Martians 2014 Thread 14: on intra-uterine discos and knocking stuff over with your bump.

[SuperMuddle]

Come join us on our shiny new thread!

Baking - I too need that manual!! I have to do a presentation to our audit committee in February. I will be 7 1/2 months pregnant. Now that's going to be a barrel of laughs! Am hoping it will make them be sympathetic and nice to me cos they are a scary bunch!!

Mums are generally rubbish at this stuff. Remembering, I mean. I asked my mum the other day if she believed there was any such thing as 'preparing for the birth'. She snorted. I then asked her if she thought I could read anything, or attend classes for She has, 'pain management' during labour. She laughed her head off. She has either forgotten how she did that stuff or she didn't do any of it and simply made it up as she went along.

I honestly don't read any threads on MN whereby a mum goes: 'yeah, I put my baby into a routine, had a dream feed of formula at 11pm, didn't let him sleep too much during the day and put him in his own room as soon as possible...and I have an awful baby and my life is now shit'. It's always the child-wearers who refuse to put their babies down who have huge regrets at six months. I'm honestly not making this stuff up.

Soz, don't know where the random 'she has' came from, mid-sentence

Cass all I learnt in my presentation this week is that I needed more time between sentences for breathing, because I think I need more air than before....

I hate the term "babywearing" as it makes it sound like the baby is a fashion accesory or something. I use slings because to me they are more convenient than prams and pushchairs. Plus they are useful on occasion for helping the baby go to sleep.

I think all types of parenting things can end up being a "rod for your own back" depending on how you use them and how well things fit into your life. I've known people who either couldn't go to things or ended up with a screaming baby because their baby needed their routine and wouldn't sleep anywhere other than the cot. I've also known people find dummies a problem because the child has become dependent on it for sleep resulting in sleep disturbance when they lose it in the night and sometimes difficulties when they finally take the dummy away. The difference is that those things are the cultural norm so people are less likely to think "oh I wish I hadn't made this parenting choice" the way they do with less mainstream choices and more likely to just think it is normal or how their baby is.

When I ask my mum about her labours (6 kids) she actually did a lot of the stuff I want to do, but there wasn't a name for it back then. So she told me that her first 2 births were painful & stressful and traumatic. But by the 3rd birth she had learned not to be terrified of a contraction and tense up during it, visulise it ending, breathing etc ( which sounds a lot like hypnobirthing)

Births 3-6 were at home and a completely different kettle of fish, she felt in control. The births weren't any less painful, but she said because she wasn't approaching each contraction with absolute resistance they were a lot easier to manage.

With regards to parenting she remembers not having a clue with the first 2, people telling her the baby should feed x times a day and go to sleep for x amount of hours. She constantly felt that she wasn't doing anything right. By her 3rd she decided to just do what felt right, when it felt right and things were a hell of a lot easier for her.

for those wanting to waft the booklet at their HR dept my one is called 'pregnancy at work - for employees', Tommy's [let's talk baby],pregnancy accreditation programme

definitely going to make more of an effort to post on this thread.

interesting stuff dizhin ill have a read through that

cookie I've also heard those things but as baking said I've also heard the other end as well routine is great when you have only one child to deal with - trying to feed baby when the routine is disrupted run can't be done etc etc

I'm reading a bit of everything and taking what I like, laughing at the some bits and wondering how other people are doing the other stuff . I can't force myself to do things that personality wise might not resonate with me.

e.g. some people love writing things down, making excel spread sheets ( you know who you are !!!) others prefer to deal with things as they come. neither are right or wrong and you can't force someone to suddenly take on the other extreme. but if this was recommended in a "how to parent" book there would be a thread on MN about which method was best.

on a separate note- 2 questions

I actually struggle to eat because nothing appeals to me. I'm not in the mood for anything so its a bit of a chore - Has anyone else started having craving yet? that's another question I keep getting asked but not had anything.

Finally got my confirmation I have a job . yeah! so suddenly have 6 month project which I have to squeeze into 3 months. I potentially have to do (with assistance) a 2 day presentation in Manchester in January.

will I physically be able to do this? Or am I being unrealistic in what ill be able to do ?

I honestly have no idea what my parenting style will be. I suppose while I do want to be close to the sprog and maternity leave will be nice for bonding I also want to spend time away from the baby just so the baby is used to me leaving. My friends little one (7 months) screams and cries when his mother goes out and I want my child to be able to cope without me being there.

I also hate the term "baby wearing" and "crunchy". WTF does that even mean?!

I don't know if I have a parenting style. I just do what works and makes everyone happy, that's the easiest way.

As my last birth was quick I'm prepared that we may not make it to the birth centre. I'm cool with having the baby at home, I just really don't want to give birth in the car.

Cookie please don't be gutted if your baby isn't sleeping through by 6 months (very few are by that age regardless of which method is used). With DD1 I tried routines etc and it just ended up making me feel like a bit of a failure - DD1 didn't really sleep through til about 12-18mths. With DD2 I co-slept and likewise she didn't start sleeping through til 12-18 months....but the difference for me was that I slept HEAPS more with DD2 than I ever did with DD1 and she is an all round more relaxed, chilled child. Also be aware that some people totally lie about how soon their kids sleep through the night (I don't know anyone in my circle of mum mates in RL whose babies slept through consistently when they were less than 9-12mths old....maybe the odd night here or there but not consistently).

Panto at that age it's likely to be separation anxiety - totally normal developmental phase that all kids go through. Better that they get it when you leave than when someone else does, my friend's LO got separation anxiety about one of the key workers at nursery which made my friend feel like the worst mum in the world

After 2 kids and 17 years, there is only one certainty about child rearing. That is, nothing is certain. You can make the best plans in the world. Have the strictest routine or totally wing it, and it can all come to shit. Get a colicky one, or a tongue tie, or a sickly baby and you're stuffed!
And the same goes for delivery.
All you can do is be forearmed with as much information as possible and hope for the best.
And NEVER say I wont/baby wont/I'll never, because it WILL come back and bite you on the arse!

Hello everyone, I am new on the thread and wanted to say hi/join in with the talk. I'm due on March 2nd and quietly panicking because I have planned nothing/bought nothing baby related yet...is there really only 4 months to go??

Welcome midnight! I'm completely disorganised about this whole thing too, and doubt that I will be able to properly get my (ever-expanding) arse in gear before the new year.

Is this your first?

Hello midnight welcome to the thread!

I totally agree that thread 13 brought bad news. I have high hopes for this one!

Hot your mum is absolutely right; the best advice I can give with the contractions is just accept them and try to remove yourself mentally from them. So, rather than "oh shitting bollocks this fucking kills", you think "I'm aware of the contraction and how it feels; it feels this way because my cervix is opening" etc. Worst thing you can do is panic but easier said than done! This is 3rd time for me though and I've no worries about pain this time. It will hurt but I will cope. Hopefully. I really recommend the Marie Mongan hypnobirthing book/CD.

Saggy what you said at the end of the last thread was exactly right. It's so confusing and now I still feel like the dust is settling and I can't quite remember how I feel about things any more! Imeg yes you're right, we're basically where we were in terms of risks before the worrying scan; slightly higher odds for cystic fibrosis but still in the hundreds so hopefully everything will be fine The worry is so tiring!

We are living in a building site. Am at the why-did-we-start-this point. Cookie you would not BELIEVE the state of my naice path

Hello PiratesMam and SuperMuddle. Yes, this is my first baby and I'm really nervous about impending parenthood...but excited too :) We are trying to move before the baby comes and its very much not the time of year to move...

Welcome midnight!

Oh lib I forgot to answer your questions!

1. cravings - mainly water! So thirsty all the time!! Know what you mean a about not fancying anything though
2. congrats on the job! I think by Jan you will be on the home straight, and so as long as you can collapse virtually as soon as the presentation is done, you'll be fine, esp after a little rest over Xmas too

Welcome, Midnight, this is my first baby, too, and I am becoming quietly terrified; not over anything specific, just because of the impending life change and responsibility, I guess.

Pain, I agree that mothers lie exaggerate about super-babies and sleep patterns. I'm not being unrealistic, I promise, but I am determined not to create unnecessary rods for my back. Yes, this is my first - and I have no experience of raising babies - but I know my personality and I won't be sucked into this AP bullshit ideology.

Pirate's, I've been thinking about you a lot today. I wondered whether it might be a good idea to write down your feelings about the baby every seven days. I'll bet you'll notice improvements in your attitude and hopes etc. I'm sorry if that's a shit idea;I don't know what else to advise, except try to dispel any notion of how you 'should' be feeling after the traumatic last couple of weeks. I'm sure others in your position (Imeg and Saggy) are taking time for their emotions and fears to settle, too.

P.s...I will be round tomorrow to swill your Edwardian tiles. Get kettle on...

Hi all this new thread moving quick!

Hope you are feeling better now madwife, there's a lotof bugs going round at the mo.

Welcome midnight.

lib as regards physical state I guess it is who knows? My job is pretty physical, I'm hoping I'll work till the 14th Feb and then have the baby round 5th March. But I guess we will have to see how it goes. I don't think it's unreasonable to plan a thing for Jan. That's still some way off March. Fx we are lucky and don't suffer with any complications. Feel so sorry for those with back pains, SPD etc.

Yes! Congrats on the job, Liberuna

Cookie, just a thought: it's the ones for whom demand feeding and constant baby-holding has been a disaster that start threads about it. The successful ones don't generally start threads to talk about how they've had no problems.

Lyra, these aren't thread-starters; these are new mums on threads which I've been following forever, like the IVF pregnancy one. Some of them stayed on the pregnancy threads and are sharing their experiences of motherhood six months down the line. All I am reading is the distress of the AP mums, not those who have managed to instil routines.