Can I ask?

[andallyourevergonnabeismean]

Hi I'm a white woman. Please let me know if I shouldn't post here but I wondered if I could get some advice.

I recently went for a meal with dd and her friend. Both girls mid twenties, I'm in my fifties. Dds friend is black. I was discussing Grey's anatomy with dd friend (we are both fans) I mentioned I had been less impressed with the last few seasons. Dd said "yes mum doesn't like some of the storylines around Black Lives Matter.'

Firstly this is incorrect, I've said previously I found greys anatomy to be more political these days and have said it sometimes goes past educating/entertaining and more into preaching.

Secondly I then had to correct dd and explain myself. Which I felt very awkward doing. It was my first time meeting dd friend and I was conscious she may feel uncomfortable.

Dd said I shouldn't feel awkward discussing BLM with black people. But I feel a black person shouldn't be put in the position of having to have the conversation.It should be their choice.

Can anyone help with his debate?

Thank you everyone, I'm reading and taking on board all your replies.

Sounds like you're just cross that your DD outed you, and are projecting your own discomfort onto the friend. You have no idea how the friend felt about the topic, unless she explicitly told you.

You are clearly very uncomfortable talking about race, particularly with people who are non-white. perhaps you should read the book you say you read previously, again.

Your DD sounds very switched on by the way, the next generation seem to be comfortable talking about race, which is a good thing given the diversity in some parts of the UK.

I'm white and my dh and children are black.

What I've noticed over the years is that people, white people. who you have known for absolutely ages, years sometimes and who don't know that my dh and my children aren't white don't talk about race with me.

But then, if I take my dh to a work Christmas party for example then that is just the sort of thing that happens. They will talk about BLM on Greys Anatomy.

It's like they have to point out that they have noticed that he's black.

To me, it sounds like your daughter was doing just this.

It's probably a conversation that your daughter could have with you. And a conversation she could have with her (black) friend so probably didn't think through how it may be uncomfortable for you and said friend to discuss. I don't think dd meant anything by it.

as someone has said, no one can tell you exactly what was going on but i wonder if your daughter was doing was u call credentialling. A tendency among some white people to try and show their allyship or antiracists credentials by being vocal about real or imagined racism, unconscious bias, or inadequate allyship of others. So in this case, your dd, by showing that you are not fully onboard with BLM storylines on GA she brands herself a better ally than you and hence improving/proving her credentials to a black friend. By saying you even read "Why an not speaking to white people..." she is saying my mum is one of those white people who are allies (by reading that book) but are just not doing or as evolved as I am.

Your daughter was virtue signalling OP. Suspect the friend would have realised this.

I would definitely challenge her privately

Totally agree @GingerScallop