1st time my dc was racially abused

[Cocoabutterkim]

As a black mum you always know the day will come where your dc are racially abused but god it still feels like a big fucking kick to the gut. The N word was used by another child at school to put my dc in their place.

I remember my first time vividly and feel sad that even this many years on my dc has experienced the same thing at primary school. They are the fairest of my dc so I’d almost assumed that the ‘privilege’ they have would limit this behaviour but they are the 1st to receive it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really, I’m dealing with school constructively so far etc and dc is fine

@Soontobe60 this -www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/lesson-of-a-lifetime-72754306/

The kids were 8/9 years old.

Unlike the lessons I had on stereotypes in primary school this really covers emotions as the kids are actively involved.

Ugh. I'm sorry this happened to your kid. Some children can be nasty little bastards and it makes me wonder where they pick it up. I remember a mixed-race girl decking a white girl for saying 'black people are made of poo' back when I was in primary school. I hope the school will be in his corner.

Mum always told us never to use the n-word. She emphasised how disgusting it was and that we were not to use it under any circumstances. That stayed with me. I have a visceral hatred of it.

Please consider contacting social services about this. I am very concerned about the environment that child is growing up in. To my mind, if he is being raised in a racist household, he is not being fully and adequately prepared for the world, and his family / carers are not adequately meeting his needs. Not only is this good for that child, it is good for your child and everything other ethnic minority person this child will come into contact with in their )hopefully) long life.

Please be the intervention that will see this child from a crap future. Make the anonymous report and let social services looking what is happening in the home for the child and any other children there. I am not being too drastic. This needs to be done, trust me the parents will NOT be racist again unless they want social services all over them for the rest of their days.....

@Sugarintheplum

Please consider contacting social services about this. I am very concerned about the environment that child is growing up in. To my mind, if he is being raised in a racist household, he is not being fully and adequately prepared for the world, and his family / carers are not adequately meeting his needs. Not only is this good for that child, it is good for your child and everything other ethnic minority person this child will come into contact with in their )hopefully) long life.

Please be the intervention that will see this child from a crap future. Make the anonymous report and let social services looking what is happening in the home for the child and any other children there. I am not being too drastic. This needs to be done, trust me the parents will NOT be racist again unless they want social services all over them for the rest of their days.....

Thry may not express their racist views or carry out racist actions, but you don't just stop being racist because of a call from social services.

I agree about social services though, this is a bit of a safeguarding issue and schools are supposed to take extremism seriously. Do they gave some kind of PREVENT policy?

Well exactly, they need to stop exhibiting racism to their child.

I couldn't care less if THEY are actually racist. If they prefer to be narrow minded and miss out on what this wonderful world has to offer, so be it. People make their own decisions in life. That's their loss.

@Cocoabutterkim so sorry your dc has experienced this. How old is he and the child who commented?

It sounds positive that the school are engaging with you and your family. I hope the family of the other child are engaging too.

People really are deluded if they think social services would stage an intervention.

@Ted27

People really are deluded if they think social services would stage an intervention.

It's not about them necessarily doing something but about the report being logged. I doubt social services will do anything but something could be going on in the household and the more incidents reported the better. The whole "oh nothing will be done" attitude is a sure fire way to ensure nothing will be done.

Using the N word should not be treated lightly and is a sign off extremism. The school should have some type of age-appropriate PREVENT policy in place that should be used with the child who felt it was ok to use such a word.

So sorry OP. It’s just so disheartening isn’t it because you hope the world will be a bit better and kinder to our DC than they were to us.
It happened to my primary age DC when we first moved to the US. A boy called my DS a “ching chang c—k” and all the other children thought it was funny.
That was when we decided to pull the DC out of the US public schools and enroll them in a private (fee paying) school which as well as being smaller was much more diverse. That school was great for four years, but the month before we were due to leave they did have an incident where a teacher mocked a Muslim child for refusing pizza with pepperoni. Sigh.

@HumunaHey

I didnt say nothing should be done. I have a child who has been racially abused.

It's not however a social services issue.
It doesn't follow that holding racist views means that you are neglecting or abusing children
I should imagine there are lots if rich/well off/ comfortable households inhabited by people who hold racist views.

My son's school dealt with incidents swiftly and decisively. As they should

Yes and MANY young people in rick households need the involvement of social services to protect and safeguard their wellbeing.

I know form personal experience that 1) there are many rich people in social services books. and

2. My LA would take this seriously, I know this from personal experience.

It has also been pointed out that raising children in this way is a safeguarding concern. People can be whatever they like and abuse themselves, hold ridiculous views etc, but they cannot inflict these on their children willy nilly.

@Ted27 Well nor did I or PP imply that social services would "stage an intervention".

The reason racism will never be eradicated is because people act aghast at overt racism whilst institutional racism and the like can continue. Signs of racism in a household should be treated as a safeguarding issue and, as someone who has carried out safeguarding training (albeit a few years ago), racist name calling CAN be an early sign of radicalisation. The overall messaging in safeguarding is not to ignore signs. Better to have them checked out than assume it's nothing through fear of ruffling feathers. Social services aren't exclusively for abuse and neglect in their basic terms, it is about reporting concerns about the welfare of someone. Being raised in a racist household SHOULD be a concern. I don't think it should be down to OP to report this, but I strongly feel schools should.

It also boils down to steps to prevent people BEING racist and holding racist views rather than just stopping them from doing racist things. All the latter does is help racism to become more insidious. Sure the child may not say the N word again, but will their views towards the OP's child change? Perhaps not and that's just as dangerous for our future.

And FYI, there are many people in rich/well off/comfortable households who suffer abuse and neglect. It's a bit classist to assume otherwise.

Anyhow, I don't want to derail and won't comment further. You will hold your views and I will hold mine.

I've worked in social services. We assessed for this. This involves at least a call or two to the family, some investigation with the school and often at least a visit if the family allows. If they don't, this would be part of the assessment eg - why are they not allowing access etc. And then yes, the name is on the books should anything else arise.

@Sugarintheplum @HumunaHey

just for the record I was not impying that well off/ middle class people are not incapable of abuse and neglect, of course they are

my son is adopted, I am well aware of the causes of abuse
As I dont wish to derail the ops thread, I won't be posting any further

MN is a funny place sometimes.

Last week posters were falling over themselves to tell a white British poster to report a child of Indian heritage to SS and insist she is recommended to PREVENT because the Indian child referred to British colonialism in her retorts to the white child when they had a disagreement.

Posters thought she was being groomed and exhibiting signs of extremism for mentioning accurate historical facts that upset the OP's DD.

Meanwhile what faces opposition is reporting someone to SS for raising your DC in a racist environment, which is actually extremism, because racism is not a difference of opinion but actually dehumanising and harmful as well as could lead to hate speech (a criminal offence).

Good ol' MN eh?

TTTHHHHAAANNKKKKK YYOOOOUUUU!

Yesterday on BMN I was being called mad for suggesting a black mum might consider moving home to an area better suited for her child's emotional wellbeing. To protect her son's very psyche!

Elsewhere every single day you have white mum's encouraging one another to move to be in catchment for a school based on the decimal places of progress 8 scores. No one bats on eyelid. In fact, that's good parenting?

You have to wonder about the motivations of some posters on here......

@Sugarintheplum
Yes I agree. To me racist bullying is a form of extreme bullying and if it’s alright to pull a child out of a school for bullying, then same absolutely should apply when it is racist bullying. If this means moving to a new home/catchment area, or scrimping for school fees, then that is what you do.

I try not to think about it too much but I’m dreading this (DS is 7, we’re an Asian/White mixed family).

A hard moment OP.

I'm confused, as you describe yourself as from an Asian/White family upthread, why have you done that on behalf of Black mumsnetters?

@EchoCardioGran

I'm confused, as you describe yourself as from an Asian/White family upthread, why have you done that on behalf of Black mumsnetters?

Would you like me to ask MN to remove the thread?

My reason for starting that thread was because several people commented that it was helpful and should be a header.

OneDrop As briefly as I can.
This is a space for Black Women. It was hard fought for. This thread is by a Black mother whose dc was racially abused at school, let's keep it to that topic please.

I live in England, I sometimes read Scotsnet here as I love Scotland. Not being a Scot, I would not dream of posting on Site Stuff about changes to Scotsnet just because I thought a couple of members there had a good idea. Not my place is it? The Scotsnet members decide for themselves what they want.

Thanks for your pm, sorry, I don't discuss in private, but hope you understand my short explanation here.

Have a good day, and go well.

@OneDrop

It is not my header.

Someone else posted it and I thought it was a polite way of getting across to some on MN who come on these threads to deliberately deny our experiences.

The header has been used on a few threads in this section.

Secondly in future start a new thread if you want to change the subject rather than ruining the OP's thread.

@OneDrop thanks. I get it and I appreciate it. I think that header will be good to keep things on track here for us

My dd was 15 when she was treated badly (by a TEACHER). Overheard saying ‘this is why we don’t allow girls like her usually. The scholarship system is just a box ticking exercise and she’s been awarded it to be the TB’

We removed her the next day told them to stick their scholarship