Wycombe or Downe?

[mccrumble]

so dd has offers from both schools for a sept 24 boarding place.

we feel we have had lots of positive and warm interaction with Downe to date but Wycombe has been more aloof - arguably more arrogant. We managed to get onto a coffee morning having paid a registration fee but that has been it. The assessment days couldn’t have been more different in terms of the nature of the day for the girls and manner of communications in general let
alone interaction with parents.

Now she has received an offer we have a private meeting / tour lined up with Wycombe (having already had multiple interactions with Downe) and there are more general opportunities to connect eg a day for girls with offers and their parents.

I can’t shake the gut feel that Wycombe is probably best placed for dd but I wondered if any WA parents can provide any insight into culture, community and interaction with parents? I know this is about what is best for dd but it’s such a big decision for us and I want to ensure we remain as involved with the life of our little girl as possible. Boarding is being driven by her, not us, (I think we are too boring in comparison 🤣) and she will likely weekly board.

Well if the communication style has “ now changed” and you think WA suits your daughter better, I’m struggling to follow your dilemma? It isn’t a young version of you going. It sounds to me you’ve actually made your decision?

Hi yes we are going on the 3rd. We went to WA and had one to one meetings with the head of admissions, head of pastoral and headmistress. Went with lots of questions and came away feeling v reassured on a number of fronts. Also now had the chance (thanks mumsnet!) to exchange views with current parents and it seems current management team, vision and reality is a world away from what it was in the past. Going on the 3rd with dd just for final final reassurance but think we are leaning heavily towards WA at the moment

Should say if anyone else in same position wants to DM me v happy to connect

I wanted to add that my DD is now in her second year at WA. I was slightly apprehensive that it would be an academic pressure cooker populated by alpha lacrosse- mad girls from London but she was adamant she wanted to go to WA and nowhere else. In reality, she has dropped lacrosse (not v sporty, not an issue) and the work/prep is very manageable. She has the option of coming home every Saturday and usually wants to stay at school! In their second year they move into a senior house and this has suited my DD much better than Junior House in the first year. Feel free to DM me if you want any more details, my experience is it has been much nicer and softer in reality than its reputation suggests

@mccrumble Hope you enjoyed your day at WA and got the answers you wanted! I remember having a very enjoyable school tour and some interesting chats with existing parents (as it was a normal school weekend with sports fixtures).

Yes DornfordYates makes a good suggestion - go on a day when there are sports fixtures and mingle with some parents and see what the atmosphere is like (on and off the pitch). This will tell you alot about the feel of the school.

Hi so we had a lovely day at WA yesterday. We took DS (now in his 20s) with us for a different view. Went to junior, Reubens and Butler houses. All of the girls who showed us around were down to earth with a sense of humour and there were certainly a diversity of girls - no carbon copies of each other with plenty of ways to demonstrate their individuality. The housemistresses were warm, the girls in the different houses all had a sense of pride and loyalty to their house and house pets were a bonus in DD’s eyes. There were matches and we stayed for a bit, watching how the girls interacted with each other not only on the pitch but also on the sidelines when they weren’t playing. DD wanted to stay even longer to watch which given she is not sporty says something in itself. DD is always quiet when we look around schools taking it all in and then we get a full download the minute we are in the car. She was full of the pros and cons of the different houses, how she would decorate her area of the dorm, what clubs she would sign up to etc (she had been reading the notice boards as we went round) and , very importantly, what tuck she would take with her. The fact she could see herself there without us saying anything is exactly what we were looking for. We have agonised, questioned, poured over comparative stats, sought opinions of a wide variety of people and chopped and changed our minds on almost a daily basis. Every school will have its pros and cons. I think we have come to the conclusion that WA is the best school for her and her personality, interests and learning style. Obviously there are no guarantees and worst case scenario we change schools but I think we need to give WA a go. Thank you again to everyone who has reached out either openly on this thread or via DM , I have really appreciated people taking the time and offering such a range of opinions.

@mccrumble Welcome to Wycombe Abbey, then! Feel free to DM if you have practical questions, though the school is usually good at providing detailed information at all stages.

There is usually a two-days "Intro to Lacrosse" camp in late summer (worth attending even if your daughter is not sporty as she gets to meet other jr girls and at that stage everyone is new to the game anyway so there are no expectations). There were also several useful online information meetings with the JR year staff before starting, one of them only for the girls which DD found very exciting!

Glad you’ve been able to make the right decision for your dd. I came on here to say everyone people say about WA is true - and also it isn’t. When we were considering it for our dd the deputy head academic was the key - she told me - we take some incredibly bright girls and some above average girls, some very privileged girls and many whose parents struggle to pay the fees - what unites all those girls is that they work hard and want to contribute. We moved dd from a school full of very privileged children where she was at or near the top academically but miserable socially, and at Wycombe she has found she fits in. She is strong academically but no longer at the top, she likes lacrosse but is in the C team (or B team on a very good day), she contributes a lot socially in terms of looking after the younger girls in house etc but is clearly not one of the ‘stars’ of her year. She is happy. She is sometimes stressed and they do put the pressure on pretty sharply around public exams, but they also prepare the girls incredibly well. Almost all of dd’s teachers really care, and she’s had some very helpful tailored feedback.

So for me the main thing will be not is your girl an alpha type, but is she bright, able to apply herself, fairly self aware and can she cope with pressure. If she can, then this is a great place for her. If not, the combo of social and academic pressure can be a lot.

DH is also a great school, friends have a super academic kid who was bored elsewhere and DH has created a bespoke timetable for her and she’s loving it. In the end, it’s about fit - for your daughter and the school, less so for you!