23 and me / ancestry etc

[Orchidflower1]

Hi all, Dd (teen) is very interested in family heritage ( which I’m proud of!) and she’s keen to go a step further and look into the actual genetics and the geography or her genes. She wants to see the map showing where her ancestors came from.

I’m honestly torn, I wholeheartedly support keeping our cultural and emotional values as a MR family alive. I want to foster her interest but I’m not sure on the balance of these things. I have some thoughts and I’d welcome thoughts and opinions here.

Do they have the right to store her DNA?
Can she actually do this as a 17year old or does she wait until she’s 18?
We are a mixed family and I love who we are- I’m concerned that the “map” of the heritage may dissuade her from embracing all aspects of her heritage- I know that’s a weird concern!
We don’t ( that I know of) have any family skeletons in the closest so no random cousins likely to pop up in America/ India/ Outer Mongolia etc but it plays on my mind.

Dd has been researching our family tree and feels like this is the next step- I’m just not sure. Some extended family do not embrace the diversity of our unit as much as others so I’m really torn.

Does anyone have any thoughts on alternatives?

Thank you if you’ve read through my long op. I appreciate that this board is not as busy but I’m not brave enough to post in the “main” section. I feel the nuances of my family may be lost on others.

FWIW, OP was here at the beginning of this board and involved in the calls to set it up, as was Plan.

I'm trying not to be rude here but it's like you're purposely misunderstanding to fit some sort of agenda of me saying that mixed race people aren't 'black enough' which I've never said.

You are the one that pointed out to me that the OP is actually mixed race. You commented saying 'are you saying being mixed race isn't black enough to comment on this board' or something along those lines. I said, 'point me to where the OP said she's mixed race as she only stated she has a mixed race family.' You are the one that copied and pasted the OPs post of her saying both her and DH are mixed race. I clearly didn't see that otherwise I wouldn't have said 'point me to where the OP said she's mixed race.' Having a mixed race family and being mixed race is two different things. I clearly did not know the OP is mixed race....

Both times the OP has responded to me, she's put my @ and those are the only responses I've read (other than the original post.) I've just gone back to all of her posts and looked back to when she said she was mixed race and that wasn't said to me.

So my comment saying I was a black woman getting told by a non black woman was not in response to something the OP said to me saying she was mixed race because that was said to another poster and not me. It's all here on the forum so I don't understand why you're purposely misunderstanding. You're incorrect by saying (referring back to a comment OP made to you) as she really did not say that to me lol.

I asked the OP why she posted here and not on the Multicultural board to which she answered, she's found support and nice people on this board and the Multicultural board is actually slower than this board. She's already answered me so not sure what battle you're trying to fight.
Please get your facts right before coming back and forth unnecessarily. Cya

As far as I know, OP has said she's mixed - white and Indian. Correct me if I'm wrong. This is why she uses BAME.

Mixed race doesn't always mean black and white.

And Plan has said many times she's Asian/Chinese.

Regardless of what's being said, I don't think a Black woman asking a question or making a complaint on this board should be challenged by non-Black women on this board. It's the same thing we're talking about.

@PlanDeRaccordement 😑 so why was I being challenged getting asked if someone who is mixed race with black, isn't considered 'black enough' to comment on this board when you're neither of those things? (mixed race with black or black)

It's like me challenging an Iraqi on why they don't think Morocans and Egypts should be claiming North African instead of Arab when I'm literally neither of those things

You will definitely find cousins you don't know exist as they go back to 8th cousins.
You will also find grandparents as well if you also take up a subscription with them. My oldest grandparent that I have living dna matches to was born in the 1700s ! If you research your family tree you will be amazed what comes up .

To steer back onto topic,
DH and I got our ancestry DNA done by ancestry.com. no skeletons and pretty much what we expected. The more people who do it the better the information so you may get updates and greater percentage changes as the years go by. As far as I'm aware the data is private and only law enforcement can request sharing, and have done in order to tack down a relative of an unidentified victim. As regards declaring for medical insurance, your choice but the DNA company are duty bound to protect your information. Good luck!

OP oddly up until a few months ago I was watching a few Youtube channels about genealogy triggered by a US story on finding criminals by DNA their family members put on these sites. One of the people who runs such a channel is involved in this work but his channel is dedicated to showing people how to find family members.

Those family DNA tests are most useful if you are adopted as you may find your blood relations and some of them may be happy to be in contact with you.

Anyway the long and short of it is that they are all just best guesses of the countries in the world you come from. The results change all the time due to more people being tested from specific regions in the world. For example most people who have had tests have genes from Europe and over the last 5 years they have been able to locate specific genes to England, Scotland/Ireland, etc. However even within those groups they can't distinguish whether people come from France and Germany as country borders are political and if you know the history of countries it is obvious why genes can't be separated like that.

You actually need to rely on people related quite closely to you to be on those sites to get the best results. In addition they also need to want to connect with you to fill in their family tree. Some people simply don't. You also would need to take tests for the two largest sites plus put your results on smaller ones to find the most relations.

It is actually better to construct a family tree then use those sites to help you fill in the blanks where you don't have enough information. However this still may not give you enough information as lots of people come from areas/are in groups e.g. religious where is is common for relations e.g. 3rd or 4th cousins to marry each other. This leads to lots of noise in your results. So it isn't unusual for people not to be able to find anyone closer than 6-8th cousins.

I personally wouldn't do a DNA test for those sites as you have no control how your personal information will be used e.g. used to find people related to you with alleged links to crimes. I however am lucky and so is my DP, which in turn means our child is. My DP has a relation who has done an extensive family tree. In my case my paternal relations are easy to find by name and my maternal relations are known.

You can ask 23 and me to chuck your sample away, they will ask your preference.

My teens have both done it as a bit of fun. I think once they are 13 they can sort it all out on their own phone. I don't remember consenting, although I did buy the kits.

Regarding the genetics and the map of where your dna comes from, it's more fun than gospel really. It is just parts of your dna that are generally shared by people from a certain country/region. But I think that's the point - generally shared or commonly found in certain populations, rather than definitely rooting you there.

Often traces do come up. My (white) ds has a little bit of dna commonly found in people in Mongolia. My dh, who would have thought he was just 100% white british got 15% french/german. But I think it is just really a bit of fun. But you could interpret it as a bit of war time infidelity/non paternity or something like that. Which could be massively smearing a dead ancestor(s). Or who knows really.

You don't have to connect with anyone you don't want to and you don't have to make your info accessible to others.

It would identify a close blood relative that you didn't know about if one existed. I have 1500 people on mine sharing 0.68% of my dna or less!

Thank you @RedMarauder and @Djifunrsnyou those are really interesting comments. It’s good to know that they will destroy the sample for you if requested.

Thank you to those of you who’ve supported me. Yes I’m MR Indian/ European - my husband is also MR But from a different background. Our children are a diverse mix in terms of skin colour and hair- reflecting aspects of their Indian, North African and European heritage. Hence my Dd interest and hence the thread.

We are all a different here on BMN but we have common goals. I’ve supported this board for long time and will remain a staunch advocate of it.