February book of the month: A Boy Made of Blocks by Keith Stuart. Read now ahead of author webchat on Wednesday 1 March, 9-10pm.

[RachelMumsnet]

Our February book of the month is A Boy Made of Blocks, Keith Stuart's debut novel and one of Richard and Judy's Spring selection. We have 50 free copies up for grabs and we'll be holding a discussion about the book and webchat with Keith Stuart on Wednesday 1 March, at 9pm.

In this book Keith has drawn on his own experience of raising his autistic son. It's funny and at times deeply moving, expounds the joys and trials of parenting - and has a cracking plot - making it the perfect book to read on a winter's evening.

Find out more about the book and apply for a free copy before Monday 23 January and put the date in your diary to join the discussion and chat to Keith Stuart on this thread on 1 March.

Many thanks to Mumsnet for a copy of 'A Boy Made Of Blocks' by Keith Stuart. An absolutely brilliant book, really moving, highlighting the immense challenges that come with autism, but a simultaneously endearing and uplifting read. The ending to Chapter 40, when the outcome of the ‘Minecraft’ challenge is revealed, was just exquisitely written. A winner!

My question to Keith:- It’s difficult enough receiving a clear diagnosis for children on the Autism spectrum, much more so to see effective support and provisions put into place in the schools the child attends. Just today, the ‘Daily Record’ has reported that a Scottish teacher was told to "watch The Big Bang Theory" as training for dealing with a pupil with Asperger syndrome.

How effective was the support & provisions your child received, and what do you feel schools or the Local Education Authority need to address a.s.a.p.?

Ooh, yes yes to Margaret Atwood.

Near the beginning of the book Alex worries and almost frowns upon Sam being allowed a console in his bedroom and being allowed to spend too much time on it. With negative reports of too much screen time in the media, I guess this is something all parents are aware and mindful of. Given your career and obvious interest in gaming, is this something that concerned you too as your boys became old enough to play, or was it great to encourage them in something that is a passion of yours? Just wondering if Alex's wariness was based upon your own experiences, and what your opinion of young kids and gaming is/was?

Reading the book it is obvious how much children and adults can gain out of some video games, and it's nice to hear a different view from a lot of the scaremongering out there. Has having children changed your opinion on kids and gaming, or did you always know there's more to it than grand theft auto style bad influence?

Hi Keith

What would be your advice when meeting a child with austim for the first time. Is it best to treat them just like any other kid, or is it better to have a different more quiet approach ?.

Also is there anything you found people said to you that was really frustrating- like he'll grown out of it, or I would never let my kid act like that.

Similarly is there anything that you found really kind or encouraging ?

And finally what advice would give to those of us who have no real experience of austim. How can we be kind and helpful if we see parents dealing with this in cafes or shops etc ?

Thanks in advance for educating us, and helping us to understand this condition a bit more.

@BearAusten

Why did you give the character of Alex a traumatic background and an almost dysfunctional family? Was it solely for dramatic effect? Was it so we would feel more empathy towards him? (Do you think the reader could have forgiven his behaviour/neglect towards Jody and Sam otherwise?)

Hi BearAusten! This is a really difficult question. I do think that I needed something in Alex's background to help explain his difficulty in dealing with life and autism; I wanted to give his history a bit of darkness. I honestly feel that we all have traumas in our lives that we fail to deal with - we just try to carry on and find it hard to talk. Alex represents that.

Ten years ago my dad died of cancer and I'm still really dealing with the grief of that and perhaps always will be. I don't think many novels deal with the idea that grief is ongoing - it doesn't really disappear. So there's that as well - I kind of used the book to talk about grief because it's always there for me.

Hi Keith. I thoroughly enjoyed your book and am looking forward to reading your next!

My only experience of autism is of a boy my children were friendly with in primary school. Sadly he had a tough time at school and was often a victim of teasing and pranks in a similar way to Sam at his school. I was pleased to see that some of the children in your book were great with Sam and seem to accept him just as he is. Was this representative of your son's experiences at school and with friends?

Hi Keith

I'd just like to say I thought I'd gain some insight into the life of a boy with autism through your book, but I think I found my husband in there instead.

He works long hours, sometimes going away for a few days or a week. Even when he is here at home, I don't really feel he's 'present'. It's been hard being mum/dad/autism appointment and education co-ordinator. I know I constantly explain how to care for or play with our son. I don't let him find his way, but it's felt like me and my sprog against the world so much that I've made a bubble around us that his dad doesn't understand and maybe my son didn't feel he needed to be there.

But he does need to be there, he's a person not just a dad and I've pushed him out of all his roles. To be honest he has not seemed to mind this, it was easier for him and I can hear his pre-planned excuses a mile off too. Sprog is 5 and his dad has never taken him out on his own except to his mums. Not even to the corner shop.

I am hoping to encourage my husband to just read a few chapters of a boy made of blocks. It has a message to us both in it.

@thenightmanageress

Hi Keith Congratulations on the novel - I really enjoyed it & had my eyes & heart opened by the story. I wondered, based on your experience, what advice you would give those of us whose children are friends with children with autism? It's hard to explain to a child why other children see the world differently

Hey thenightmanageress! This is a great question! You're right, it is very hard to explain to children. What we try to do is explain to children that Zac's brain just works in a different way, and that means there are some simple rules to follow. Explaining things clearly to him, and understanding that he might not be good at sharing toys. We tell them the things Zac is interested in so they can maybe bring those up if they're interested too. I think just pointing out that children with ASD just see the world differently is often enough. Kids are quite empathetic and curious and they usually take i onboard.

Hi Keith,

Since I finished reading your book I've looked at children who are not behaving as they "should be" in a different way. I've been considering if they could be on the spectrum in some way. Did you write your book hoping that people would treat your son in a different way?

@yUMMYmUMMYb

I thought this was such a great book to read. I wonder what your wife/ partner / mum to your kids thinks of you writing so publicly about aspects of your life?

Hey yUMMYmUMMYb, I think my wife may be watching this discussion actually! The good thing is, everyone was very supportive. Morag, my wife, read every chapter as I wrote it, and offered a lot of suggestions and scenes. She told me when I'd gone too far with things too, which was very useful! My sons have been good too - Zac kind of gets what is going on, and he is interested - he likes looking at the Acknowledgements because his name is in there! Albie, my other son has been really good - he's decided he wants to be a novelist now! Poor thing.

Apologies if this is out of order - I don't know how much of Alex is really you! I did spend some of the book feeling a bit outraged and upset on Jody's behalf, and thinking he was a bit of an arsehole for leaving her to it on her own a lot of the time. I understand that the trauma he had experienced as a child, and also the helplessness that maybe a lot of parents who aren't the primary carer feel when the primary carer seems to do it all right and they can't, has a lot to do with this. Am I thinking about this in a bit too much of a biased way, from too much of a 'woman left at home to deal with everything' perspective, or is my 'arsehole at times' assessment a fair one?

Thanks for answering. Do you have any other books we could read?

@SunshineOutdoors

Reading the book it is obvious how much children and adults can gain out of some video games, and it's nice to hear a different view from a lot of the scaremongering out there. Has having children changed your opinion on kids and gaming, or did you always know there's more to it than grand theft auto style bad influence?

I've always loved video games, and I've always seen them as a positive thing - that didn't change when I had children. The thing is, a lot of adults who don't know about games only see things like Grand Theft Auto or Candy Crush, so they think of them as violent or as timewasters. But there is a huge variety of video games, some tell love stories, some tell stories of loss and grief; some are just amazingly clever. I definitely limit the time my children play (much to their frustration) but I also love sharing games with them.

Games, to me, are imaginative places - they're worlds that you can go to and experience incredible stories and adventures. They're also social places - you can play with friends - it's not always shooting things alone!

So yes, I honestly believe that video games that games are a really vibrant and important part of our culture.

Cheerybigbottom your post has helped me to see another side of it. You sound lovely, acknowledging how the pressures you have faced may have influenced how your partner reacts to things, rather than just (understandably imo) feeing resentful of him. I hope you can find a way to open up communication with him to help make things easier for both of you. You sound like you're doing a great job with your little boy.

Hi Keith, I really enjoyed your book. I have a few friends with children along the autism spectrum, and the only thing I've learned is that there are no givens when it comes to the disorder and they are all very different children. How do you think the wide range of "symptoms" associated with spectrum disorder affects people's understanding of it?

After you were approached to write the novel, how long before you said yes? Was writing a novel on your bucket list?

@FernieB

Hi Keith. I thoroughly enjoyed your book and am looking forward to reading your next!

My only experience of autism is of a boy my children were friendly with in primary school. Sadly he had a tough time at school and was often a victim of teasing and pranks in a similar way to Sam at his school. I was pleased to see that some of the children in your book were great with Sam and seem to accept him just as he is. Was this representative of your son's experiences at school and with friends?

Hey FernieB!

Yes, Zac has had a little bit of bullying but actually not much. But he finds it really hard to make friends at school - everything moves too quickly for him, I think. But he does have very close friends that he's grown up with. He tends to get on much better with girls - they seem to be a little more patient and caring.

I was surprised to learn how much there is to Minecraft. My kids had a Minecraft phase a few years ago but I didn't get involved. They don't game at all now and my only experience of computer games is limited to our old Commodore 64 when I was a kid - Frogger and a strange thing called 'Revenge of the Mutant Camels'. What was the first game you remember playing that absorbed you as much as Minecraft does with Sam?

@barricade

My question to Keith:- It’s difficult enough receiving a clear diagnosis for children on the Autism spectrum, much more so to see effective support and provisions put into place in the schools the child attends. Just today, the ‘Daily Record’ has reported that a Scottish teacher was told to "watch The Big Bang Theory" as training for dealing with a pupil with Asperger syndrome.

How effective was the support & provisions your child received, and what do you feel schools or the Local Education Authority need to address a.s.a.p.?

Hey barricade! This is a really important question. So, Zac has always had good support at school, right from when he first went to nursery. teachers have been patient with him - they've spotted that he's different very quickly, and he has received support in the form of one-on-one time with teaching assistants. The education authority has been much, much more tricky. We had a lot of meetings with SENCO (special educational needs coordinators) and this were often frustrating and inconclusive - and when we went to the LEA to get Zac diagnosed, we were told at first that he definitely wasn't on the spectrum. We had to do a lot of fighting to get him re-diagnosed and taken seriously.

Also, we did go and look at a wonderful specialist autism school, but we were told by the LEA that there was no way they'd support us trying to get a place there.

What can be done? That's a hard question - I think every LEA and local health authority needs to have guidelines in place to help parents through diagnosis - they need a set series of steps. Right now you have to apply for a Education, Health and Care plan if your child is on the spectrum to decide whether they get special care in education - this is a fraught and complicated process - it shouldn't be. There just needs to be a lot more help, advice and understanding.

SunshineOutdoors thank you so much. I have been resentful, I've shouted and cried and spent days desperately looking at finances and childcare options because we've had a bad day and I didn't feel up to it anymore. I've begged my son to just not bite anyone today

Reading Keith's opening chapters just hit me in the stomach though. I've accepted the barriers around us and been negative to my husbands attempts at forming his bond. I've said no that's not the way we do it when actually our sprog can accept things a different way and I think I've made his dad a bit unnecessary. It's not fair is it. I feel A Boy Made of Blocks has shown me I'm a bit controlling and I should step back.

I was also intrigued by the new school selection process, and the decision that Alex, Jody and Sam came to; in particular the specialist school for autism vs the 'mainstream' school that can cater for lots of different personalities/learning styles. Was there a reason outside of the book for not choosing the 'special' school? Obviously every child, and every child with an autism diagnosis has different requirements and personality that will make the decision unique, but did the decision in the book reflect any position that you hold on where is best to educate children with autism/any other additional needs?

@pbandbacon

After you were approached to write the novel, how long before you said yes? Was writing a novel on your bucket list?

Hello pbandbaco! I was really busy when Ed Wood at Little Brown emailed me - I actually completely ignored him! It wasn't until he'd emailed one or two more times that I replied! Then we met up for dinner one day and he started telling me that he had an idea for a novel based on my article, and I thought 'what am I doing here? Who IS this guy? What have I got myself in to?!' I just didn't believe this was how books got made.

I think about two weeks after that I wrote a synopsis, and then I was on a flight and really bored so I wrote the first couple of chapters. I honestly didn't expect to hear from them again, but a week later I had a contract. It was crazy. I had no intention of ever writing a novel, so this has all been a huge shock. I can't believe it happened. I can't believe I'm here talking to you all about it!

I'm reading your book right now, and not sure whether to continue. Alex is really annoying me. He's so selfish and useless! No wonder Jody is so desperate. Alex is really unsympathetic with Sam as well. Give me one good reason why I should continue reading...

Thanks for the answer Keith. I forgot to say that one aspect of the book that I found interesting to see written down was the anger and frustration that Jody and Alex sometimes experienced when Sam had a particularly challenging moment as sometimes, this is never mentioned due possibly to feelings of guilt about having reacted the way they did?

Hi Keith, your book is sitting on my shelf unread as yet, not sure I'm up to it as going through EHCP hell at the minute! I predict I'll cry, lots.
So a practical question from me. My son has atypical autism, he has some close friends and they all love minecraft. He loves his best bud lots and almost pines for him! How do I safely link them up to play each other remotely? Can it be done on iPad (the only platform they have in common)?

Many thanks for answering my question, Keith (especially out of the loads you have). Really glad that your son received good quality specialist support. As a teacher myself, I have often 'banged my head against a brick wall' with frustration at how little support we receive from the LEA.

But anyway .., thank you for that. And really interesting reading all your other responses, too. Great stuff.

@Cheerybigbottom

Hi Keith

I'd just like to say I thought I'd gain some insight into the life of a boy with autism through your book, but I think I found my husband in there instead.

He works long hours, sometimes going away for a few days or a week. Even when he is here at home, I don't really feel he's 'present'. It's been hard being mum/dad/autism appointment and education co-ordinator. I know I constantly explain how to care for or play with our son. I don't let him find his way, but it's felt like me and my sprog against the world so much that I've made a bubble around us that his dad doesn't understand and maybe my son didn't feel he needed to be there.

But he does need to be there, he's a person not just a dad and I've pushed him out of all his roles. To be honest he has not seemed to mind this, it was easier for him and I can hear his pre-planned excuses a mile off too. Sprog is 5 and his dad has never taken him out on his own except to his mums. Not even to the corner shop.

I am hoping to encourage my husband to just read a few chapters of a boy made of blocks. It has a message to us both in it.

Hey there. I'm not sure if you wanted a reply to this, but I'm really sorry you're in this situation. I think men often - if given the chance - will close themselves off from difficult situations; it is easier than confronting things. I bet he does want to spend time with your child, but he's now got himself into a position where he can't. Maybe there's a way you can ween him into it - leave them alone for just a few minutes here and there, and then stretch those times out? Are there things your husband is interested in that your kid can take part in too? I think with a lot of men, shared interests are an amazing ice-breaker - we find it easier to talk to each other when there's some distraction. This is why most of the biggest business deals happen on gold courses!

I hope that doesn't sound flippant or sexist - and I really hope things improve. Some dads come into their own when their kids are older.