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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding in restaurants - etiquette?

43 replies

AuntieMaggie · 02/08/2014 10:13

What is the etiquette for feeding in restaurants?

I'm a first time mum with a 5 week old and twice now we've been out shopping and stopped for food somewhere and as soon as my food arrived ds has woken up and wanted feeding. I've ended up rushing my food and not finishing it so I could leave and feed him. But I don't want to do this all the time. Any advice?

OP posts:

MostWicked · 02/08/2014 23:16

Order food like risotto, rather than steak, so it is easy to eat one handed. Or cut it all up in advance.

leedy · 04/08/2014 11:29

is guilty of having to clean crumbs, pizza, etc. off the baby after dinner

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 04/08/2014 15:18

Just feed him!

Also, I know you are told to feed 'on demand'. But as they get a bit older, you do get a sense of when they might wake up and be starving. Sometimes it is a preferable choice to wake them up, give them a feed and have them in the pram/sitting on someone else's lap during the meal.

Also, yes, penne good, spaghetti bad!

Kendodd · 04/08/2014 15:21

The etiquette is as follows-

Get boob out.
Put it in baby's mouth.

You can still eat yourself as long as you have one hand free.

RiverTam · 04/08/2014 15:25

I had 'peep-hole' Hot Milk nursing bras which show very little boobage, then vest down, top up, baby on. I have huge boobs but once the baby is latched their head covers everything.

DD of her own accord settled into a 3-hourly routine at about 12 weeks, which does make things a bit easier.

Just don't have soup for lunch!

ThirteenMeetings · 05/08/2014 08:12

I fed DD in plenty of restaurants, including a Friday night in Pizza Express! I did the old two tops trick - strappy vest underneath, loose top on front, pull the outer one up and the under one down, and I personally felt more comfortable with a very light shawl draped over the front, but don't feel you have to do this if you don't want to. No one ever said anything or made me feel even slightly uncomfortable.

ElleDubloo · 05/08/2014 08:40

I guess if you carry the baby in a wrap or sling, you can just drape that around you when you breastfeed, rather than buying a special "breastfeeding cover".

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 05/08/2014 09:57

Yes, if you use a stretchy wrap type sling, that can be quite useful for 'draping' if you feel a bit exposed. It tends to depend on the top- some need to show more boob than others to get access! Bear in mind that a lot of babies very quickly hate having their head covered whilst feeding though. So things like layered tops (vest down, top up) can work well. A muslin can also help cover up if you feel exposed . Personally I think special breastfeeding covers are a bit of a waste of money, but I do have friends who love theirs.

Original poster

AuntieMaggie · 05/08/2014 10:42

We were in kiddicare at the w/e and dp was unimpressed that they sold breastfeeding covers as he thinks women shouldn't need to use them.

Went to harvester at the w/e and made sure to get a table where I'd be comfortable feeding as ds was fussing but as soon as I picked him up he fell asleep! So he just ended up covered in bits of food instead however I did feed him at a bbq on Sun where he decided to do his shaking his head and play with my nipple rather than latch on straight away!

OP posts:

squizita · 05/08/2014 12:04

dp was unimpressed that they sold breastfeeding covers as he thinks women shouldn't need to use them.

In the nicest possible way, I am unimpressed with women being judged by a man for what parts of her body she chooses to show or not show under any circumstances (just because, for example, there is no law or social pressure dictating whether I show something, doesn't make me obliged to show this. I don't have to wear a short skirt all the time to show women's lib): it is actually this attitude of if you are going to BF you are obliged to show everyone as a BF campaigner which puts me off BFing.
And I am not embarrassed in the slightest about breastfeeding/breasts/the female body FWIW. But it is a woman's body and she should be able to feed her child without someone looking down on her for exposing too much OR too little.

Implying women 'shouldn't' cover is equally judgey to suggesting they should: doesn't normalise BFing, it politicises it. Like if an introvert BFed their child brilliantly, but was shy about it - would they be doing it wrong?

*Women should never have to hide their BFing, but if they wish to cover (also, if their baby is easily distracted) they shouldn't be prevented from doing so by not being able to buy products or being seen as second class BFers.

It's also rather culturally insensitive. What of the BFing mum who wears a Hajib? Actually that is a culture where BFing thrives - is highly normalised and expected of new mums (I am very close to a number of young muslim mums so have seen 1st hand) - but women are highly modest about showing their bodies.

squizita · 05/08/2014 12:07

...oh and I used 'woman's lib' as a deliberately archaic term to refer to feminism due to the miniskirt reference.
To me this is a feminist issue: a woman's body = a woman's choice.

But that choice should be up to her and facilitated without judgement.

My beef with those shawls would be how very overpriced they are for what they are, when there are so many cheaper alternatives. Same as changing bags. 'Must have' items which are needlessly pricey.

hollie84 · 05/08/2014 12:41

He said women should need to use them, not that they shouldn't use them. I agree to be honest. But then I also think women in certain cultures shouldn't need to be modest about their bodies either.

TinyTear · 05/08/2014 12:45

feed and learn to eat one handed!

my DD could be FAST asleep on any walk, the second i sat down with cake she would wake up...

Original poster

AuntieMaggie · 05/08/2014 13:12

Thank you hollie. It was that the advertising implied mothers had to hide what they were doing not whether the mother wanted to cover herself and he wasn't judging anyone. If he had that much of a problem with women covering themselves he would have something to say about me covering myself rather than helping me as he does.

TinyTear I managed to eat chicken and ribs one handed at the weekend :)

OP posts:

TinyTear · 05/08/2014 13:17

Well done! you will do well!

(DD is 2.5 and I sometimes still eat one handed when she wants to sit on my lap...)

squizita · 05/08/2014 13:21

Hollie I won't get into a cultural debate about the confusion between oppressed women in theocracies and 2nd or 3rd generation women living in the UK choosing to express a religion in a certain way without pressure (who would laugh their middle-class-professional heads off at what they see to be a social/political stance being viewed as their husbands' forcing them to wear something).

There are plenty of athiest introverts out there of all cultures. There are plenty of feminists who have chosen masculine 'covering' clothing all their lives as it fits in with their philosophy of feminism - it having become second nature to them and part of their identity, should we judge if they breastfeed in a large loose garment which hides it?
I am NOT saying people should dress modestly or cover up under any circumstances if they don't want to. I actually don't in the slightest and have had it "mainsplained" to me that I dress too wildly to be an educated feminist in the past. I have no embarrassment about breasts or - to some people's shock - genitalia. Yes I am one of those annoying feminists.
I am saying that (1) a man who will never BF or indeed (2) anyone at all should not want to get rid of a product which does no harm and which some people find very useful because it doesn't fit in with their philosophies or the extent to which they expect people to be comfortable with a natural bodily act.
It should be up the the owner of the body:
-if they don't wish to buy it they don't
-if they wish to, they do.

But to use another analogy. Women don't need to wear make up, and shouldn't be forced or coerced by the media.
Should we stop selling it? Because the "know betters" say so? Especially the menz who 'know how to do feminism' better than women?

Saying something shouldn't be sold is effectively saying the public should not have access to it. Therefore it is removing an element of choice.

squizita · 05/08/2014 13:23

AuntieMaggie 100% agree about the advertising!! :) The advertising that goes with almost everything to do with women's bodies is shaming - even when the product is neutral.

hollie84 · 05/08/2014 13:44

Depends on whether you view a product like covers as "doing no harm". I'm not sure you can claim that a product is neutral when you recognise that the advertising used to create a market for it is harmful.

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