it does get easier

Hello! Breastfeeding mum here. It will signjficantly improve very soon. Have you tried lying down feeding? It was a game changer for me. Allowed my little one to feed while I was able to drift off and rest - look up the lullaby trust for how to lie safely to do this. My little one also took a dummy, which enabled me to get some rest too. I would also recommend a consultation with a lactation consultant if you can, just to check that baby is getting plenty of milk and there is no issue there. Also, get your partner to do one feed kn 24 hours and give you a longer rest time. Get huaband to take them out of the house so you van actually rest. Formula is fine. Or you could pump for it, but hie early, a bottle of formula is fine. I promise it will improve.

Pumping is tedious, time-consuming and a big faff for little benefit in the long-run in my experience. Being able to go out without having to think about any kind of feeding stuff for a whole 6 months was great.

It's really early days. He'll be going longer between feeds soon and you'll be able to sleep more and get out and about. Feeding lying down is great. And getting comfortable feeding out too. If you try feeding in front of a mirror you'll see how little is visible.

This is honestly why many cultures rallied (some still do) round mothers and babies as you pretty are just two mammals, one sustaining the other, and it’s important to realise that all the pretty pictures of being nicely dressed and taking babies out are for most people either a) going to come later or b) marketing and influencing bullshit to be completely ignored while dropping flapjack crumbs on your babies’ feeding head.

If I could just go back I would spend the critical first few weeks in pjs, in bed or on the sofa, being fed and feeding and not giving a shit about anything else. Unfortunately my mum, who never breastfed, was there encouraging me to get up and out (probably easier in her suburban bungalow back in the day than in a high rise city flat with no car). Roll into the third trimester with pride, watch tv, eat, feed baby, worry about the rest later.

PS you won’t believe this now but breastfeeding becomes easy and almost fun and you will be able to do the T-shirt up, vesttop down public feeding if you want to without even the flash of a nip. Your baby goes from being like ‘but what is this THING you keep shoving in my face’ to being able to latch in half a second from across the room like a missile. It’s the gift for hanging through the toe-curling days.

The first week is the hardest! It gets easier and easier. It's normal to feed round the clock at first but it really gets easier at 2 weeks in then easier again at a month, and much easier again at 6 weeks etc.

Just think how much good you are doing your baby's gut health, future health and immunity.

It gets better!! Your job right now is to feed and only to feed and everyone else needs to look after you.

PS get a good box set on the go. Makes it all so much easier. I watched the whole of Game of Thrones and once I'd finished that, after a month or so, the feeding had got to the easy stage where we could go out and about 😂

Also, a few months in, I genuinely enjoyed breastfeeding and the rush of relaxing hormones it gave me, but at a week in I bloody hated it.

It gets easier, it really truly does!

Yes, lie down whilst feeding. Also definitely pump away, get an electric pump. My baby wouldn't take a bottle at all, I think I may have left it too long. But if it really is hell , and remains hell...switch to formula, you cannot go on like this. Xxx

Congratulations firstly!

Maybe try combi feeding for a few weeks? I had an awful time breastfeeding initially, was exhausted, had a bout of mastitis, and a breastfeeding consultant suggested just getting Dad to give a bottle of formula in the evening or more when I needed a break. I was afraid it would affect my supply but it didn’t at all. DH gave her a bottle a night to let me get some rest and we did that for 7 weeks til I felt better and was more in the swing of it. I then exclusively breast fed after that and was fine.

I don’t see how this is sustainable.

No, it isn't, but it doesn't last. The gaps will start to get longer, probably very soon.

At this point, I personally don't think pumping would help you. It's time consuming and you'd probably just spend the time you would spend feeding pumping instead. I pumped once mine were a bit older and I was getting more of a break from feeding anyway.

Are you getting two hours between feeds, or is two hours from the start of one feed to the start of the next?
Is your partner around on paternity leave?
What I'd recommend is you going to bed really early, and just having the baby brought to you for feeds. So between 6pm-midnight, you are just sleeping, waking to feed, sleeping again. Not doing any of the nappies or settling etc. Doesn't have to be in the evening, go for a sleep now if you can.

Congratulations on your new arrival! I hope you get the support you deserve. Honestly, I think the trials of early motherhood is the world’s best kept secret. It’s really hard!!!

The first couple of months are the worst and unfortunately they do need feeding every couple of hours. I found around 12 weeks they went longer between feeds.
Other people can't really help with feeding but they can help with everything else, even taking the baby and settling her after you feed at night so you can go straight back to sleep.
Feeding lying down and co sleeping are your friend too - ask your midwife/HV to show you how to do this safely.
I didn't bother with pumping tbh because I never got much and it was a hassle to feed then pump then wash everything all for an ounce of milk at a time. Not night feeding will affect your supply too and may mean you're feeding more during the day or waking up with sore boobs or blocked milk ducts. But if it's something that works for you so someone else can do one night feed then go for it.

As for feeding outside the house, the first couple of times you're going to be self conscious but then you really do get used to it, and i think most of the time people don't even notice anyway and even if they do hardly anyone cares these days. Do it somewhere like a baby group first time so you know you're around other mums who understand. I wore loose layers and took an extra large muslin cloth with me to cover up

Also I think around day 6 it’s common to get the baby blues, as something happens to your hormones around this time….. it will get better xxx

Wow thank you so much everyone for your support and useful replies. I think a lot of this is sleep deprivation/hormones too! I will look into feeding lying down for certain.

I also think part of the problem is, I was completely unprepared for the amount of time breastfeeding takes. I knew I’d be sleep deprived but I didn’t realise that baby latches and sucks for ages - partly for comfort as well as feeding.

Yesterday she slept for a good 3 hours between feeds which was great! But today she’s been on and off since first thing - after a stormy night. Family are really helpful.

Also I’m going to take them out for a short walk soon with my partner, I think it will be good for me to go outside. Getting cabin fever a bit. Reading all your replies has really helped though - just knowing I’m not alone and this is normal. Let’s hope for more restful days ahead (you know, like 5 hours sleep would be bliss!)

Re feeding outside - you’ll get used to it. Use a big muslin or any scarf / shawl to cover up. Most people know to look away!!

For public feeding you can get a breast feeding cover, this helped me being comfortable.

I did mixed feeding which was breast in day and formula/pumped at night which my husband did most of the night so I slept.

I could have written your post OP! Honestly though, you're doing great. We are now 9 weeks in and things get so much easier - the 2nd week was the hardest IME.

Personally, I'd recommend getting one or two small (200ml) ready mixed bottles of formula and either a doidy cup or a small bottle. Get DH to give either a late night or morning feed so you get some unbroken sleep EVERY DAY!

For example, I hand over baby at 6 and get a decent lie-in from 6am - 10am and my partner gives the morning feeds.

To begin with he was using the doidy cup but at 3-4 weeks (when breast feeding was very well established) moved onto a bottle to avoid nipple confusion.

Sometimes I express, and DH gives DD the expressed milk, but having a couple of ready mixed bottles of formula to hand feels so reassuring. It took a lot of pressure off me to be honest if I needed an unscheduled nap or some me time.

Well over 90% of DD's feeds are still breastmilk, and IMO the benefits far exceeded my initial desire to exclusively breastfeed. DD benefits from having a well rested mum as well as some regular bonding time with DH.