Can friendships survive the political divide?

[samosamo]

I'm quite left wing, it's all relative i know, I had a communist boyfriend once and he thought I might as well erect a shrine to the US Republican my views were so skewed to the right!!! But a long time friend of mine has become increasingly right-wing and last election voted Conservative in a Labour safe seat. I just can't understand her political choices at all, especially given the apparent racism of the party's leader, Priti Patel, Kemi Badenoch, Liz Truss, Dominic Ryan etc etc and her choices stand starkly against her own very humble roots. Sometimes it bothers me no end. Other times I'm ok about it, just. She probably thinks I'm a left wing hypocrite, i concede she might be right, her husband has certainly called me a champagne socialist before (I drink rum?!) None of this alters my emotions about it. I feel like my friend has been slowly replaced with someone I don't recognise, and the voting for a racist leader has made me feel frazzled.

Anyway, I need counsel from you guys. I feel we are fundamentally different now. How do I get over myself for heaven's sake?! Shes a lovely good natured person in our interactions still.

Why do I feel that she is probably way more tolerant of your politics than you are of hers? You don't have to understand or approve her choices - you agree to differ.
Plenty of shits in the Labour Party, too!

But a long time friend of mine has become increasingly right-wing and last election voted Conservative in a Labour safe seat

Id have to sever the friendship. Right wing conservative views? With all their racism, xenophobia, dog-whistling non-Black people against us to conveniently/cynically suit their political goals? & That's without touching on the Windrush scandal etc as yet.

No thank you. Do you really want to listen to that?

(I'm assuming you are Black as you've posted your question here)

Over the years, I have encountered many more sanctimonious, humourless, judgemental, intolerant, preaching lefties than I have right-wingers. And I say that as a former Labour activist.

I have friends from across the political spectrum. Some of them even voted Leave. We are educated grown-ups and we agree to differ. Being friends only with people who agree with you is rather dull & uninteresting. It’s good to have your views challenged occasionally. .

@katy1213 I have no idea why you've jumped to that conclusion. Can't help you there.

I am black @DeeCeeCherry.

Yeah, see, I actually think there is no room for racism in our world and I wouldn't ever vote for a party led by a racist white man who has published his racism over many decades. That's for starters.I don't enjoy debating with racists and won't ever tolerate it. So I've posted on black mumsnet to see how my black sisters feel about it. I'm really interested to see how they feel about this.

I'm not a 'Labour voter'. I cast my vote for a better more equal world that will be good for my children.

@DeeCeeCherry

The right wing views seep into chats in everyday affairs, right? So the free school meals recently. There was a comment along the lines of 'don't have kids if you can't afford them. I'm just not sure that's among the main issue here. Some families, sure, but mostly isn't it running into hard times, bills and accommodation getting more expensive, job losses, both parents working but still needing tax credits etc. It all sounds very daily mail. I accept some people feel this way, but she honestly didn't used to!

I didn’t want to read and run.

I am not from a country with a two party system like the US or U.K.. People who know me would probably say I might be more of an conservative when it’s about business. But I am also very vocal about social justice, helping the people that need it and environmental problems.

I think the most important thing with regards to friendships is being able to challenge each other’s point of view in a respectful manner. And if you find out there are topics that are unreconcilable I would walk away. Life is to short to surround yourself with people you constantly have to battle.

I am black @DeeCeeCherry**
Yeah, see, I actually think there is no room for racism in our world and I wouldn't ever vote for a party led by a racist white man who has published his racism over many decades. That's for starters.I don't enjoy debating with racists and won't ever tolerate it. So I've posted on black mumsnet to see how my black sisters feel about it. I'm really interested to see how they feel about this

Well - your friend is aligned with the policies of said white man(men) and is fine with uttering them to you. So somewhere along the line, she feels you agree, if even partly.

She'll save the racist comments for when you're not around. Smile in your face and show their real face where you can't see it, we all know about that one.

Right wing racists are just trash, to me. & Trash is for taking out, you don't keep it around you.

I don't personally know anyone, Black or white, with an openly right wing friend.

@DeeCeeCherry

Sgeesh. I know quite black people who voted Conservative at the last election. I do see that Labour led by Corby was quite different (radical?). But I dunno. With our history I just couldn't vote for someone who honestly thinks the worst thing to happen to Africa was when Britain left.

I don't think she does think I agree! But she's comfy with me, and rightly so, we have a 20 year friendship.

I guess all relationships have tests. Just wondered whether anyone else have experienced this.

I think because politics covers so much, I imagine it would be difficult to have a discussion about anything with either of your political viewpoints seeping in. I think if it gets to the point where she is being offensive then I would lock her off. If you can discuss with each other and agree to disagree then carry on. She may well see it that she is voting for conservatives values rather than the prick we have running the country at the moment or his useless colleagues (definitely inc. Badenoch in that one kmt)!

I've got Black Conservative friends. They seem to believe that once you get over a certain income level, you have to vote Conservative as "the government tries to take all your money away". Our household income is far higher than theirs, yet I could never, would never, vote for a party with the history, and current day, representatives that party has, and what it stands for. In fairness, the opposition in the UK are only marginally better.

We generally don't talk politics, but if my friends ever start moaning about the government, reminding them who voted them in usually moves the conversation on swiftly

I have Tory friends but most of them would be described as "wets".

When Sadiq Khan was standing against Zac Goldsmith for London Mayor, they all told me not to vote for Zac Goldsmith as they were absolutely disgusted with his Islamophobia.

If you talk to your friend about politics and she doesn't have lines that can't be crossed in terms of ethics and morality, like the current PM and cabinet, that's when you can't be friends with someone.

I consider the act of voting for an openly racist party like the current Conservative party as an act of racism. And therefore, anyone who does that as racist in the doing of that deed.

Very simple to me.

@Sugarintheplum

I consider the act of voting for an openly racist party like the current Conservative party as an act of racism. And therefore, anyone who does that as racist in the doing of that deed.

Very simple to me.

Is that the same Conservative party which has produced :

The first Asian Home Secretary (Sajid Javid)
The second Asian Home Secretary (Priti Patel)
The first Asian Chancellor (Sajid Javid)
The second Asian Chancellor (Rishi Sunak)
The first Asian Business Secretary (Alok Sharma)
The first Black Business Secretary (Kwasi Kwarteng)

And no, I’m not a Tory supporter.....

I voted conservative when Teresa May was in government. I didn't like Corbyn and it was a choice between one old white man and an old white woman. For all her faults, I thought Theresa was the more competent of the two. Also she drew me in with her maiden speech in which she said she would tackle the sentencing inequalities. I don't think heart she's a rabid Tory.

In answer to the question, I can be friends with someone who is conservative. But depends on the type of conservative. Social conservative in some ways I agree with. But the racist Brexit conservatives I can't get with. You can have friends without needing to agree with everything they believe in . What a dull life it would be if you're only friends with people just like you

@AgeLikeWine Racist work done by ethnic minority people is still racist work.

That's so obvious to me that I can't even bring myself to elaborate.

If you have experienced racism as a black person and you disagree, please let me know.

Re Theresa May and

I don't think heart she is a rabid Tory

I suggest you look up some of the "winning ideas" she implemented while Home Secretary. Priti Patel has got nothing on her.

@Starseeking

Re Theresa May and

I don't think heart she is a rabid Tory

I suggest you look up some of the "winning ideas" she implemented while Home Secretary. Priti Patel has got nothing on her.

I honestly don't believe she believed in those policies herself. In my view she did it for political expediency. Not that it's right but I think she is ashamed of those policies.

Priti Patel I'm convinced has the heart of the devil.

Hmmm, she really didn't believe in any of those policies, despite the words "we must create a hostile environment" coming directly out of her mouth during several speeches. Perhaps those nasty men made her say it and implement all those discriminatory policies against the non-white people

www.freemovement.org.uk/theresa-mays-immigration-legacy/

[quote Starseeking]Hmmm, she really didn't believe in any of those policies, despite the words "we must create a hostile environment" coming directly out of her mouth during several speeches. Perhaps those nasty men made her say it and implement all those discriminatory policies against the non-white people

www.freemovement.org.uk/theresa-mays-immigration-legacy/[/quote]
It must be exhausting being so sanctimonious. Being nationalist or Wanting fewer immigrants is not the preserve of just white people. You've seen it in Nigerian, South Africa and many other countries. Creating a 'hostile environment' was designed to limit the immigration levels that led to Brexit.

It must be exhausting being an apologist for racist white policies.

That's not behaviour I can relate to, and if that makes me sanctimonious, please pass me that high horse to sit on.

Depends on the friendship and their level of rightwing.... I can just about tolerate friends who voted for Brexit (although the one who then got an Irish passport annoyed me somewhat), I have ended a friendship over racism that was intolerable ... someone who is a socially liberal conservative who is on the left of the party I could stomach. Question is - can they put up with me and my left wing, republican views as well LOL

Can deal with differences in political ideology, cannot deal with racist, white supremacists masquerading their hatred as political opinion and the apologists who pander to them.

(As an aside- the hostile environment didn't and hasn't decreased immigration. It has however made it harder for immigrants to live here and maintain their status, register as a citizen and disenfranchised mainly black and minority British children. Theresa May's policies make zero sense. Take this example, a British child living with their non-EU mother on a derivative visa as a Zambrano carer is not entitled to any benefits including child benefit and if a mother claims these benefits dhe will have to pay it back alongside penalties. If the same child lives with their British father, they are entitled to state benefits. How does that make sense? Surely a British children is still British regardless of who they live with? The women affected by this are mainly women of colour in particular black women. It's designed to make life so hard as a woman struggles to both work and take care of her child/ren particularly before they go to school, she will opt to leave the country instead).

Theresa May is the devil incarnate to me. Always will be.

As is Kemi Badenoch
www.standard.co.uk/insider/kemi-badenoch-nadine-white-twitter-investigation-free-press-b918747.html

And Kemi Badenoch
www.standard.co.uk/insider/kemi-badenoch-nadine-white-twitter-investigation-free-press-b918747.html