Gorrilagluegirl happened becuase of unobtainable standard for black women.

[debbrianna]

A 40yr old teaching assistant putting industrial glue in her hair to obtain the most sleek back hair possible.
The level of desperation some black women will go to inorder to achieve the ultimate baby hair. Somthing not naturally achievable with C4 hair or chemically relaxed hair either. The lack of strong hair glue/gel for specifically black hair is at play. The constant need fot hair to br a certain way. Got2b is not for black hair and the company refuses to acknowledge their black users. I am not sure what gorilla snot is, so I can't comment on that. I am scared for what will become of her scalp. The story is funny to begin with but when you think about societal pressure to look a certain way, it saddens me. I have seen too many badly glued wigs and amount of effort people put in them.

@SandSeaBeach

Always surprises me how little society knows about the vilification of black women and their natural hair and skin tones. It feels like floating on the fringes of life and looking in on a different world whilst you suffer in silence. When my girls were toddlers I decided to claim the word ‘relaxed’ when referring to their beautiful natural Afro hair. THIS is hair in it’s relaxed form. Any manipulation of that natural state is far from relaxed. So glad I was pedantic about the discussions we had about the European standards of beauty as they grew up. We had fewer holidays so we could afford those trips to Africa so they could feel ‘normal’ a few weeks a year. We didn’t ‘tame’ their hair. It’s not wild. We didn’t lay edges and have never bought gel. We actually mainly finger combed their hair as combing Afro hair all the time whilst living in such a cold climate makes it prone to breakage. We didn’t plait their hair to make others feel comfortable nor allow extensions when we did. this has paid off. My teens now float through life wearing their long Afro hair as god intended. They never run from rain and confidently / politely tell peers that it’s not ok to touch their hair as they’ve never felt the urge to touch theirs

The gorilla glue story broke my heart. The pain of black women conforming was on the world stage for all to see. And she got shot down at her lowest moment. I can only imagine the years of abuse and pain that took that woman to take such desperate action to tame her natural hair.
My girls know already to expect stares and negativity; and to know that the majority of this society will view them as ugly. They look at the world of black celebrity in wonder. Why with all their money mummy would they still feel they need to hide their hair? We explain. And each time we do; it fortifies their foundation that will not and cannot be rocked. They are beautiful. And know it.

Your post was so good to read. It is so lovely to hear how your daughter's feel about their natural hair. I know people have the right to wear their hair as they see fit. But there is a strong message being sent out by choosing to wear weaves all the time, as most of these black celebrity's seem to.

I felt inspired reading about your daughters' hair @SandSeaBeach. Mine are 5 and 3 and I am doing my daily affirmations with them etc, too. I also wondered what your girls hair looked like because I can't imagine what could be the reason people stare and are negative to them in the street. Is this something other parents on here have experienced? Is this something I need to prepare myself for?

I do plait my daughter's hair, but I do it so that I do not need to comb it everyday. How did your children wear their hair on an average day? I want to know more about just finger combing and the rest of your regime, because I think it might be the way forward for me. Try as I might I always seem to canerow their hair too tight, and yet I know it is not tight, it is just that their young heads are still tender. I am considering no canerows and instead plaits that simply drop down.

Any tips from anyone would be welcome.

I am so glad I didn't reply to the two previous post. I tried to. Almost five different times with five different angles to take. To be honest, I am tired of explaining black hair and the politics of black hair when it takes seconds to search the word edges on Google. When I read what Daniel kaluuya said recently about him having enough of people constantly asking him to explain racism. He looked at it in tge same way we look at victim blaming. The difference, the issues are there for other races to feed on needed but not taken seriously. When George Floyd died, most people watched the The Fucking HELP inorder to get insight. I am not excusing my language for that part.

Any way moving on..
Currently I have my hair in Buntu knots and I use wigs to survive winter. I used to braid them. One of the things gorilagluehirl made me realise was the extreme I have gone to in the past. From taking paracetamol two nights in a row becusee of braids to being OK with nyle relaxer or hot comb. Buying expression and not knowing that my scalp is reacting to the chemicals and I was OK with this becusee it became normal to suffer for a weak with itch scalp. It should be dipped in vinegar to remove the chemicals which stop mould growing on them in factories and storage.

I have braided my daughters hair before She loves it.
She can have rainbow coloured braids in the summer holidays. It's easier in the mornings when getting ready for school.I have straighten her hair before with a straightener.. She really wanted straight hair. I did it and then explained the versatility of her hair and how lucky she is. How it doesn't have to be always straight. The problem with heat damage. She has c3 hair.

I guess I am more lenient with her (7rs) when it comes to race issues. She is the only one with c3 or above hair in her class. The other two black kids are boys. She hated having her hair out a lot. Which got me worried. We a had chat about it only to find out she wanted it to be like the female footballers. It had to to be tied to the back. Now that's a change.

Expressions is bad?

Oh gosh. Please, don't tell me anymore, I'm clueless.

I do so little with my hair. I used to press it all the time when I was younger, but it just stayed straight it was injured so easily. And how many time did I drop that god forsaken pressing comb on my forehead? I can't count. It's not even funny. So yes, the things we do /did....

If I met you in person @SandSeaBeach I would bow, well done sis. I hope to follow in your footsteps with my girls.

Thank you @debbrianna. I always wondered why I broke out in a rash and my ears were on fire when I had braids which led to me going for wigs almost exclusively. Now I know to soak in vinegar.- it never crossed my kind that the chemicals would or could come off if washed in vinegar. Makes a world of difference. The blessing in having other black women to talk to! Noone knows everything- try as we might.

My beautiful, thick Afro hair was first relaxed when I was 8 years old, to make it "easier to manage". I also had a Jheri curl, plaits and twists along the way. Growing up in the eighties, this was standard fare.

Approaching 30, my hair was lank, thin, and horrifically broken. It looked so sad. I decided I'd had enough, and shaved the whole thing down to half a centimetre all round. Cutting off all the rats tail chemically processed half, and leaving me with a short, but healthy, curly Afro.

I felt liberated, magnificent, like I could conquer the world. It really made a difference to how I felt about myself, and how I carried myself. At the time, I was working in a City consultancy firm, with clients from across the world, so you were expected to always look professional.

I received the most compliments about my hair I'd ever received when I had my hair very short, it was fascinating. Everywhere I'd go, people would comment and say my hair looked amazing.

I've now worn my hair natural for the past 10 years, and have no intention of ever processing it again. As I work at a very senior level, and get paid a big salary, people (always Black) expect me to be altering my natural hair in some way, and ask what I'm doing with my hair, to which I always reply "letting it grow".

It's really sad that the pressure for us to hide our natural selves can be so great. I love what @SandSeaBeach mentioned doing with her DDs. I'm trying to do something similar with my DD3, though as she has SEN, I don't think she fully understands. She has a lovely thick Afro crown, which I look after carefully. I also want my DS4 to see the Black women in his family embracing their natural hair, and being comfortable with it, so that hopefully the DC don't idolise hair being straight when they are older.

Over the last decade it seems that more and more Black women are moving away from altering their hair from its natural state, which to me can only be a good thing.

@Starseeking Oh God, jerry curl. You're giving me ptsd. And then leisure curl that was the worst. I was forced to cut my hair after that. Thankfully loxed now more than 10 years. A bummer in lockdown, but I'm learning. It'll never look as good as when the loctician does it, but way less stress than chemicals and looks and feels better. The amount of oil needed to maintain processed hair is yuck.

Awww I'm loving the info and stories beiing shared on this thread!

This thread is so informative. It’s good to reflect on the potential long term impact of what I’m doing with dd’s hair now. I would love it if she would wear her Afro without plaits etc but we are not there yet! Similarly Starseekings dd she has sen so the responsibility is entirely mine as she doesn’t quite understand. She recently saw an advert for straighteners and said she wanted some but don’t want to go down that route at all.

How old is your DD @Alakazam8? You could start by perhaps leaving her hair out for a bit longer on weekends and during school holidays and building up from there.

It will also encourage your DD if you show her you love and embrace your own Afro; my DC have never seen me with any other type of hair, so they see my Afro as normal and everyday, though this will of course change as they get older.

@Kendodd

I'm sorry. I'm white, I shouldn't be so interested about black hair and culture.

You told us to feel free to tell you to fuck off, so here goes; Fuck off!