Martians 2014 Thread 14: on intra-uterine discos and knocking stuff over with your bump.

[SuperMuddle]

Come join us on our shiny new thread!

[Magpieblue]

diz Obviously! There aren't any other kinds are there?

[FoxMulder]

Ooh, I'm even more excited now my boss has had a chat with me about ML etc and new HR lady has told him he wasn't allowed to take those 5 days holiday off me when I was of with morning sickness, so I've got them back!! Whoo hoo!

I told him that all the good companies top up their employees' ML to full pay if they agree to come back afterwards . I don't think he's going for it.

I love my boss a little bit. And the HR lady.

[FoxMulder]

And he said I've been doing a good job since I've 'been human again'. Questionable, but I'll take it.

[CookieMonster1971]

Dizhin, that child sounds like a dream (I have no problem whatsoever with the notion of child slave labour. Anything for cheaper jeans, right?) Seriously though, I walk into some house where there are toddlers and I get the sense that children rule, do you know what I mean? Children do not rule; parents rule and I don't want to play Hunt The Fridge every time I want a brew.

Foxy, I'm sending you a two-piece jigsaw; that should be more interesting than your current task.

Magpie, you always make me laugh but, on a serious - and preachy - note, if you don't want total defection to facebook you need to post more frequently. It got rather dull towards the middle of the last thread and lots of posts are ignored on here for some reason. I think it's summat to do with most people using their phones for MN - you can't scroll back to acknowledge folks, am I right? Well, that becomes pretty infuriating for those of us who remember to mention everyone else

I actually love wooden toys and I will know when I have 'made it' in life when I can afford to decorate my Christmas tree exclusively with wooden shit.

[HotCrossPun]

cookie That's one thing I do agree with you on. I can't stand brightly coloured toys. When I say to people that I don't want the house to become overrun with loads of stuff they hardly ever play with I get looks as if I'm a she-devil! Even DP has said that to limit the amount of plastic shit that we have in the house is 'cruel'

Bit of advice please?

I hate the company DP works for. He is such a hard worker and they take the piss out of him, always getting him to take on extra duties, manage the other engineers, organise stuff and go to calls at short notice. The nature of his job means that he does have to work irregular hours sometimes and he is paid well for it.

He has been offered a job at another company. Better salary, conditions, chance to move up in the company (which DP isn't interested in) and much less late nights, early starts and weekend work.

He wouldn't have the opportunity to do as much overtime as he does now. My view is that when the baby is here earning slightly less a month and being home on time is better. He is worried about not having the same opportunity to put money into savings each month that we do now.

I am normally quite vocal in telling him what I think he should do (which I am trying to reign in) so I am conscious of not railroading him into taking this new job. But I am so worried he is going to turn it down and carry on having to work obscene numbers of hours.

Shall I leave it up to him? Or shall I let him know how strongly I feel? and then never be a bossy boots again as long as I live.

[MummyPig24]

Hot I have spent a blissful hour sorting through the "plastic crap" for the car boot sale on Sunday. The kids won't even notice it's gone and the living room looks slightly better. I really hope people come and buy my shit!! And I found the missing wii nunchuck so that's a bonus.

[CookieMonster1971]

I suspect, like me, you know what's best for your man, Hottie. Tell him to take the job with the better hours suited to raising a teeny baby. I'm dreading being a 'single mum' with DP's working hours. If you can afford to live without his stupid hours then tell him he needs to re-prioritise.

[IceNoSlice]

Magpie love the just wooden toys!

We do seem to have acquired our share of brightly coloured plastic crap. Some of it even bleeps and flashes (the toys DS loves most). I have bought virtually none of it, all hand me downs or if bought, second hand. But it is well contained in plenty of storage in the playroom. So doesn't generally infringe on the rest of the house.

[IceNoSlice]

Hottie having him home on time will be so valuable for you both and your relationship.

[dizhin79]

Hot I am just like u, eeek the torture of resisting telling oh what to do.... personally I would suggest to him think of the long term view. Better prospects, promotion, nicer Work life balance would win it everytime for me.

I have the great excuse of being able to say to all family /friends no no no, don't buy that we live in such a small cottage, we haven't the room so it won't be appreciated

[FoxMulder]

I agree with Ice and Cookie, Hottie. If you think this job move will be better for your family, then no harm in telling your DP so.

My DH is wanting to move out of the building game. It's rather too hazardous. He will be knackered and unable to work by the time he is 40 at this rate.

[dizhin79]

and foxy how nice 2 have someone fighting ur corner now, wooo hooo!

[CookieMonster1971]

Foxy, how is your fella's eye?

[HotCrossPun]

Very prompt responses - this new thread is shaping up nicely

I knew I was right I always am , I'm going to tell him exactly what I think tonight. He's such a sweetheart, he has said that he just doesn't want the baby to ever have to go without and he wants her to have the best. I've said that to a baby, the 'best' is food, cuddles, a warm house and loads of time with their mum and dad. And I know for sure if he was working the hours he is now when she was here it would break his heart. He doesn't even like going without seeing me and the dog for any period of time

[CookieMonster1971]

What's best for the baby is what's best for you

[Magpieblue]

Ooh, being preached at by cookie - what a thrill! OK, I will post more, especially while I'm supposed to be working.

Hot how does your DP respond to a bit of nagging? If he's anything like my DP - or all men, ever - I suspect not very well. I'd have to be really clever about making him think taking the new job (which it sounds like he should do) was his idea. Make him feel really amazing that he's been headhunted, he must be so good at his job etc etc, and won't it be brilliant that he's wanted enough to get a great new job which will also give him lots of time with the baby. Hopefully he will start to associate the new job with feeling good about himself, and the old job will look less appealing.

Erm... can I bring up the pramtalk again? My DP and I have started "Pram Wednesdays" where every week we go to look at the same prams we look at every week and have the same arguments. It's so fun, you should try it! We seem to have finally got the choice down to a Mountain Buggy (he likes the manly name), the Uppababy Vista and a Bugaboo Cameleon. Does anyone have any opinion on these? Round where I live in London, people call social services if you're not pushing your baby round in a Bugaboo so I hope I'm not being swayed by that, but I do still like them. (I realise I'm incredibly spoiled to have the choice between such expensive prams but it is the only thing we're buying - everything else we're getting out of skips.)

[HotCrossPun]

Hes a tricky one Magpie. I don't nag him per say, but he is so laid back that I just normally make the decisions about things. He never really thinks about himself. So even though his company totally take the piss and take advantage, he's always wanting to do a good job so he just accepts it. Which is fine when it's just me and him but when the baby is here it will end up impacting on her.

You sound so organised with your 'Pram Wednesdays.' I have no clue about them

[commsgirl]

On houses being taken over by plastic.. This is my actual worst nightmare. It's already bad enough with the amount of dog toys we have! I'm relegating anything that doesn't match my colour scheme to the conservatory where it will stay or be returned to if it's taken out. And don't even get my started on toys that make noise.

Hot I think you can advise without railroading, especially if you think it'll be better for your family. DP works away on a weekly basis (not all week every week thankfully) and I'm not looking forward to those nights. I think having him around as much as possible will be so beneficial to your family and your relationship, if you can afford it. There's nothing wrong with telling him that :).

Fox nice to hear you're getting some positivity from work!

I need someone to tell me to get a grip. The closer I get to maternity leave the more I worry about what having this baby will do to my relatively new career. I'm planning on taking at least nine months off and don't want to compromise that, but I'm worried about how difficult it's going to be to slot back in afterwards and progress in the way I have over the last year or so. I've already noticed my work slipping through tiredness/MS etc. I know I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself but I've worked bloody hard to get here!

Rant over, I hope everyone's okay :). Cookie how are those sore feet of yours?

[commsgirl]

Magpie we were torn between the Chameleon and the Uppababy Vista. After hours spent reading reviews/folding them up and down in shops/testing their steering and nearly knocking small children over in John Lewis in the process, we've decided on the Vista. Thing is though, I genuinely have no other reason than 'I like it better'.

[FoxMulder]

Not too bad thanks Cookie. He can open it a bit now, so he's back at work. It's still very red and swollen but not so painful. He's back at the hospital in a week so fingers crossed the scratch isn't in his field of vision.

[mrsksays]

Oh goodie on the pram talk - I need to get in on this. Am going to kiddicare at the weekend with my Mum and sister to start having a look at options in the flesh after spending multiple hours reading Which and online reviews.

I would like something small, folds compact and preferably freestanding when folded, seat suitable from birth (because I'm not dead ken on having a carry cot which is only used for 6 months seems like a waste of money and space), decent amount of storage space underneath. Does such a thing exist? So far I'm leaning towards Baby Jogger City Mini but I'm not dead keen on the 3 wheels and also I'd prefer a seat that adjusts to be front and back facing.

Help please those who already have LOs...

[Blockette]

I just had this conversation with my MIL regarding needless pap. She was trying to convince me to give the baby the bigger of our two 'spare' rooms, but I told her no, because we can use the bigger room for more things then 'just a baby' (eg a guest room, and a place for all of her sons needless pap!) and she got all ranty at me saying 'it's not just a baby, it's her granddaughter' and that it didn't matter as the stuff would spread around the house anyway. - I told her that is exactly what I didn't want and so was trying to keep the needless stuff to a minimum. Well she's now not talking to me (Yeay! Peace for once!).

I'm hoping to have this baby slot in with our current lives and not the other way around. I have seen one of my friends do this very well and she has the nicest little boy, but also has her own life. This to me means that routines will be very loose the time for sleep may be the same, but the place may be different! - and if she's allergic to everything outside like her father I'm just going to send her back and get a new one!

[Magpieblue]

Hot he sounds like a lovely man, I'm sure you'll manage to persuade him. I'm not really at all organised, it's just that prams seem to be the only thing I can remotely get my head around so we've put all our focus on that. Not even thought about anything else.

That's good news Fox. Hope he keeps improving.

Thanks comms I'm leaning towards the Vista too. Re career, this prob isn't v helpful but you may feel differently about work once the baby is here - either you won't care as much, or you might be desperate to get back! I know all the stats about women's careers after children, but I honestly don't think it has to negatively affect every woman as long as she is determined to find a way around, and is helped by a decent employer. I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work so it doesn't impact on your career too much. I am a bit clueless though, and anyway I'm only planning to take two months off

[mrsksays]

*Blockette8 I hear you! Our baby won't even be getting it's own room for ages! It'll be in with us for 6 months and then share half of our spare room for probably another 6 months. It's not going to know any different!

[Magpieblue]

block Poor you. If she thinks the stuff will spread around the house anyway, why would the baby need the bigger room? Not logical.

I agree with baby slotting in (within reason). How did your friend do it?